Boundaries - learn about appropriate boundaries....(you will need to, because we can just about guarantee that the elders won't have a clue).
You are under no obligation to communicate with them in any way whatsoever, unless you want to.
Writing your reasons down is useful, even if you don't send it to anybody at all.
Writing your reasons down will help, even if you agree to talk to them in person.
Don't let them distract you with side issues - stick to the main idea.
Don't let them gang up on you - whether all in a body, or each in succession. You have the right to decide how you will interact with other people. You can say 'no'. You can say 'not now'. You can even say 'I'll rent a facility and we'll have a debate' if you want.
Trying to find courage
Re: Trying to find courage
History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.
Re: Trying to find courage
As far as writing letters, I recently sent a 60 page document to my family about my faith and how I've moved away from the coc because of reading the bible for myself. I didn't feel cowardly about it. I continue to try to show love but needed to make clear, prayed over and studied answers, to prove that I'm not "crazy" or rebellious, etc. I think letters allow you to organize your thoughts in a way that spur of the moment conversations and interventions don't allow you to do. To me it shows you're taking it seriously!