Farewell

[agricola]

Cootie said:

I suppose the intent of this site is simply to provide a place for former members of the Church of Christ to share their stories and to confirm others have come to similar conclusions about the Church of Christ. Humans after all are a tribal species. We crave to be part of the herd. That is where we find comfort and companionship and that is enormously important but that comfort comes with a price. We have to embrace group think and not become a problem. The herd does not like troublemakers.

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And that's our issue! YES the intent of the site is to provide a place...but we have trouble working out the price, so to speak, of providing that comfort. We are hoping that dividing the board into support and discussion areas will help somewhat. It is certainly fair to ask posters not to confront people who are in need of a supportive environment before they can 'speak' (post) anything at all...but it is wrong, I feel, to ask that every poster be ONLY supportive ALL the time. Don't we want people to grow out the need for total support? (answer: yes we do) won't people out in the real world run into others who don't agree with their ideas or beliefs (unlike within the coc) and won't they need to learn to manage relationships with people they don't necessarily agree with? (yes they will)

It seems like the main reaction to any statement that is in any way abrasive or offensive is to jump immediately to 'I'm offended' and one of two things happens: a) the newish person leaves because they felt offended or b) the newish person feels offended and says so, and several posters jump to their 'support' and turn on the poster who was 'offensive'.

Well darn it, so what? People are sometimes offensive. It doesn't mean you kick them out immediately, and it doesn't mean you run away. Sometimes you just calmly state that you disagree, and you leave it be.

And we need teresa here to decide if this thread is suitable for the Welcome forum. Because you know what? I think it totally IS.

[teresa]

Agricola and I are pretty much on the same page theologically, well almost, but we are not perfectly aligned.

Keep in mind that I chose Agricola as moderator. This board is not at all adverse to having differing views expressed.

Basically, I have tried to keep the board fundamentalist-friendly, because it seems to me that folks leaving the CoC are likely to still be fundamentalists. And if they don't feel welcome here, where can they go for support? But I have also tried to keep the board friendly toward other views as well, including your own.

It is not all that easy to learn how to express one's views, without making pronouncements about other people who hold differing views. But that is the ideal we shoot for in the Differing Views forums.

[flawed]

Teresa, thanks for this place and Agri thanks for your time moderating. This board has been so crucial in helping me. I don't have any family or friends who can identify with the issues I am having, and it has been so incredibly helpful to have this little safe place where I can go. I'm not sure how to help everyone get along, other than to remind folks that we've been through or are currently in some difficult emotional situations and maybe just try to remember that and be kind. Sometimes comments are made and things continue to escalate where it just becomes a hostile environment, and for people like me, that's not a good place at all.

[agricola]

Reminder: you can go into your user control panel and put any other poster on your 'foe' list (ignore, enemy, whatever it is) and then their posts are still THERE but they aren't immediately visible and you don't have to read them if you don't want to. It can be a way to ease the heat to a bearable level, for a period of time, once you notice you are getting too caught up in an online argument.

Anybody remember that old xkcd cartoon? where the voice says 'come to bed!' and the stick figure at the desk says 'I can't! Someone is WRONG on the internet!'
Well, yes, you CAN go to bed, and in fact, you should. Consider it an exercise in self-restraint and form of meditation, to let other people go ahead and BE wrong.

http://xkcd.com/386/

[Ivy]

Basically, I have tried to keep the board fundamentalist-friendly, because it seems to me that folks leaving the CoC are likely to still be fundamentalists.

...at least at first, because even non-cofc fundamentalism seems like a breath of fresh air after years of having our spirits crushed within the cofc. I say "at first" because it seems to me that while many exers make fundamentalism their first stop upon exit, many move beyond that into other areas of freedom as we begin to trust our own integrity and discernment.

[agricola]

Basically, I have tried to keep the board fundamentalist-friendly, because it seems to me that folks leaving the CoC are likely to still be fundamentalists.

...at least at first, because even non-cofc fundamentalism seems like a breath of fresh air after years of having our spirits crushed within the cofc. I say "at first" because it seems to me that while many exers make fundamentalism their first stop upon exit, many move beyond that into other areas of freedom as we begin to trust our own integrity and discernment.

that's true, but some people don't go very 'far' and settle down, while others take a really LONG leap...and this board needs to (or tries to) be a one-size-fits-all and we all know how problematic THAT sizing method works, right?

[katisha]

Suggestions? Ideas? Comments?

I have just learned not to say anything that might lead to anyone jumping on me. There have been many topics on here that I wanted so badly to comment on, but I have withheld because I did not want to get another a** chewing. It makes life a little boring, but I can still come on here, read what everyone else has said and feel safe enough to sit here at my computer and say things like "You tell them, Agri!" or "Way to go, BH!" or "Are you out of your mind! (no name attached to this one)". My husband would call this a chicken S**t mentality, but it works for me.

Well that's just not what we'd like for you, though! Do you think this new 'division' of the board will ease that a bit?

I think the concept behind it is excellent. And I think it will help some people understand the parameters of the board and stay within those parameters. But there will always be some who like to jump on others for expressing personal opinions or for not agreeing with their opinions. I spent the first 18 years of my life with a parent who was that way, and then I joined the CofC and found I had jumped from the frying pan into the fire. At my age now I prefer things a little more peaceful. I will express my opinion only in a way that I hope and pray will not set anyone else off. And if I don't feel that is possible, I will keep them to myself. I have been attacked twice on this board, both times through email, and I don't ever want it to happen again. Felt too much like being in the CofC again.

[agricola]

Personally I would be VERY dubious about the motives and authority of any body on an internet discussion board who started using a private messaging venue in order to attack me. There are appropriate times to take a discussion into a private area but it is also possible to misuse the privilege. Maybe there are some controls for the pm system we could use? I don't do anything with the nuts and bolts around here, sorry.

Everybody: if you receive a private message which is annoying/disturbing/threatening, PLEASE forward it to a moderator for handling! We don't (and can't) read other people's 'mail' and we have no way of knowing if something untoward is taking place via the pm system!

I've had lengthy pm exchanges with some people, and I think that is sometimes very helpful to us both, but abuse is not appropriate.

[Ivy]

Basically, I have tried to keep the board fundamentalist-friendly, because it seems to me that folks leaving the CoC are likely to still be fundamentalists.

...at least at first, because even non-cofc fundamentalism seems like a breath of fresh air after years of having our spirits crushed within the cofc. I say "at first" because it seems to me that while many exers make fundamentalism their first stop upon exit, many move beyond that into other areas of freedom as we begin to trust our own integrity and discernment.

that's true, but some people don't go very 'far' and settle down, while others take a really LONG leap...and this board needs to (or tries to) be a one-size-fits-all and we all know how problematic THAT sizing method works, right?

Absolutely.....I think so.

[KLP]

...It is not all that easy to learn how to express one's views, without making pronouncements about other people who hold differing views. But that is the ideal we shoot for in the Differing Views forums.

Bingo, there is no need to disparage others thinking or motives or to characterize them negatively. Just do your own thing and leave off bashing others. Seemingly that is hard to embrace.