New(ish) Member!

[Leuedai]

Hey everyone! I had created an account a couple of years ago, but couldn't log in so I created a new account. It is probably good anyway now that I have a new username...the last time I made an introductory post I was in a really dark, angry place with the cOC and probably gave a little bit too much info that any lurkers out there could have identified me.

I left the cOC a few years ago; in the months leading up to me leaving, I was super stressed with wedding planning (getting married to a non cOC-er, which was a major point of contention with my church) and also with the uncertainty of how people would treat me after I left the cOC. I felt like I was gaining a family by marrying my husband, but then also losing the only family I had known. When I finally announced to the elders I was leaving, I was burned by the intense, collective cold-shoulder from "friends" and family that I thought would be more accepting of my departure. In general, my experience left me bitter, angry, and depressed. I convinced myself that I was strong- "sticks and stones won't break my bones", right? I had a new family now and that should be enough, right? I ended up bottling all of my emotions inside, swearing to myself that if there was any emotional or mental damage from that church, then I could take care of it. I then created an account here, posted my (probably too revealing) story on the welcome forum, and then continued to browse comments and posts from you guys.

I was so happy that I found a place that understood what I was feeling, but I realized that the bitterness, anger, and depression never went away. I took a break from this forum, and finally got the professional counseling I needed. I was almost floored when my counselor suggested I had PTSD- I thought that was what soldiers got, not me. I didn't think that the kinds of experiences that I and other people on this forum went through could result in PTSD. In short, it took a lot of pride-sucking on my part to realize that yes, I went through something horrible that was not normal for other people to go through, and no, I couldn't get through this on my own. It has been a few months now since I began treatment, and I have finally gotten to the point where I can honestly say that I am happy and LOVE where I am at in life. I no longer have nightmares, and I hardly ever have any flashbacks anymore. I wanted to get back on this board to really start connecting with people, giving support and gaining camaraderie, hopefully sharing with those that recently left or are thinking about leaving that everything will be okay. Thanks for reading!

[bnot]

Nice re-introduction! The old board crashed, so we all had to register new accounts. Welcome back, I'm glad to see you are in a much better place.

[agricola]

That's great that you got the counseling! Welcome back - and yes, the old board did crash and we had to create a 'new' one and start over.

[GMan]

Welcome back.

[KLP]

Welcome and I am glad to hear things are working out with the help you sought. Good for you!

[NeverAgain]

Glad you are here again. We all understand and support you. Congratulations on getting some help through the crisis. Your future will be far, far batter and more positive and more productive and more satisfying with your new life and without the gloomy negative prison of the Church of Christ.

[Free Spirit]

Welcome back! I believe that religious PTSD is real. Marlene Winell talks about it quite a bit in her book "Leaving the Fold," which I recommended in another thread. It certainly explains a lot of the problems that my sibs and I have had over the years.

[Leuedai]

Welcome back! I believe that religious PTSD is real. Marlene Winell talks about it quite a bit in her book "Leaving the Fold," which I recommended in another thread. It certainly explains a lot of the problems that my sibs and I have had over the years.

Thanks for the book suggestion! I am definitely interested in reading that. I noticed that you posted a link to your blog in your signature. Your posts really struck a chord with me, and it further asserted the fact how twisted and dark the cOC truly is.

[Leuedai]

Glad you are here again. We all understand and support you. Congratulations on getting some help through the crisis. Your future will be far, far batter and more positive and more productive and more satisfying with your new life and without the gloomy negative prison of the Church of Christ.

Thanks! It still feels really weird at some points...like I wasn't able to grow up socially in the cOC and I am just now learning for the first time. It has been exciting but also really challenging!

[Free Spirit]

Welcome back! I believe that religious PTSD is real. Marlene Winell talks about it quite a bit in her book "Leaving the Fold," which I recommended in another thread. It certainly explains a lot of the problems that my sibs and I have had over the years.

Thanks for the book suggestion! I am definitely interested in reading that. I noticed that you posted a link to your blog in your signature. Your posts really struck a chord with me, and it further asserted the fact how twisted and dark the cOC truly is.

Thansk! Feel free to comment on the blog, too. I don't update it nearly as often as I used to, but I do check it at least once a week to see if anyone comments.