Elder's kid here. My dad found the c-of-c and it fed right into his OCD. Also provided something of a panacea for my mother's rampant anxiety disorders. He soared to new highs rendering even more perfect the "one true church", and she was able to hide in the structure, with continuous, thrice-weekly reinforcement that she was not only as good as other people, but actually on a higher plane altogether! Piece of cake.
I had a Therapist tell me that without the c-of-c in our area, his practice would be far more modest.
Greetings and Salutations
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adeaconsdaughter
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2015 10:29 am
Re: Greetings and Salutations
Thank you all so much.
Just knowing you all are out there brings me so much peace and hope.
And I completely agree with your therapist's take on the amount of patients coC has provided over the years, Highlighter. LOL.
What they did to me was so subtle in so many ways so that while my 20 something self realized they were wrong, it took me until I was 40 something to name what they did to me as abuse. And only now because I am beginning to recognize that there are some hurtles to being my authentic self that I've been avoiding or denying altogether. My near pathological level of wanting to please others. My internal fight over whether I am a good person or just pretending to be one. My inability to speak my truth because it might offend. Being a doormat and wanting desperately NOT to be a doormat. My need to be heard but not being able to say the words for fear of their repercussions.
As a teen I ran away and ended up in a safe house. I had a C on my report card. That was it. Just a C. I spent 5 days with children who had been abandoned, beaten, molested. I felt like I had no right to be there, and my parents were quick to point that out. But the social worker changed my life there. When I had to choose, with my parents in the room, whether I wanted to go home or stay at the safe house, I choose to stay. What she said to me when they left was, "How do you live with that?". They has spent an hour lecturing me on proper behavior, my over reactions, how it embarrassed them that I'd runaway. I hung my head in silence until I had to say that I did not want to return home yet. She validated my pain with that question. No one had ever, ever acknowledged that my feelings were valid. That's when I cried and felt better. When I did return to my life, I found out that they had lied to everyone. I was sick. No one at church ever knew. That's when I fully realized that it didn't matter WHAT I did really, only what everyone saw especially the congregation. A deacon must have control of his house, especially his children (which is why the C was so unacceptable) but apparently its okay to run a cover up if you cannot keep control. So that's the story of my "great awakening" - if something doesn't go "the way it should" you can just spin it. Never took another walk of shame after that.
Just knowing you all are out there brings me so much peace and hope.
And I completely agree with your therapist's take on the amount of patients coC has provided over the years, Highlighter. LOL.
What they did to me was so subtle in so many ways so that while my 20 something self realized they were wrong, it took me until I was 40 something to name what they did to me as abuse. And only now because I am beginning to recognize that there are some hurtles to being my authentic self that I've been avoiding or denying altogether. My near pathological level of wanting to please others. My internal fight over whether I am a good person or just pretending to be one. My inability to speak my truth because it might offend. Being a doormat and wanting desperately NOT to be a doormat. My need to be heard but not being able to say the words for fear of their repercussions.
As a teen I ran away and ended up in a safe house. I had a C on my report card. That was it. Just a C. I spent 5 days with children who had been abandoned, beaten, molested. I felt like I had no right to be there, and my parents were quick to point that out. But the social worker changed my life there. When I had to choose, with my parents in the room, whether I wanted to go home or stay at the safe house, I choose to stay. What she said to me when they left was, "How do you live with that?". They has spent an hour lecturing me on proper behavior, my over reactions, how it embarrassed them that I'd runaway. I hung my head in silence until I had to say that I did not want to return home yet. She validated my pain with that question. No one had ever, ever acknowledged that my feelings were valid. That's when I cried and felt better. When I did return to my life, I found out that they had lied to everyone. I was sick. No one at church ever knew. That's when I fully realized that it didn't matter WHAT I did really, only what everyone saw especially the congregation. A deacon must have control of his house, especially his children (which is why the C was so unacceptable) but apparently its okay to run a cover up if you cannot keep control. So that's the story of my "great awakening" - if something doesn't go "the way it should" you can just spin it. Never took another walk of shame after that.
Re: Greetings and Salutations
Good for you. You are doing fine, really. Just realizing what the effects on you WERE (and to some extent probably still are) is a major step up.
History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.