Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Thank you everyone for responding. I'm still struggling a lot though. My whole life, I've had so much respect for the CoC. In graduate school and post-graduate studies, I went. Often, I went just for going. Sometimes I dreaded going to church because of how alone I felt (in school it was so hard to go because I worked on a lot of sundays). But now, when faced with leaving because my wife literally can't stand it when we go to a CoC, I fight tooth and nail. I can't get past the idea that the church of Christ IS right on everything. I came from a mainline background. My mother was hardline, and my father didn't care and went on Sunday's only and was not very involved. Mom evolved away from the hardliners and eventually grew distaste for them. Her bias was still clear though. When I started dating my wife, who 5 years ago stumbled on the Anglican church and loved it, my mom said that she was worried because she was afraid I may leave the CoC. I fight these things all the time. Now, a lot of my family has matured on a lot of these matters, and I know I won't be judged by them, but I do feel so much internal pressure and angst. I mean, doesn't the CoC do church leadership right, a capella singing right, baptism right, Lord's supper each Sunday, etc. We reject Calvin tooth and nail, and the baptists, because they're all wrong. And every church I've ever been to outside of CoC, I automatically judge them for being wrong. That's why I panic at the thought of leaving or looking elsewhere! Does this resonate with anyone!? It so hard for me to look elsewhere for this reason. My wife doesn't understand it, because a "church is a church," but she can see through all these problems of the CoC and recognize self-righteous attitudes, which drive her crazy and I always dismiss.

About the counselor, maybe you all are right on this one, I just don't know where to turn. If I go to the Anglican pastor, I'll get his bias, same w CoC. We plan together to read some theology books on a few subjects we both struggle on and try to come together on this.

Thanks again everyone, and one one hand, I'm happy this site exists. On the other, it makes me sad its needed, because, despite all the scads of problems with the CoC, I have always loved it.

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I do feel so much internal pressure and angst. I mean, doesn't the CoC do church leadership right, a capella singing right, baptism right, Lord's supper each Sunday, etc. We reject Calvin tooth and nail, and the baptists, because they're all wrong. And every church I've ever been to outside of CoC, I automatically judge them for being wrong. That's why I panic at the thought of leaving or looking elsewhere! Does this resonate with anyone!? It so hard for me to look elsewhere for this reason.

Oh yes indeed it resonates! Totally - and this is WHY we are all telling you this: it gets better.

I identify a lot with where you're coming from. I feel that the CoC isn't quite right for me for various reasons, but I also have a good bit of difficulty selecting an alternative denomination to worship with. As others have pointed out, I feel this is due to the CoC's tendency to discredit other sects and give their "vital flaw," which they feel therefore discredits the rest of their belief structure. Secondly, my girlfriend is similarly non-CoC and feels a lot of discomfort with many of our views and it's been a source of friction in the past.

I think the first step in this process is realizing that you're not happy with the CoC and to begin looking elsewhere for religious comfort and service. For me, I began to concern myself less with the specifics of the dogma and more with the feeling and where I felt comfortable, happy, and more connected with the Big Guy, because I think this is most important aspect of religion. It was just so odd to me that my girlfriend could be so happy in her religion and light-hearted while mine required lots of brooding and left me exhausted. She drew strength from hers while mine took something from me. If you're OK with the belief specifics but feel cold in your religion, then I'm not sure the religion is really benefiting you.

Obviously every situation is different, but I hope this conveyed that you're not alone and that you can get through this.

UMstudent wrote:I identify a lot with where you're coming from. I feel that the CoC isn't quite right for me for various reasons, but I also have a good bit of difficulty selecting an alternative denomination to worship with. As others have pointed out, I feel this is due to the CoC's tendency to discredit other sects and give their "vital flaw," which they feel therefore discredits the rest of their belief structure. Secondly, my girlfriend is similarly non-CoC and feels a lot of discomfort with many of our views and it's been a source of friction in the past.

I think the first step in this process is realizing that you're not happy with the CoC and to begin looking elsewhere for religious comfort and service. For me, I began to concern myself less with the specifics of the dogma and more with the feeling and where I felt comfortable, happy, and more connected with the Big Guy, because I think this is most important aspect of religion. It was just so odd to me that my girlfriend could be so happy in her religion and light-hearted while mine required lots of brooding and left me exhausted. She drew strength from hers while mine took something from me. If you're OK with the belief specifics but feel cold in your religion, then I'm not sure the religion is really benefiting you.

Obviously every situation is different, but I hope this conveyed that you're not alone and that you can get through this.

When you've been taught since childhood that the CoC is the ONE AND ONLY TRUE CHURCH, and all other churches are on a fast-track to Hell, it becomes difficult to make changes ... even when you finally realize something's drastically out of whack with their belief system.

It's only normal after being so thoroughly endoctrinated over the years to have doubts, fears, and a lot of confusion trying to understand what's actually right, and what's wrong. Time, study, and just plain ol' common sense play a role in shucking the CoC and embracing a church that actually promotes love, mercy, and grace.

Oh my, KLP, you really brought back a line I had completely forgotten! Gee, thanks!

AtPeace wrote:Agricola,

I loved your last line...

There's even a little section on a tiny, mostly Southern, fundamentalist denomination calling itself 'Church of Christ'

That says so much. I remember my deep, deep shock when I discovered how minuscule the Church of Christ movement is.

If it ever comes up in conversation, I am surprised at so many, even in areas where the C of C is present and even fairly visible, not knowing anything about it.
A friend recently asked me if the C of C was "apostolic," meaning Pentecostal. I almost laughed, trying to picture some of the preachers, biddies and bubbas going ballistic over such a question.

Struggler wrote:

AtPeace wrote:Agricola,

I loved your last line...

There's even a little section on a tiny, mostly Southern, fundamentalist denomination calling itself 'Church of Christ'

That says so much. I remember my deep, deep shock when I discovered how minuscule the Church of Christ movement is.

If it ever comes up in conversation, I am surprised at so many, even in areas where the C of C is present and even fairly visible, not knowing anything about it.
A friend recently asked me if the C of C was "apostolic," meaning Pentecostal. I almost laughed, trying to picture some of the preachers, biddies and bubbas going ballistic over such a question.

Don't know about the mega cities, but the one-horse communities in my area are acutely aware of the CoC, but NOT in a positive way. The modern CoC is deservedly becoming insignificant for a host of reasons; primarily their Pharisaical beliefs and the BETTER THAN THOU attitude they exude ... Oh. and their unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful, and bitter penchant to condemn everybody to Hell but themselves.

seeking wrote: I mean, doesn't the CoC do church leadership right, a capella singing right, baptism right, Lord's supper each Sunday, etc.

The following articles understand and address the CoC perspective directly. So they may be a good starting point for further study on your part. They were published in the Examiner, with Charles Holt as the editor, and widely circulated in the CoC many years ago.

"The Big Mistake: The Wrong New Covenant" http://www.theexaminer.org/volume3/number3/mistake.htm

"Looking for Mr. Goodchurch" , Part 1 thru 3
http://www.theexaminer.org/volume2/number5/mrgood.htm
http://www.theexaminer.org/volume2/number6/mrgood.htm
http://www.theexaminer.org/volume3/number1/mrgood.htm

"No New Testament Law of Worship": http://www.theexaminer.org/volume3/number6/worship.htm

You can look up other articles as well by author or topic: http://www.theexaminer.org

It may help you to know that some people who leave do not feel like they were abused, who realize there are hypocrite and arrogant types in all religions, etc., but who simply realized after reading and looking and learning, that it's really not so scary and risky to look outside what they thought they were fine with.