Hi everybody!
Hi everybody!
I've been lurking these boards for a couple months, and I think it is incredibly healing to see how many other people went through similar situations as mine! I was born and raised in a hard core CofC family, my grampa being an elder and my dad was a deacon and eventually a preacher and missionary(and currently, Methodist pothead lol). There were 4 kids in my family, and my mom insisted on homeschooling us so we wouldn't be "corrupted" by the evil secular public school teachers. Unfortunately, my parents couldn't afford to live on one income, so the end result was all of us being left at home all day while they both worked full time jobs. The social isolation is something I'm still trying to recover from in my late twenties. I left the church at 17. Currently attending a Unitarian Universalist church,which I really like! I still occasionally suffer from "fear of hell" panic attacks, and I don't talk to my family much who stayed in the church. I'm about to have to see everybody at my sisters wedding next month and I'm having a lot of anxiety about it! That's how I ended up finding these boards. It's crazy to see people describing my exact issues! I really appreciate all of you telling your stories!
Re: Hi everybody!
Welcome to the ex board! Free handholding supplied.
History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.
Re: Hi everybody!
Come on in! The exer board has a lot of good folks running around it; there's a good variety of CoC experiences here. A lot of us have family still in the CoC, too.
Re: Hi everybody!
Glad that you are with us.
A life lived in fear,
is a life half lived.
Glen McGuire
is a life half lived.
Glen McGuire
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NeverAgain
- Posts: 149
- Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2014 9:20 am
Re: Hi everybody!
Welcome. You have friends, supporters and people who will encourage you here.
Hope you have no real problems at the wedding, but knowing how the CofC mind works, I know you cannot count on it. Of course everyone's personality is different, so how you respond to anything from an awkward question to an all-out attack will have to fit your own style. Wherever you are, I would suggest that you never, ever, under any circumstances get into a debate or even a discussion about church doctrine -- what "the church" teaches as opposed to what you believe. You can as easily argue with a stump in your backyard as with a hard-shell member of the CofC, and with as much substantive result. Actually, a stump is better. It will leave you alone.
At a wedding, a smile, a comment that "I am perfectly happy with my life, but thank you for asking" and, if necessary, "I am here to celebrate my sister's wedding, and I am not interested in discussing this with you at all" might work for you. The most common question will probably be, "So where are you going to church now?" How you answer should be whatever you are comfortable with, but you may want to get that answer in your head and stick with it, no matter how they come at you with it. Possibilities:
"The Unitarian Church, and I just love it."
"I have found a church where I am happy, thanks for asking. Isn't my sister lovely today?"
"I am not here to discuss my religion. I am here for my sister's wedding. Isn't she just beautiful?"
"That's really none of your business, is it?"
On the other hand, maybe no one will go there. We can only hope. Good luck. Let us know how you come out.
Hope you have no real problems at the wedding, but knowing how the CofC mind works, I know you cannot count on it. Of course everyone's personality is different, so how you respond to anything from an awkward question to an all-out attack will have to fit your own style. Wherever you are, I would suggest that you never, ever, under any circumstances get into a debate or even a discussion about church doctrine -- what "the church" teaches as opposed to what you believe. You can as easily argue with a stump in your backyard as with a hard-shell member of the CofC, and with as much substantive result. Actually, a stump is better. It will leave you alone.
At a wedding, a smile, a comment that "I am perfectly happy with my life, but thank you for asking" and, if necessary, "I am here to celebrate my sister's wedding, and I am not interested in discussing this with you at all" might work for you. The most common question will probably be, "So where are you going to church now?" How you answer should be whatever you are comfortable with, but you may want to get that answer in your head and stick with it, no matter how they come at you with it. Possibilities:
"The Unitarian Church, and I just love it."
"I have found a church where I am happy, thanks for asking. Isn't my sister lovely today?"
"I am not here to discuss my religion. I am here for my sister's wedding. Isn't she just beautiful?"
"That's really none of your business, is it?"
On the other hand, maybe no one will go there. We can only hope. Good luck. Let us know how you come out.
Re: Hi everybody!
welcome
Isn't the world wonderful...I am all for rational optimism and I am staying positive.
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margin overa
- Posts: 272
- Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 12:17 pm
Re: Hi everybody!
Welcome. Never Again is right, sometimes you can be pleasantly surprised at family functions, but being prepared with a calm redirecting statement is a great idea, too.
Re: Hi everybody!
Hello and welcome.
I'm in a similar situation, in regards to a family member's wedding. My sister is getting married in October and Of Course, my partner and I will be surrounded by saintly pious CoC people. Despite my slight anxiety, I too have to remember that I'm not going to be in a political debate (because that's what a CoC debate is); I'm going there to support my sister. Being an (obvious) gay/exCoC will kind of make me stick out like a sore thumb, but I'm there to focus on my sister's happiness. Thank god we have family who are not CoC; venting on the side and being cliched up with 'normal' (non CoC) people make it a little easier.
On another note, it's comforting to feel like our problems are 'normal,' and that we weren't alone, after all.
I'm in a similar situation, in regards to a family member's wedding. My sister is getting married in October and Of Course, my partner and I will be surrounded by saintly pious CoC people. Despite my slight anxiety, I too have to remember that I'm not going to be in a political debate (because that's what a CoC debate is); I'm going there to support my sister. Being an (obvious) gay/exCoC will kind of make me stick out like a sore thumb, but I'm there to focus on my sister's happiness. Thank god we have family who are not CoC; venting on the side and being cliched up with 'normal' (non CoC) people make it a little easier.
On another note, it's comforting to feel like our problems are 'normal,' and that we weren't alone, after all.
" Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change."