My story is probably similar to many others on this board. I grew up in the CoC. It was drilled into my head that we were the divine church and the only ones with a chance of going to heaven. My father did not go to church with us therefore I spent my whole life thinking,that despite my dad being the kindest person I knew, he would go to Hell. Bc he didn’t attend church with us my family was looked down upon. There was a hierarchy within the church. The deacons and elders were the elite. I never once thought I was good enough to go to heaven or worthy of Gods love. Therefore I never had any sort of spiritual connection to him.
I am 42 and yearning for something more. I left the church after graduation but am just now realizing the emotional damage it has caused. My lack of worthiness and self love stem from the fact that I was “trash” within my own church. How can I love myself if I’m not even worthy of Gods love? I fear dying without ever connecting to something higher than myself. And I am still quite fearful of hell.
Ready to Heal
Re: Ready to Heal
Welcome to the Board, Searching. Yes, your story is similar but everyone's story is also uniquely different, too. Do I understand correctly that you stopped going to church about 20 years ago or so when you were in college? If so, have you tried any other churches since then? FIRST AND FOREMOST: you are not trash, you have been chosen by God Himself.
I strongly identify with your feelings. I did not know Romans 8:1 existed until I read it with a friend in college. I walked around in a state of shock and disbelief for days. That scripture says that there is NOW no condemnation for those who are "in" or "belong" to Christ Jesus. No one in my church ever read or taught that. It was always that we WERE under condemnation, that that was the modus operandus of God, to make sure we KNEW we were condemned. We had to pray for forgiveness of the sins we committed the past week to get us out of the condemnation we got ourselves into AGAIN that week, and on and on. In other words we are Christians, the condemned, most all of the time. I would say that therefore your story would be very similar to mine.
I hope FIRST if you still seek God and Christianity that you will find someone who understands and believes in the GRACE of God. The grace of God as a saving power which covers you in your belief. SECONDLY, someone who knows God as someone who is concerned about the HEART of man, not merely his actions in his judgment of man. And THIRDLY, the supreme importance of BELIEF (i.e., faith, loyalty) in placing you "in" Christ and making you "belong" to Christ and permanently in his protection, possessing a new heart created by Him within you AND possessing his very Spirit. That's why you are a child of God. If your own child screws up, he still remains your child, you do not sever your parental tie to him or her merely because of something he or she did. That tie is permanent. Even Christ said no one or nothing, including Satan, can snatch you out of His hand. He came to keep you out of hell, not condemn you to it, and most importantly to restore you permanently, into a new being, transferring you into a new kingdom.
Please let me know if I am making any sense to you.....
I strongly identify with your feelings. I did not know Romans 8:1 existed until I read it with a friend in college. I walked around in a state of shock and disbelief for days. That scripture says that there is NOW no condemnation for those who are "in" or "belong" to Christ Jesus. No one in my church ever read or taught that. It was always that we WERE under condemnation, that that was the modus operandus of God, to make sure we KNEW we were condemned. We had to pray for forgiveness of the sins we committed the past week to get us out of the condemnation we got ourselves into AGAIN that week, and on and on. In other words we are Christians, the condemned, most all of the time. I would say that therefore your story would be very similar to mine.
I hope FIRST if you still seek God and Christianity that you will find someone who understands and believes in the GRACE of God. The grace of God as a saving power which covers you in your belief. SECONDLY, someone who knows God as someone who is concerned about the HEART of man, not merely his actions in his judgment of man. And THIRDLY, the supreme importance of BELIEF (i.e., faith, loyalty) in placing you "in" Christ and making you "belong" to Christ and permanently in his protection, possessing a new heart created by Him within you AND possessing his very Spirit. That's why you are a child of God. If your own child screws up, he still remains your child, you do not sever your parental tie to him or her merely because of something he or she did. That tie is permanent. Even Christ said no one or nothing, including Satan, can snatch you out of His hand. He came to keep you out of hell, not condemn you to it, and most importantly to restore you permanently, into a new being, transferring you into a new kingdom.
Please let me know if I am making any sense to you.....
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FinallyFree
- Posts: 2389
- Joined: Sat Aug 01, 2015 3:29 pm
- Location: Southaven, MS
Re: Ready to Heal
I so want to give you some good answers, so I will try. I understand about not connecting to God when you were growing up. I had very low self-esteem and that made it hard for me. The CofC is a very negative church, in my opinion. They focus so much on how everyone else is wrong and their focus is not very enriching. I now attend a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). We follow the liturgical year and things like Christmas and Easter can be very meaningful. We have some gay members, and they are loved and accepted.
I understand about feeling like you don’t fit in. I have a gay son and that makes you feel like you don’t fit in. Also, one of my children has an addiction problem. I remember before I had children, there was a church I attended that focused on one of the church members who was an alcoholic. And, with the whole going forward and confessing your sins thing, it is just a bad experience. There are better churches out there.
I understand about feeling like you don’t fit in. I have a gay son and that makes you feel like you don’t fit in. Also, one of my children has an addiction problem. I remember before I had children, there was a church I attended that focused on one of the church members who was an alcoholic. And, with the whole going forward and confessing your sins thing, it is just a bad experience. There are better churches out there.
Re: Ready to Heal
I'd like to welcome you to the ex-CoC board, and I hope you find many useful things among our discussions - do feel free to pull up as many as you wish, and asking whatever you would like to ask.
History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.
Re: Ready to Heal
Welcome to the board. It makes such a huge difference to know that we don't need to be worthy of God's love, in order for God to love us.
The story of the Bible is that humankind turned away from God and started being hateful to one another, and God worked really hard to make his love, strength and goodness known, so that people would want to turn back to him and learn how to love one another better.
The story of the Bible is that humankind turned away from God and started being hateful to one another, and God worked really hard to make his love, strength and goodness known, so that people would want to turn back to him and learn how to love one another better.