Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Leaving the COC can be a long and messy process for a lot of people. I've heard too many stories of people leaving in a that I wouldn't really call healthy or productive. What are your tips for someone trying to leave the COC, but minimize the potential emotional and relationship stress of it all? What did you do when when you left the COC that you shouldn't have done? What did you do that you think was helpful in leaving?

I know a lot of people come to this board for support before officially leaving the COC (myself included). Many of us experienced some sort of trauma from the COC, leaving us scared and not really knowing what to do other than tell people we're leaving and attempt to pick up the pieces afterwards.

Do you attend every service? if so, you might want to cut back gradually -- stop going to the Wednesday service, then the late-night Sunday service, then skip Sunday School, etc. Eventually, just stop going altogether.

You could also make a few comments here and there, like "I don't think that I agree with this doctrine", "I'm not sure if the Bible is truly inerrant", etc., just to test the waters on how people will react.

Are all your friends COCers? Do you work in a COC environment? A lot depends on your specific situation.

I moved - physically moved away. Left no forwarding address (so to speak). It worked amazingly well.

For ideas, you might try the advice in the old Paul Simon song: Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover

Just slip out the back, Jack.
Make a new plan, Stan.

Get on the bus, Gus.
Don't need to discuss much (this is the BEST advice ever)
No need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free.

However, many people have found that writing down the reasons for the separation (a la the Declaration of Independence) is very useful. It organizes your own thoughts, and provides a ready and simple response to people who ask (and might have reason to expect an answer) why.

This is possibly a radical idea to people immersed in a coc environment, but in truth: YOU DO NOT OWE ANYBODY AN EXPLANATION for why you are doing something, unless they are an immediate relative who lives with you.

No, really. Just because someone asks, you do not actually have to answer them. Try saying 'why do you want to know?' and 'what reason do you have for asking?' (and 'because' is not an answer to that).

Also the very useful: 'I don't think that is any of your business.'

I think education is they key. Those that are leaving religion altogether & those that are just looking for a different version of Christianity need to have either historical or Biblical evidence that validates their reason for wanting to make a change.

If a person believes the c of C teaching, doctrines, & beliefs are wrong then find biblical evidence that validates your suspicions. If you don't you will forever be fearful that you made the wrong decision & if that is the case it is likely you'll end up back in the c of C.

agricola wrote:I moved - physically moved away. Left no forwarding address (so to speak). It worked amazingly well.

For ideas, you might try the advice in the old Paul Simon song: Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover

Just slip out the back, Jack.
Make a new plan, Stan.

Get on the bus, Gus.
Don't need to discuss much (this is the BEST advice ever)
No need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free.

and ditto....

I read in a history of the Restoration Movmeent there was a CoC preacher who lfet for the Baptists. When he left he said it was becasue he thought Alexander Campbell's movement was the beast predicted to arise in Revelation.

B.H. wrote:I read in a history of the Restoration Movmeent there was a CoC preacher who lfet for the Baptists. When he left he said it was becasue he thought Alexander Campbell's movement was the beast predicted to arise in Revelation.

Wow! Hilarious!