Western Michigan

[Bradw011]

Hi all, new member here. I've lurked here on and off, but have finally decided to introduce myself. I have a lot going on, however I'll keep this brief:

I wasn't raised CoC, but Baptist. I began attending at 16 when I started dating a girl who later became my wife. Married at 18, Baptized at 20. I've now been married 12 years and an atheist for the last 3. Technically, I began having doubts much earlier, but I kept those hidden for fear of retaliation by friends and family. I've attended primarily conservative (and for a while, ultra-conservative) congregations. I now feel that these type of congregations are semi-cults, or at least exhibit several dangerous cult-like behaviors. I have two children, 9 and 10, who have been raised in the church. I am concerned for their mental health, which is making me think more and more that divorce may be the only way to save them. Throughout our marriage, where I fell away from the faith, she only grew stronger. This isn't the only marital issue we have, but this certainly plays a huge role that touches several areas.

There's so much more to this, but that's about as brief as I can be at the moment. I look forward to interacting with you all.

[flawed]

Welcome!

[agricola]

Welcome to the discussion and support board - and your children are at prime ages for leaving, in my opinion! I'm sorry that there may be serious conflict between you and your wife, however. I hope this is just what you fear, rather than something you have evidence of. Maybe she is more receptive than you think, at least to checking out less conservative denominational choices.

[Cootie Brown]

Howdy and welcome. If you've been lurking then you know we have a few non-believers here, me being one of them. I was originally a Southern Baptist for 12 years, A Baptist by Marriage, before we became associated with the Church of Christ thru a Bible study.

If you are not aware there is another site dedicated to those who have left the Christian Faith. It's called Ex-Christian.net. I go by Geezer over there but I have the same icon. That is a good site if you are seeking information that challenges the Bible being literally true or historically accurate. There are a lot of really knowledgeable folks over there with a lot of evidence that essentially proves the Bible simply isn't true.

It's a big site with active posters from all over the world. Just noting it in case you have some interest.

[SolaDude]

My thought would be that if you are contemplating divorce, you talk with an attorney who can give you your chances of having an ongoing relationship with your children....depending on the state you live in, in general terms, the mother is preferred by default to be the primary parental custodian....and if there is an argument against you that you are godless and therefore a detrimental influence on your children, your chances of relating with your children may diminish even more (again, depends on the jurisdiction you live in), significantly restricting your visitation time with/access to your children.

Would there be an agreement on a particular marital counselor as between you and your wife? If the two of you could somehow agree on such a person, perhaps counseling could preserve your marriage. I presume your wife knows your views on religion??

[Tsathoggua]

Welcome aboard!

[Shrubbery]

Welcome! I, too, am not sure how best to handle the children in my situation (I haven't left yet physically), though in my situation, divorce is not on the table at all. I intend to go to a denominational church that is probably going to be the opposite of fundamentalist, and maybe bring the kids on occasion and ultimately let them decide where they want to go. Exposing them to other beliefs and ideas will help, I think. I talk with them a lot (moreso than their dad does), so they're getting a lot of ideas from me. Make sure you talk to your kids regularly - let them know they can come to you with whatever and talk to you about anything.

I agree with SolaDude that you'd want to be careful about divorce for the sake of getting your children out of the coc. It could backfire. :/ I know a family where the parents divorced (though it was considered scriptural, so I assume he cheated on her), and the church disfellowshiped him. The kids stayed in the coc with their mom and they have disfellowshiped him as well. They're grown adults now, and I don't think he even gets to see his grandchildren. The kids were all school aged when the divorce took place. The kids went to their dad's house for visitation, but they stopped seeing him once they became 18.

[Ivy]

Welcome, bradw011!!

[teresa]

Welcome to the board.

[B.H.]

Welcome.