Newbie

[Aine]

Hello,

I was an ICoC member from 1993 to 2003. I haven't been on a site like this in a long time, but lately, 14 years after fleeing the insanity, the trauma has come back to haunt me. Recent events in my life have triggered memories that I thought were behind me. But it turns out I still carry a lot of pain and anger over the whole ordeal. In truth I wish I could have Kip thrown into prison for the rest of his life, for all the damage he has caused to so many thousands of other lives.

I had been seeing a counselor for PTSD, but we had suspended our visits because I was doing well enough that it wasn't necessary to meet on a regular basis. I'm not sure I even told her about the ICoC - it was a long time ago and I thought I was over it. But last weekend I cried about the experience for the first time since leaving the "church". This week I called my counselor and made an appointment. Then I went online and found this forum.

Among the highlights of my 10-year odyssey, I was subjected to one lecture after another about my migraine headaches, which were considered some sort of spiritual weakness on my part. I was even told, "Sickness is sin." During one of my more memorable "discipling" sessions on the subject, an intern told me to turn to John 5, which I knew was the story of the paralytic at the pool. This passage had been read to me countless times by then and I was totally exasperated. I put down my Bible and said, "You think I don't want to get well?" She became patronizing and started with that "Now, sister -" crap, and I just snapped. I told her she had no clue what she was talking about, nor did anyone else who thought I had faith issues because of my illness. What I had was an incredibly hectic lifestyle that was exacerbating my condition. A neurological disorder is something to be taken seriously - it is NOT "just a headache", as I was told more than once. It's pretty scary now to think I had such ignorant people trying to run my life.

My "Kingdom" marriage was a disaster also. My husband, whose supposed ambition was to become a minister, was actually an abusive child molester. When he treated me badly, I would usually be asked what MY sin was in the situation. It was just automatically assumed that I must have done something wrong in order to be wronged by my spouse. When I saw inappropriate behavior between him and his daughter (by a previous marriage) and expressed my concern to the leaders, they ignored me. I learned that he had molested at least one family member in the past, and the staff were aware of this. And yet they basically wrote me off as a drama queen when I became afraid for his daughter's safety.

When my spiritual mentors would not help me, I made an anonymous report to authorities, which would be helpful a few years later. I was divorced in 2002 and left the ICoC the following year. In 2005 my ex-husband was convicted on two counts of child sexual assault, for molesting his daughter and one of her friends. He spent eight years in the state penitentiary. I wrote a letter to the elders about the real seriousness of the situation that the leaders had chosen to disregard. One of them wrote me a very apologetic letter in return, but he was not one of the people who owed me an apology. I never heard from any of those fine folks, who knowingly enabled a child molester.

I have other horror stories as well, like everyone else - unrealistic demands on my time and finances, "disciplers" breathing down my neck constantly, heinous living situations as a single, etc. I remember being given "advice" about the most ridiculous things - hair, makeup, jewelry, being "sharp", and on and on and on. It was all so superficial. But when I wanted to discuss something of a spiritual nature, I would get pat answers like, "Just pray about it." (You think?)

So this is a really, really short version of how the ICoC made a huge mess of my life. I'm just coming to realize that it made a bigger mess out of me than I thought, which is how I've arrived at this point, spilling my guts on this forum. I've said many times that I won't envy people like Kip when they meet their Maker. But I don't think I'll feel sorry for them either.

[Cootie Brown]

I'm sorry to learn about all the trauma you're experiencing. The ICOC is generally recognized as a cult. I've heard a lot of stories from people who have become tangled up with them only to deeply regret that later on.

Due to the intense indoctrination people are subjected too by such religious groups recovering from that is very difficult. And like any traumatic experience it stays with you and it is difficult to free yourself from it.

There is such a thing as Traumatic Religious Syndrome which is similar to PTSD and you note you're working with a counselor. It sounds like you might want to start meeting with your counselor again. Again, I am sorry to hear about all the problems that group has and is causing you.

[Aine]

I'm sorry to learn about all the trauma you're experiencing. The ICOC is generally recognized as a cult. I've heard a lot of stories from people who have become tangled up with them only to deeply regret that later on.

Due to the intense indoctrination people are subjected too by such religious groups recovering from that is very difficult. And like any traumatic experience it stays with you and it is difficult to free yourself from it.

There is such a thing as Traumatic Religious Syndrome which is similar to PTSD and you note you're working with a counselor. It sounds like you might want to start meeting with your counselor again. Again, I am sorry to hear about all the problems that group has and is causing you.

Thanks for your reply and for your encouragement. I agree that the ICoC is a cult, I only wish it hadn't taken me so long to come to that realization. It's amazing how they can mess with your head. I really had no idea of the hold this had on me. And yes, I do intend to start seeing my counselor again. We have an appointment week after next.

I had never heard of Traumatic Religious Syndrome, that is very interesting. I'm going to mention that possibility to my counselor.

Thanks again for writing. It's nice to be able to talk to people who understand.

[Cootie Brown]

I've linked two Youtube video's on Religious Trauma Syndrome. These two psychologist both were raised in fundamentalists forms of Christianity and suffered abuse. After becoming psychologists they both decided to focus on this problem. I hope you will find value in the video's I've linked. There are many more similar videos on Youtube.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7CKEd7dysk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oylja-1G6aQ&t=17s

[Moogy]

Welcome to our board. I am glad you are seeking help. Most of us were in the various versions of the regular COC, rather than the ICOC. I hope we can support you in your recovery.

[Tsathoggua]

Holy Cow! That's terrible! Wotta story! I hope that you can recover from all the trauma. Some people are such jerks! Welcome to the board!

[KLP]

welcome

[Aine]

I've linked two Youtube video's on Religious Trauma Syndrome. These two psychologist both were raised in fundamentalists forms of Christianity and suffered abuse. After becoming psychologists they both decided to focus on this problem. I hope you will find value in the video's I've linked. There are many more similar videos on Youtube.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7CKEd7dysk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oylja-1G6aQ&t=17s

Thanks so much for this. I'll check out the vids as soon as I can. (I did also Google Religious Trauma Syndrome).

I really appreciate the info.

[Aine]

Welcome to our board. I am glad you are seeking help. Most of us were in the various versions of the regular COC, rather than the ICOC. I hope we can support you in your recovery.

Thank you. I'm really glad I found this forum as I am definitely in need of some support... and I certainly seem to have found it.

I appreciate all of your kind words.

[Aine]

Holy Cow! That's terrible! Wotta story! I hope that you can recover from all the trauma. Some people are such jerks! Welcome to the board!

Yes, I agree it's terrible. I actually have a 10-page version of the story, which is STILL a very condensed version. I had planned to post it on the Reveal site, but that looks incredibly outdated. Somehow I'd like to get it out there though. The world needs to know the ICoC is nothing but an organized crime ring.

I hope I can recover too. Actually I'm determined to recover, if nothing else so I can give the figurative finger to Kip & Co. lol

Thanks for writing.