Survey: How old were you when you left the COC?

[Ivy]

So he never really quit, but he stopped attending at age 90.

Awww.....bless him!! He snuck out the back door....a smart way to exit without
all of the drama. ;D

My mama was still worrying about "missing services" when she was well into advanced dementia and
living in an assisted living. I just assured her that "the lord understood she was unable to attend".
Even in her impaired state, she still refused to go to the fun denominational services that were
held in the facility....because they "didn't teach 'the truth'".

[agricola]

It looks like we have a plurality leaving in their 20's (I'm guessing, 'after college') and another bump in the empty nest set. Does that look about right? People with elementary age kids and even teens (assuming based on the stated ages and typical childbearing years) seem to be less common 'leavers'.

[Tsathoggua]

It looks like we have a plurality leaving in their 20's (I'm guessing, 'after college') and another bump in the empty nest set. Does that look about right? People with elementary age kids and even teens (assuming based on the stated ages and typical childbearing years) seem to be less common 'leavers'.

My age at leaving -- 52 -- may imply "empty nest set", but I never really had a nest to empty. I have luckily remained single all my life!

[bnot]

I left at 40 after a few years of off and on study about the true origin of the coc.

[faithfyl]

I think I've responded to this question several times over the past few years, as it comes up from time to time. I was about 25 years old when I stopped attending services. My church had become too gossipy. For example, I couldn't have a simple conversation with an unmarried man without someone making comments that I was flirting with him. I also felt ashamed that I wasn't showing up for the required 3 services per week. It was also during the late 1980s and there was still pressure to be all dressed up for every service, wearing formal style clothing. I also knew if I ever married and had kids, I did not want to raise them the same way that I was brought up - restricting them from having non-C of C friends, for example.

[faithfyl]

It looks like we have a plurality leaving in their 20's (I'm guessing, 'after college') and another bump in the empty nest set. Does that look about right? People with elementary age kids and even teens (assuming based on the stated ages and typical childbearing years) seem to be less common 'leavers'.

My mom left the church once she became an "empty nester".

[FinallyFree]

My husband and I were empty nesters. Since all 3 our our kids had left CofC, that made it even easier. When they were growing up, we tried very hard to make it work for us, but it was a total disaster.

[MusicMan826]

I began thinking about leaving at 18 when I first went off to college. I began to gradually miss more and more, eventually feeling guilty and going back more after doing the "walk of shame". Finally the guilt left and I began to realize just all the things that were wrong with the COC and made my final escape shortly after I graduated from college not long after I turned 24.

[Moogy]

We left between finishing our formal education and children. But since we were slow, that put us into our 30s. I am grateful I left before having a child. Said child is probably grateful also.

[JKendallDane]

I began my exit at seventeen by making sure the grocery store I was working at in high school started scheduling me on Wednesday nights and a shift every Sunday that made it impossible to hit either service.

My first two years of college I was still living at home but my parents were retired and travelling a great deal, including 3-4 months at a time in Florida with their motorhome during the winter. Needless to say, I didn't darken the doorway of the church when they were out of town and very, very rarely attended even when they weren't.

When I moved to Columbus at twenty-four (1980) to finish up my degrees was the final break. I was inside the building three more times; once for my father's funeral, once to be an usher in a friend's wedding (both in 1983), and taking my Mom to services the last time in 1998, when her Alzheimer's had gotten bad enough we had to bring her to Florida.

When Mom finally passed away in 2004...with my oldest brother having been effectively shunned in the 1950's for being expelled from Harding, my other brother having been formally disfellowshipped in 1974 for his divorce, and me being completely out of the closet...we didn't even consider holding her services at the church. Let the biddies and "holier-than-thou" elders and deacons come to the funeral home to whisper and point instead of celebrating her life.

An interesting side note with Mom was I discovered she had stopped attending services regularly at 80, almost three years before we moved her in with us. Up until that point, she had rarely missed a service. Since she had been baptized in a creek at age fourteen, spent her entire life living a good Christian life (including a stint as an elder's wife), and fifty years in the same congregation, tells me that was probably the most difficult decision she ever made.

Now whether the fact the old home congregation's minister had gone on a six-month-long, hellfire and brimstone tirade over gay rights (including newspaper ads and radio spots ) at about the same time might have had something to do with her decision, remains unanswered to this day. But the fact she happily moved in with me and my partner and pamphlets and notes found in her Bible said she had settled the issue with God instead of just accepting the hate being preached from the pulpit.