Finally! I have words to communicate my feelings.

[zeek]

h..ps://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/indepth/they-hav ... li=AAo1rF5

The above link is to an article concerning career conflict management specialists and their current concerns over the acrid strife and division in our own country. I found the article very interesting but the most interesting part to me was a small paragraph in the middle that discussed the psychology of how they get people of opposing views to be able to have a civil exchange. Here is the paragraph.

When they finally met, in the fall of 2017 in Leverett, Dr. Green applied a basic rule of psychology: Once people feel heard, their dignity had been acknowledged and the facts of their lives taken seriously, it is easier to take on harder topics like politics.

Here are words that articulate or explain much of my ugly exchanges with a certain person on this board. I never feel heard or that my basic human dignity is respected or that my life experiences have been genuinely considered. In all fairness and honesty I will admit that I never extended these same courtesies to that individual either. So, now for the hard part. How do we learn or develop the ability to both meet this need for others and calmly request it from them when they fail to offer it? One other thing, I'm sure there are some on this site that will think "Why everybody knows that..." Please don't laugh at my ignorance. I know I am at a serious educational disadvantage in this group. I know most here have college degrees; I wasn't fortunate enough to get to go to college.

[Ivy]

Zeek, you write well, have an excellent vocabulary, and know how to construct a compelling argument. It is obvious you have done much personal study and reading.

[Sean]

Great post Zeek. BTW, did that person ever offer personal help say in terms of financial or help in employment opportunities? Some people consider offering to help in times of need to be the sign of genuine care and concern. I see the offer of help to be a sort of action not unlike the Good Samaritan. Doesn't mean you have to agree with or accept everything a person stands for just to offer help and show concern for needs that are not controversial. I know when I feel pressed upon to agree with or hold some position I do not feel respected. And the same for when I feel that I am being made out to be a bad person for the values and beliefs I hold.

[teresa]

I never feel heard or that my basic human dignity is respected or that my life experiences have been genuinely considered.... How do we learn or develop the ability to both meet this need for others and calmly request it from them when they fail to offer it?

I think a lot of us are challenged in this way. I carry around in myself this feeling that I am "not okay". It comes I think from childhood, where I was discouraged from sharing my thoughts, needs, and feelings. And when I did share, I was told that I didn't really feel that way, or was wrong to feel that way.

Carrying around this feeling of being "not okay", I used to get upset when Petros disagreed with my thoughts or feelings. It felt to me like he was saying I was "not okay", not worthy of the dignity of being a human being. Eventually I found some mentors who were safe to trust with my thoughts and feelings. I remember saying to my first therapist, "You don't know how I feel" and his response was "No, I can't know how you feel. But I can help you explore how you feel." I found his answer both satisfying and unsatisfying. Satisfying because he recognized he was "not me"; unsatisfying because I had yet to develop a sense of being a valued "me".

My second mentor taught me that I would always feel "not okay", but I could turn down the "volume" of those feelings. The other thing I learned is that some people are safe and others are not safe. And some people are safe except when they feel others are viewing them as "not okay". I also learned that I tend not to be a safe person IRL because my first impulse is to problem solve rather than listen and reflect back thoughts and feelings.

It's really hard for me to maintain my sense of valued "me" when people are telling me I am "not okay". On this board, if I start to feel like that, I absent myself until I no longer feel the urge to defend myself or lash back.

[ena]

I carry around in myself this feeling that I am "not okay". It comes I think from childhood, where I was discouraged from sharing my thoughts, needs, and feelings. And when I did share, I was told that I didn't really feel that way, or was wrong to feel that way.

I had trouble connecting with my emotions for many years because the Church of Christ discourages that. It is worse for women because of 1 Timothy 2:12 KJV:

12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

I personally reject 1 Timothy because it promotes other lies. I do not believe Paul wrote it. 2 Timothy and Titus are probably the same female hating author, There are some books that belong and some that do not. The Church of Christ promotes the Bible as inerrant that means without error. I can get into the blinking roots of the word, but I have wasted to much time on this site. I can prove it is not inerrant. I can even show errors in translation. I even asked in prayer Why the Bible is not inerrant and received an answer. It was an image of an overly proud parent. In other words God is very proud of his son. His pride allows his son to determine your salvation or not. Why because God has given him the authority. Jesus has a relationship with God that you and i can't. You are judged by your belief in Jesus or you are judged under the law. This is clear in scripture. Your choice is the Kingdom of Jesus for 1,000 years and whatever follows or the Lake. I don't like hell fire and brimstone. But there will be two resurrections one in several parts to glory and one to dispose of the garbage including liars. Much of the Church of Christ falls in that category. I believe it is God that tosses them. Not because God gets off on it but sees it as necessary. That is bad news. The good news is that you can save yourself. God has left in the Bible what you need to know. Their is no one in the Church of Christ that understands it. If is spiritually derived. I am developing a feel for it. There are many lies in our society. They extend to lies about diabetics. There are doctors that get it and don't. The majority don't. Vitamin D is an example. If you are low and nurse your baby your baby will get none. If you are pregnant and low your baby will steal from your body what it can making you lower. A growing body needs vitamin D for bone growth. There are many other hormones that won't work right. Your immune system will not work right. MS is caused by low vitamin D. So is Type 1 diabetes. I believe Type 2 also, I was 19 ng/ml in 2009. Heart trouble is related to low vitamin D. Breast Cancer is related to low vitamin D and low iodine. The American diet is low Iodine. The Japanese eat kelp as do I. They make salads of fresh kelp. I have ordered then in Japanese restaurants. They use it in nori (dried kelp sheets) to make sushi. They get 15 times what Americans get. The bonus is lower rates of breast cancer.

Teresa I like your research into finding how the Church of Christ is different from other churches. I respect someone that uses the brain. That is why God gave you one. You are much more than you think you are. Sorry about my divergent path.