Tales from the Script

[illuminator]

Several of us here – and at the previous board – have shared our experiences post-coc. Most of us kept the faith but just found different, liberating ways of expressing our love for the Creator. Being realistic, it is to be expected that some would leave God altogether.

I heard of an up-and-coming young preacher (I’m sure most of you saw him on different coc message boards) recently left the coc. I was intrigued and visited his Facebook page to see where he’s attending now. To my shock, he not only left the coc, but left EVERYthing behind. Once soft-spoken and kind, he’s vulgar, filthy, and degenerate. He went from Mr. Rogers to Marquis de Sade – and totally blames the church!

I was totally horrified. Have you heard of similar stories? I guess I’m being totally naïve here. I just always thought one left and found religious freedom with another church or left altogether, never thought of one doing a 180.

[margin overa]

I have known quite a few adherents of a variety of fundamentalist faiths - not just CofCers - who did the predictable things after leaving behind their old churches...you know, start drinking, experimenting with drugs, smoking, talking trash, lashing out at former coreligionists, pursuing sexual promiscuity. All the things that they'd been warned at greath length to avoid. It's a very normal, very common way of attempting to shake off the hurts, the strictures placed on them, the anger. Part of it's often self-loathing, and I've seen some who never pull out of that pattern of behavior, including a good friend of mine who ended up overdosing on heroin. Most do at some point realize the destructive nature of that sort of anger, and a number come back to a church of some kind.

I've gradually decided that the idea of "church" just isn't for me. I barely rate as what I would have called a Christian some years ago, and a number of people I knew from my old CofC life, and from FHU, have done much the same. I don't know many people from that old CofC way of life - anyone prominent in that church, anyway - who has done a complete 180 degree turn. When you're in a position of influence, most want to remain in that position.

[illuminator]

Oh, I've seen folks leave and do things they once called sinful, but not to this extreme. I'm surprised no one's reported him posting that stuff on Facebook. Talk about anger issues!

[ramennoodles]

It's understandable how this happens.

It's part anger, part exercising freedom of finally being able to do the things you really wanted to do, part not caring about the consequences. Outside the church you don't have to worry about eternal damnation for the smallest mistake, just plain ol' death which seems like tranquility compared to what they teach. I've had that very same mentality as well. Luckily the worst thing that happened to me is that I became a misanthropic shut-in, although if the circumstances were right I could have easily seen myself down a similar self-destructive path [though I should say I was on a different self-destructive path from the other cult-like group I was with after the CoC until a good friend finally stepped in].

And of course, there's nothing really wrong with drinking, being sexually promiscuous, feeling angry about what happened or even talking dirty really. But it's hard to control those behaviors when you've just escaped from an oppressive place like the CoC and it's especially hard to do so when you end up joining a group that actively encourages all sort of negative behaviors without holding back. You may not have to worry about eternal damnation anymore, but there are still consequences to the things you do. [getting addicted to alcohol, getting STDs/unplanned pregnancies, or just becoming a bad person to be around overall]

[agricola]

Totally understandable, really. If you have gone years thinking 'must be perfect' and then you aren't 'perfect', then you have a hard time differentiating between genuinely harmless actions and genuinely horrible ones. From the coc position, ALL actions that aren't perfect coc actions are equally bad (evil). Plus there's the quite natural urge to let loose and at least TRY a few things (and language).

Look, the coc (or any controlling entity) can control your actions in two ways:
a) by causing you to be completely compliant or
b) by causing you to be completely NON-compliant.

It takes a little distance before you can actually make independent choices and make them well.

Anyway - he may grow out of some of that behavior, after a while. It sounds like he is still in 'furiously angry 'mode - angry that he ever believed all that stuff in the first place.

[Turtle]

People like that give atheists a bad name.

On the serious side, my husband keeps expecting me to go off the deep end any time soon. It doesn't seem to matter if I don't like alcohol, find swearing rude, and have no desire to sample all the taboos. Because I don't have a god, I must be immoral.

I look at it this way: since I've only got one life, it is very precious to me and I want to make the best of it. But I feel lucky to have reasons to be good without god. Others are not so fortunate. I feel for them and hope they find some peace.

There are a number of atheist ex- cof c if you look for them. John Loftus over at "Debunking Christianity," Michael Shermer of Skeptic magazine, Tracie Harris of "The Atheist Experience," and an anonymous ex-preacher on Patheos who was part of the Clergy Project which helps clergy leave ministry and get secular jobs. None of them are saints. Some times things they say and do make me uncomfortable, but they have to live with themselves, not me. As long as they are not actively harming others, I do not judge.

There is a saying in the atheist community,"if believing in God is all that keeps you from murdering, stealing, and raping, then I don't want to get to know you."

[AtPeace]

illuminator, I just hope that young preacher doesn't have kids. I can't imagine the pain they're in, if he does.

[margin overa]

There are a number of atheist ex- cof c if you look for them. John Loftus over at "Debunking Christianity," Michael Shermer of Skeptic magazine, Tracie Harris of "The Atheist Experience," and an anonymous ex-preacher on Patheos who was part of the Clergy Project which helps clergy leave ministry and get secular jobs.

I don't think Shermer's background is in the CofC, despite his having gone to Pepperdine. I believe he ended up going there simply because it was a Christian college nearby in southern California, and at the time, he was of a fundamentalist persuasion. I don't entirely disagree with Shermer's point of view, but his public personality leaves something to be desired; he comes across as smug and supercilious, whether that's his intention or not.

[Turtle]

There are a number of atheist ex- cof c if you look for them. John Loftus over at "Debunking Christianity," Michael Shermer of Skeptic magazine, Tracie Harris of "The Atheist Experience," and an anonymous ex-preacher on Patheos who was part of the Clergy Project which helps clergy leave ministry and get secular jobs.

I don't think Shermer's background is in the CofC, despite his having gone to Pepperdine. I believe he ended up going there simply because it was a Christian college nearby in southern California, and at the time, he was of a fundamentalist persuasion. I don't entirely disagree with Shermer's point of view, but his public personality leaves something to be desired; he comes across as smug and supercilious, whether that's his intention or not.

Yeah, I'm not fond of Shermer either, that's why I included the "they are not saints" caveat. However, his book the Believing Brain was immensely interesting.

[ena]

It's understandable how this happens.

It's part anger, part exercising freedom of finally being able to do the things you really wanted to do, part not caring about the consequences. Outside the church you don't have to worry about eternal damnation for the smallest mistake,

Nailed it! I had a great deal of irrational anger seemingly for no reason. Never worked on it in therapy directly because I did not know what it was. This has troubled me for many years. WHAT IT IS is righteous anger abort things you cannot control or be concerned about coming from legalism. I remember having to walk on eggs and live two lives. It has taken over 40 years. I currently take Sundays off. I enjoy my freedom. I do not know why anyone would want to live a life so concerned with sin. If I ever went back to the CoC I would ask difficult questions that I should have asked as a child like: Where in the Bible is denominations used. You have to know about the reformation which was a rather violent clean up of the Catholic Church that had gotten out of line so badly that Martin Luther posted his objections. At ease Catholics it is not as corrupt now. It was once pointed out by a Catholic friend that more Catholics got killed by the Protestant reprisals. I don't know if this is true or not but I let it ride. Luther desired change from the inside but the problem gathered steam into a revolution. A revolution that cut across countries. A fore bearer in my family was a Mennonite who fled Germany because such would not swear fealty and were double taxed. Even today Germans are mostly Catholic or Lutheran. There is a Church of Christ called Gemeinde Christi or assembly of christ. You can look up gemeinde separately