Hello everyone

[Lovedbygod]

I'm glad to have found this site, and I look forward to getting to know you all.

I was raised in the CofC, married in the CofC, and by God's grace was led out while my children were still tiny. I knew I would lose a lot, and I did. My parents grieved heavily and died 10+ years ago believing that I am not saved. My cousin, who is a CofC preacher and who was like a brother to me in our childhoods, confronted me on numerous occasions. He would not eat with me for years, then changed his mind about that for some reason. I was not invited to his children's weddings. He told my mother on her death bed that he would "never give up on me." He does not show interest in my life or offer support in difficulties as you might think a spiritual person would, but takes any opportunities to promote a sense of guilt and fear. I finally decided (fairly recently, and I am in my 50s) that I would stop responding to his little group emails that he sends out. I kept wanting his approval because I need a sense of family, but it was an unhealthy one-way thing, and I started to realize that I was in effect being bullied. My cousin's children went to a college just a couple of miles from where I live (in a different state from my cousin) and never contacted me. I knew without being told that I was not welcome to contact them. I could have provided a hangout for them and home cooked meals and lots of love, but I was denied that privilege. Last week his youngest son actually contacted my daughter and came over to our house to play music with her and her friend. He was very stiff, and It was very awkward. I told him that he is welcome here anytime. I went out, and my daughter told me later that he did not eat when they had dinner. I don't know why ... Maybe he wasn't hungry.

One of my sisters married a CofC preacher and told me that the only way she could have a relationship with me was if I would agree to study with her. I declined, stating that I knew what the outcome would be and that I did not have the emotional energy to spend that way. That's not a relationship anyway. She has cut me and my children out of her life. My other sister has waffled in and out of the CofC and has finally gone back into it. She gave me the "Muscle and a Shovel" book a couple of years ago. She is full of fear. At least she still communicates with me, and we have sort of a friendship.

When I left and divorced my husband a few years ago because of his longstanding porn addiction, bipolar disorder, and narcissism, I received another "black mark" on my character and no support from the CofC people in my family. And now, of course, I have lost the relationships with the in-laws too. Thank God for my daughters. When I read this, it sounds like a pity party, but God is my witness, it's just the facts. I am comforted by the fact that I am a real person and have a real relationship with God, something I didn't have before I was set free of this bondage. I am very sad that good people are so blind. I know we are all blind in many ways, but there is a blindness that is just toxic and so very hurtful. I don't want to be bitter, but sometimes I feel very angry about it. I thought I would/should be over it by now.

It helps me to read your stories. Thank you for your support.

[FinallyFree]

So glad you have joined us! This site is a big help. Your family has really given you a hard time. What a mess!

[bnot]

Thanks for sharing, glad you are here!

[flawed]

Hi and welcome to the board.

[GMan]

Welcome!

[agricola]

Welcome to the ex-board!

[teresa]

Maybe he wasn't hungry.

Or maybe he thought he was following 1 Corinthian 5:11. "But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people". If so, his purpose in coming over may have been to become "friends" with her in order to "convert" her. There is a branch of the CoC that is very much into this kind of (fake) "friendship" evangelism. But not eating with her may be his way of drawing a line and keeping his CoC family happy.

[coffeegrammy]

Welcome! Reading your story made me want to reach out and give you a great big hug! I admire your strength.

[Lovedbygod]

Maybe he wasn't hungry.

Or maybe he thought he was following 1 Corinthian 5:11. "But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people". If so, his purpose in coming over may have been to become "friends" with her in order to "convert" her. There is a branch of the CoC that is very much into this kind of (fake) "friendship" evangelism. But not eating with her may be his way of drawing a line and keeping his CoC family happy.

That may be his thinking; or he may be questioning. He is only 21 and is a musician, into playing in different venues around town. I'm going to keep my mouth shut and see where it goes. It is very offensive for someone to come into my home and spend time, then refuse to eat with us because of I Cor. 5:11. It is equivalent to labeling us as immoral people. But this kid probably doesn't have the social skills or understanding to figure that out.

[Lovedbygod]

Welcome! Reading your story made me want to reach out and give you a great big hug! I admire your strength.

Thank you so much! This board has already been very helpful to me. The damage is extensive when family rejects you, and I have been trying for years to ignore the damage, which needs to be grieved. I really want to move past it and forgive completely, but I'm not there yet.