Longtime lurker, first time poster (Hi!)
Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2017 5:59 pm
Hi all, I've been lurking on these boards for about a year now, and thought it was time to properly introduce myself. I grew up in the non-institutional church of Christ (haha, even after years away, my instinct is to NEVER capitalize the "c" in church), from birth until I finally started to pull away in my early 20s.
I can relate to so many of your stories, and it feels wonderful to find a community of people who knows what it's like to grow up in the "one true church" and finally gain the clarity to leave it behind.
Of course, I grew up being taught that going to the COC was the only path to heaven, everyone else was going to hell, etc, and, as I'm sure was the intention, it terrified me. Even though I loathed going to church (I know, I know, the church is the people, not the building) three times a week, I felt like it would be a lifetime requirement, unless I wanted to spend eternity suffering and being tormented. I figured it would just be something for me to get through multiple times a week, in order to get my "reward," even though an eternity of one long, never ending church service didn't sound like a great prize to me.
In my early 20s, I met my now husband, who had grown up completely free of religion. Imagine my surprise to find out that he wasn't a terrible, immoral sinner who was looking to pull me away from "the truth." He has morals! He does the right thing! He cares about others! Not because the good book commands it, not out of obligation, or fear of hell, but because he (shock!) wants to.
As insane as it sounds, even though I had interacted with non-Christians throughout school (but not college - hi fellow Florida College alums!) and work, meeting him was the first time I realized that you didn't have to be a member of the church to be a good person, and it felt so freeing.
I slowly started going less and less about 7 years ago, and I've never felt better or like the most true version of myself. Unfortunately, my parents are still hardcore believers, and even as a grown woman, I feel like I have to hide it from them that I no longer attend/believe. I think they may suspect, but we've kind of got a "don't ask, don't tell" thing going on, which is helped by the fact that I live just far enough away from them to not be expected to go to their congregation. The fact that they may not want to have a relationship with me because of it is what keeps me silent, which I think is incredibly sad. In a lot of ways, I feel like they'll never fully know the real me.
Like many of you, I feel like the church has scarred me in ways - the eternal feeling of guilt, low self esteem, catching myself being super judgey about some things, before remembering that I don't believe any of it anymore. It's exhausting and I've come to believe that's it's a terrible way to raise children.
Also, as a result, I'm completely turned off the idea of religion and have no interest in pursuing it. I'm not totally sure what I believe, but I've also realized I don't care much in figuring it out. I'm just enjoying the freedom and I've learned to love Sundays and Wednesdays again, although there's always a bit of a pit in my stomach on both days, until I remember that I no longer have any religious obligations. What a beautiful feeling.
Sorry for this novel! I guess I have more feelings on this than I even realized. Looking forward to talking to you all in more depth and learning more of your stories.
I can relate to so many of your stories, and it feels wonderful to find a community of people who knows what it's like to grow up in the "one true church" and finally gain the clarity to leave it behind.
Of course, I grew up being taught that going to the COC was the only path to heaven, everyone else was going to hell, etc, and, as I'm sure was the intention, it terrified me. Even though I loathed going to church (I know, I know, the church is the people, not the building) three times a week, I felt like it would be a lifetime requirement, unless I wanted to spend eternity suffering and being tormented. I figured it would just be something for me to get through multiple times a week, in order to get my "reward," even though an eternity of one long, never ending church service didn't sound like a great prize to me.
In my early 20s, I met my now husband, who had grown up completely free of religion. Imagine my surprise to find out that he wasn't a terrible, immoral sinner who was looking to pull me away from "the truth." He has morals! He does the right thing! He cares about others! Not because the good book commands it, not out of obligation, or fear of hell, but because he (shock!) wants to.
As insane as it sounds, even though I had interacted with non-Christians throughout school (but not college - hi fellow Florida College alums!) and work, meeting him was the first time I realized that you didn't have to be a member of the church to be a good person, and it felt so freeing.
I slowly started going less and less about 7 years ago, and I've never felt better or like the most true version of myself. Unfortunately, my parents are still hardcore believers, and even as a grown woman, I feel like I have to hide it from them that I no longer attend/believe. I think they may suspect, but we've kind of got a "don't ask, don't tell" thing going on, which is helped by the fact that I live just far enough away from them to not be expected to go to their congregation. The fact that they may not want to have a relationship with me because of it is what keeps me silent, which I think is incredibly sad. In a lot of ways, I feel like they'll never fully know the real me.
Like many of you, I feel like the church has scarred me in ways - the eternal feeling of guilt, low self esteem, catching myself being super judgey about some things, before remembering that I don't believe any of it anymore. It's exhausting and I've come to believe that's it's a terrible way to raise children.
Also, as a result, I'm completely turned off the idea of religion and have no interest in pursuing it. I'm not totally sure what I believe, but I've also realized I don't care much in figuring it out. I'm just enjoying the freedom and I've learned to love Sundays and Wednesdays again, although there's always a bit of a pit in my stomach on both days, until I remember that I no longer have any religious obligations. What a beautiful feeling.
Sorry for this novel! I guess I have more feelings on this than I even realized. Looking forward to talking to you all in more depth and learning more of your stories.
