Struggling

[rehabber7]

@seeking - Realize that most Christians (probably your wife included) do not place as much emphasis on being doctrinally correct in the first place. And you may also reach this point eventually too.

[agricola]

Not that we are saying the coc is 'doctrinally correct' in the first place - because it isn't - even if there is such a thing as totally completely 'doctrinally correct'.

[ena]

I've struggled with the CoC since I left college, but mainly for weak sermons, and not on some of the true hardline beliefs (baptism, etc). 7 years passed since college and I am now married to my wife for 6 months. She did not grow up in the CoC. It was a topic of great discussion in our dating and even our engagement, because she did not like the CoC for many reasons. She saw the "self-righteous" attitudes. She saw the exclusivity. She also saw how much it tore me up at the thought of leaving, so much that I almost called off the relationship a week before our wedding date. She has never seen "Christianity" do that do someone, and now that we've been married for 6 months, doesn't want to be a part of it. We go to a CoC on Sunday morning, and another church on Sunday evening (of the reformed tradition). We continue to argue over going to the CoC. She doesn't have a problem with it, but she thinks its crazy that I don't want to go anywhere else. I am so conflicted, because I see other points so clearly! Infant baptism I get it (to a point). Her church is a liturgical church with women that lead prayer, scripture, and communion regularly, and its beautiful, but I have so much CoC thought in me I don't know where to turn. I can't get away from the thinking of "they're wrong and here is book chapter verse to prove." She is really pushing to leave, but where do I go? Do I become a "reformed Christian" like Anglicans, Presbyterians, etc, and submit to infant baptism and in the cases of Anglicans "the bishop." Do I change to a baptist church and submit that the baptismal waters do not save you but are "an example and sign of faith." Do I disregard either views of historical Christianity and turn and find a non-denominational community church that has few "rules," but "a lotta love." I have no idea where to turn, except back to CoC since it lines up with my belief structure. But my wife can't hardly stomach it, because she sees through the muck that all of the rest of us struggle with. And I hate what this is doing to us, because of me focusing on deepening my faith and spiritual formation, I'm focusing on hardline beliefs that are tearing my home down.

You covered a lot of ground here. The woman I married was raised Baptist. I was raised mainline CoC. I experienced the following problems. The first one is judgement of others. While you do have to be careful in this world in does not bode well to sift people through the CoC stainer. Let the judgement demon go. You might do a study of women in the early church. Priscilla taught an adult male along with her husband. Consider that Mary Magdalene was a central figure around Jesus during the resurrection story. It is a testimony to her love of Jesus as a person. Were she a man she probably would have been an Apostle. Phillip had four daughters that prophesied that would not be allowed to even speak in the CoC. Something is wrong here with the CoC picture. Can you ask Paul today about the extent of application. There is a problem with reading someone elses mail in that you do not really know the entire context and you do not know the heart of the players. I am not sure the Restoration Movement is right. God keeps a remnant to himself even with in adversity. If not he can easily make it self destruct. The reformation was such a process. For historical reasons the word denomination does not appear in the Bible? So how can you condemn them?

[rehabber7]

@seeking - Like Agricola said, there are plenty, plenty of CoC doctrines that are wrong. But that's OK. If it will help you, I can show you some of them. But, even bigger than the incorrect doctrines is the need to be 100% correct in the first place.

I could discuss with you many of the doctrines, but I have no need or desire to convert you to my way of thinking on them. And, if you don't agree with may, that's OK too.

Along these same lines is the traditional CoC train of thought that everything doctrinally related has already been worked out and finalized. There's never any consideration that one might need to keep on studying and learning. No consideration that one's beliefs on something might actually be wrong, and that one might come to believe something different after more prayer and study.

Here's where it started for me - instrumental worship. That verse about singing "psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs". Well, I found out that the original Greek meaning of the original Greek word that is translated as "psalm" is - "to pluck or to twang" - as in a stringed instrument. So, if one REALLY follows CoC teaching, then we are actually commanded by direct command to sing at least 1 song every Sunday that is accompanied by musical instruments. (The old thing about "twanging the heart strings" is really stretching it don't you think?).

Anyway, once I got to that point, I began to challenge it all. And I am still learning 20+ years later. And I still have some certain issues, teachings, and doctrines for which I readily admit that I understand them differently today that I did in the past, but yet I still do not have a full and complete understanding. In other words, "I do not know". And that is a perfectly acceptable answer. One does not have to know and understand everything 100% correct in order to be a Christian.

[lvmaus]

One does not have to know and understand everything 100% correct in order to be a Christian.

Only the head elders 'know and understand everything 100% correct ...'.

[AtPeace]

I had forgotten how important being right is until reading this thread. It really is astonishing what a diversion from reality that is. Only by leaving that pursuit behind can a person really stumble upon the breadth of that which is holy.

It is so sad to me that so many well intentioned people miss out on so much, all to have "answers."

[Gone4Good]

Perhaps you would both feel more comfortable in a more "branch" of the church of Christ, at least for a while. My own journey was somewhat like your description. My husband was not COC and could see right through it from day one. When we left, we went to a bigger COC for a few months. Then to a Christian Church for a couple of years. Then to a non-denominational church for a couple years. Then to a Baptist church for a while and now we are not members of any congregation/denomination. (We'd like to attend services regularly, we're still believers, but we're having difficulty finding a congregation that fits our beliefs.) It was easier on me to ease my way out of the COC than to leave cold turkey. I didn't even realize it was happening at the time. Little by little as I studied more and heard from other preachers/teachers/members different points of view, I was able to accept that even the things I thought the COC did right were actually wrong.