I Went to Church This Morning

[zeek]

Believe it or not, I attended church this morning. This morning was the last assembly my old congregation had. They are giving up and shutting down and from a practicality standpoint it is way past time. Somehow, I felt an urge to be there. Don't ask why, as I haven't figured that out yet. It was incredibly sad. Worse perhaps than even a funeral. It was hard seeing those old people weeping like their hearts were breaking. I guess they were. They were down to 8 "active" members 5 women and 3 men. Thankfully, all of them had at least one adult child or grandchild with them for support today. I guess they thought I was there either as a spectator or to gloat at their ending. Neither is true. I guess I was there looking for something I had lost somewhere along the way but I don't even know what it was. Or maybe I was hoping that somebody might offer some kind of atonement for that group's corporate sins against me or at least some kind of healing. Whatever it was I was expecting or hoping to find there, it was a bust. I sang a few songs, bowed for prayers and listened to a terrible "Be Thou Faithful Until Death" sermon from an old man. I did have the decency to abstain from participating in communion. I didn't want to make a mockery of their ritual practice. That congregation was founded sometime around 1901 or 1902 and they met for nearly 50 years in the community schoolhouse until they were able to build in 1946. The old people who were there today had grandparents who were a part of that congregation. As toxic as it was it still feels sad to see it come to an end. That has to qualify as some kind of mental illness, something akin to Stockholm syndrome or something. I know it has stirred up a host of old memories and feelings that I thought I was done with.

[B.H.]

what it is zeek is that you are mourning what should have been and not actually happened. that church was a part of your life for so long and claimed it was a place of love, comfort, and protection. yet, it failed in delivering those claims. my personal advise is that there probably were some good memories especially as a child. remember those and cherish them. however, after you grew older and were ostracized look at it as that church died to you and something evil took its place.

[Ivy]

Zeek, I felt very similarly when I learned my parent's congregation had died. It is sad; it was a central part of our entire lives until we finally left.
I wish the members could have grasped why it really died. They moved on and I think at least 1-2 small splinter congregations were started. I wish the best for them all.

[SolaDude]

Wow, that is a sad one. Are there other congregations fairly close-by that these people can go to? I think many other denominations also have become small and grey-haired.

[longdistancerunner]

My old church still has about 12 people who attend. I have been told people still sit in the seats they have always sat in. It is interesting that places with no reserved seating have an informal reserved seating policy. I have seen this at musical events also.

[indigoblue]

My parents' old congregation died in the '80s. They were ahead of the times! Ha!

[rmtucker]

Zeek! I can so relate to the mixture of feelings you had attending this "ending". Perhaps as part of your healing journey it will turn out to be good that you were able to witness the end of this place. I imagine there is grief and mourning as another commenter said for "what should have been" from these professing Christians. I don't think I would have had the courage to attend this like you did, even the smells in cofCs trigger me like PTSD sometimes. The smell of semi-stagnant water in the baptistry, etc. But I like to think it was God himself that let this place close, no longer able to perpetuate harm.

[B.H.]

I came back to this thread because I have been thinking about it forca few days. my experience was different, maybe I was lucky. my non sunday school church closed in 1988. They were mostly elderly with a few middle aged folks and kids. A good sunday would see 30 or 40 in the pews. I miss those people, even though Christianity is a false religion they did introduce me to God and helped me learn godd basic morals and sense of community.

The sad thing is the local one cup church is down to 8 people now. They got up to about 50 at one point after they started in the early 80s. A lot of folks who have left them feel a lot more like zeek. I would visit them and the members there did seem to be "off". Not trying to be unkind. In a way it's sad.