Ready to Recover

[B.H.]

I'm just trying to make her laugh. I would have been upset if all that happened to her happened to me.

[BabyNurse]

No worries. I'm not easily offended or scared off.

[Ivy]

No worries. I'm not easily offended or scared off.

Nurses do tend to be quite bad-ass and fearless....I've noticed.

BabyNurse, I am wondering...are you a baby nurse, as in new to the field....or are you a baby nurse, as in NICU or pediatrics? Just curious. If you don't want to disclose, that's fine.

[BabyNurse]

Newborn ICU...coming up on 15 years. Yes, we nurses have to be a rare breed to live with the things we see.

[Ivy]

Newborn ICU...coming up on 15 years. Yes, we nurses have to be a rare breed to live with the things we see.

Yes you do!!

[Lerk]

Hi All! I apologize in advance that this will probably be painfully long. I came to the realization yesterday that my experiences have left me very hardened and closed off. I don't want to feel that way, so I'm ready to try to start my post CofC healing. This group really seems like a safe space, so I'm just going to lay it all out there. So here goes...

...

My boyfriend recently found a non-denominational church he wanted to try and has been a few times. ... It was there that I realized how bitter and closed I am towards church. Their song about "all my life, God has been so good" was almost comical. ... But there are things I miss about "church," like singing, having a reason to get dressed nice, dressing my kids up and hearing them sing their little songs, and having friends. I would like to go to church with my boyfriend and "feel" something. Anything but the bitterness and skepticism I felt yesterday. I don't know where to start.

First off, welcome! We all have stories! They're all very different, yet trauma seems to be part of the recipe. I hope you find what you're needing here.

Regarding finding a church, I'm not sure a non-denominational church is really going to be that different than a CoC. They may not bill themselves as a "one true church," but I would bet that a lot of the teachings are going to be about scary hellfire and culture wars. The only improvement is likely to be that they accept divorced people.

If you're not sure you're even Christian, you might try a Unitarian Universalist church. Or, if your boyfriend wouldn't go for that (since they accept pagan and all sorts of others), you might try the United Church of Christ, which isn't related to the CoC at all. I visited one once, and they had pamphlets in the hymnal racks about being LGBTQ affirming. They're all about just being nice people and caring for each other and the community. They'll attribute the goodness to Jesus and will be singing songs about how good life is because of him, but if you can suppress your instincts to make snarky comments, you might have a nice time there.

My wife would never go for UCoC. She might go for Presbyterian, but just when I think we could do something like that, she gets all involved with her CoC people again. Plus she's afraid of what her sister would think.

I'm a closet atheist (except my wife knows), and would like to ditch it altogether, but I'm afraid one of my sons would practically cut me off, so I keep my mouth shut. (He's a CoC preacher but recently has started to realize that the CoC isn't the one true church, so I think we could get away with a denomination change.) This stuff just takes so much time!

Anyway, good luck! I think you're well on your way to a happier life, but it's hard to shed a lifetime of believing that certain things make us "guilty". I feel guilty just for doing things that aren't for someone else, or for disappointing one person in an effort to please another. If trying to be responsible results in feeling guilty anyway, you can't win for losing.

But beer helps.

[Moogy]

BabyNurse,

I am glad you found us. Your story reminds me of all the pain I have seen and experienced due to my very rigid, non-institutional (anti) COC. I left many years ago, and in retrospect, so much of the COC was absurd.

I am glad you found a partner you love, and that you have 4 wonderful children. And your profession is a gift to the world. Your life has so much good in it now!

I hope you find your way to more peace with your past.