Hello Again... family drama...UGH

[ctea03]

I was here briefly on the old site, and have been registered here for a little while but have yet to post.

When I was last here, my husband had moved 1200 miles away from my family & their intrusive oversight (TO bible-belt, no less...) Recently, my mother called to ask about our church attendance because my father had been nominated as an elder ("faithful" adult children are required, as we all know.) I answered her honestly, that we were not attending and naturally she asked why... I told her that was simply not where we were at. She got teary, said she would pray that we "got there soon" and that was that.

A little over a week ago, we went home for a "visit" and spent about 5 hours at my parents house. During which my father sat with his arms crossed and said a grand total of 12 words to anyone. Clearly, he is angry about our lack of attendance... I basically had to force a hug on him coming and going after having been away for 7 months. Thankfully, my mom and grandmother filled in the blanks, but I am so immensely hurt by my father's behavior, I can barely hold it in.

I have been avoiding my mother's calls, because I know I won't be able to keep my emotions in check. She sent me a text today and asked if everything was OK and I texted back, letting her know that I was very hurt and upset and that I needed some time and space. She clearly discussed this with my father and I got an email a few hours later. Quasi-apologizing, but basically making excuses for being the person he has always been... a giant authoritarian jerk.

I was talking to my husband & told him that I was pretty sure that in the last 20 years, I had cried about my fathers actions more than smiled. I'm really struggling with this. I don't want to hurt my mom by severing the relationship with him, but I don't see how I can remain in what has been an unhealthy relationship for the majority of my life. If it was any other man, I could and would walk away without a second thought...

Has anyone else had something similar happen and it turn out well?

[GMan]

That is horrible that happened to you.

All I can give you is HUGS!

[HighLiter871]

More than once my mother wept in my presence, over her conviction that I was going to Hell for having left "The" church. How many other times she did so alone, I don't even want to guess, God rest her soul. It's a vile and despicable belief-set we're dealing with here, that preys on the minds of sensitive people like my mother, many of whom are ill-equipped to handle such rigidity on an intellectual or emotional basis. I had to get away, to put as much distance as possible between myself and that twisted so-called church. In so doing I also distanced myself from her and several other family members, but there was no choice; it was a matter of survival for me -- I had to decompress, settle, realign and start over with my life. It was hard. Very hard.

I'm sorry to be unable to offer much encouragement, but I have read so many stories on this board that parallel my own. I console myself with the understanding that mother's beliefs were formed in a time long ago, when access to information was so greatly limited, that she truly believed she was living in accord with God's will and finally, given all that, that she did the best she could.

I have far less sympathy for the current-day purveyors of this absurdity, who would have the simple-minded believe that St. Paul the Apostle was actually an early spokesman for the Stone-Campbell Restoration movement.

[bnot]

Sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you shared! This is the place for support, nice to see you back.