Finding Social Support Outside of Religion?

[delilah]

I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this question, but I'd like feedback from others about how to build social connections and find social support outside of religion. One of the social and cultural strengths of religion is that it can (at its best) act as an extended family and social network. In much of the US there don't seem to be many alternatives for maintaining these kinds of ties outside of a religious community. Especially if you're single and have no kids and not much biological family to build on.

I'm more-or-less an atheist and pretty much anything religious-y is triggering and negative for me (although I have a modest interest in Buddhism). I am trying to build more social connections for myself and I'm "desperate" enough to go to a really liberal church just to try and meet people. The most liberal group I could come up with was Unitarian Universalists, whose creed includes science-based knowledge and seem OK with atheism.

Any ideas? All input greatly appreciated!

[Cootie Brown]

I'm a non-believer too. I have not even attempted to rebuild my social structure. My wife continues to be a believer but has left fundamentalism & placed membership in a Methodist Church. I usually attend services with her but I've made no effort to socialize, because I have nothing in common with a believer. My wife has become deeply involved though.

The Unitarian Universalist is an option for former believers & somthing you might want to investigate. I live in the Bible Belt so most of the folks in my area are believers and that limits my opportunity to develope friendships.

[Moogy]

When I moved ten years ago, I assumed I would join the local Methodist Church and from there I would develop a friendship network. It hasn't worked out that way. Perhaps because the town is small, and the other people have known one another for a long time. A couple of years ago, I joined a local quilting group, and I have developed friendships there. I made another new friend through a chess club. Do you have interests you can pursue in a group to help you make connections?

[Tsathoggua]

I have not yet found a need for a social support group. I have two good friends -- one I met in college, and another that I have known since childhood. The first goes to church (a local COC) occasionally with his wife, but does not take religion very seriously at all. The other grew up nominally Methodist, but has always basically had a secular, rationalistic view of life. I also once did a few things here and there with a group of folks from my local comic book shop, all of whom were pretty much non-religious; I see them just occasionally, now. My family (sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) and I still get along well, despite my nonbelief.
So, I'm good, so far!

[wonkadontics]

Hey there delilah! Sorry, had to.

This is a question I've been asking, too. Do you know much about Bart Campolo? To me, he seems to be the one doing the most to help secular folks build community. He has a podcast, a blog, etc. He's the son of Tony Campolo, the famous preacher, but he (Bart) deconverted. He's now the humanist chaplain at USC. He's trying to equip the secular community with the positive tools that the church in this area. It's a definite need right now, I think.

I just found this forum (ex church of christ), but it seems like there should be other websites that help secular folks find like-minded people with whom to build community, find support, etc.

I live in Ocala, Florida. (A long shot, but if you and others are willing to share where they're from, maybe there would be some who are close enough to get together?)

I went to Harding by the way.

[delilah]

Thanks for the info about Bart Campolo. I'll check him out. I'm in the Dallas area and there are several progressive and secular groups around here, but it's hard to build the community that a church provides without belonging to a religious organization. I may go to a Unitarian Universalist church but I'd rather avoid religion entirely.

I went to ACU & OCC.

[faithfyl]

I believe Unitarian Universalist is like a church but is open to all religions, atheist, agnostic, etc. It might be an alternative for church, for those who are non-religious. I've always wanted to visit one.

But I agree that church, for many people, is their social support group. It's why my spouse and I left a previous Presbyterian church we attended, because we didn't get any sense of belonging or social support from the other people there.

I've been to a couple of high school class reunions and my social life these days is mostly Facebook.

I have really, no desire to reconnect with anyone from Harding U. with the exception of a couple of people I still talk to occasionally.

[Ivy]

my social life these days is mostly Facebook.

I hear you, faithfyl.

I guess I am fortunate in that I am a true introvert and don't have much need for socializing, so finally giving up church was a real relief for me. The cofc of my childhood was heavily supportive, and the cofc I attended while in college was also supportive (as long as you adhered to the dogma), but never found anything like that after I left. My support network is my immediate family, and that's pretty much it. I have a handful of old friends I touch base with on rare occasions, including one who calls me maybe every month or so. I have a couple of friends here on the ex site. I have two former co-workers that I am in pretty frequent contact with and that's it. And of course I have Facebook as a pseudo-support network.

[faithfyl]

I'm an introvert also.

All my life, I felt pressured to have this big social life and social circle. I would beat myself up for not having it. Now that I'm older, it's not important anymore, and I don't care.

My sister is highly extroverted and has always had tons of friends. She would berate me and my mother for not having as many friends as she does. She'd brag about how she knew all these people who would help her out, she was never alone, she was popular. I enjoy telling people like her that I love my life the way it is; that I wouldn't change a thing; that I don't need validation from other people to feel good about myself. That I don't feel self conscious about spending time alone.