Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

I was a member on the forum years ago. After a few years in the Wesleyan church, and then church hopping for about 3 years, we settled in a church with CofC roots but without the baggage. We have a praise band and lots of grace-filled teaching! Love it. BUT, just when I think I've healed from the past it smacks me in the face again. We visited a little CofC with my in laws because we were on vacation together. I didn't want to, because of course it had to be the "right" church. It was horrible...after shaking my head "no" several times, I walked out in the middle of the sermon. I cannot get it out of my head. The whole experience is haunting me. I especially can't understand how people I love think it is wonderful. It is disappointing and I wonder if I should pursue a conversation with my in laws. They know I walked out because of the things being taught. Most of our family is traditional Church of Christ.

Grace1989 wrote:I was a member on the forum years ago. After a few years in the Wesleyan church, and then church hopping for about 3 years, we settled in a church with CofC roots but without the baggage. We have a praise band and lots of grace-filled teaching! Love it. BUT, just when I think I've healed from the past it smacks me in the face again. We visited a little CofC with my in laws because we were on vacation together. I didn't want to, because of course it had to be the "right" church. It was horrible...after shaking my head "no" several times, I walked out in the middle of the sermon. I cannot get it out of my head. The whole experience is haunting me. I especially can't understand how people I love think it is wonderful. It is disappointing and I wonder if I should pursue a conversation with my in laws. They know I walked out because of the things being taught. Most of our family is traditional Church of Christ.

Family remaining in the church is a problem once you are free from the legalism. Glad you found a group without the baggage. Do look in other churches for there are many good ones with loving people. I found it harder to get the Church of Christ legalism out of my mind than to physically leave the church. There are a lot of hooks to get over. It can take many years. Good luck.

Well, my first advice, is try not to visit on a weekend!

More seriously - what do you owe your relatives? This is a very personal question, but it is pertinent.

Do you owe them your life and soul?
Do you owe them an explanation?
Do you owe them basic courtesy?
Do you owe them (for whatever reason) a sermon on why THEY ought to leave their church?

Basic courtesy - I would think - at a minimum: simply say that you didn't agree with some of the teachings and needed to leave. Period. Don't follow up with what and why.

If you think you owe them an explanation, then you could expand on what teachings and why - but you are not obliged to persuade them that THEY ought to have the same opinions.

My usual advice with family is to never ever try to engage them is a dispute about doctrines. And when they try, deflect, deflect, deflect. Change the subject - as often as necessary. Leave - if necessary.

The c of c is like the Hotel California, you can check out but you can never leave. They seem to set up residence in your mind & never leave.

The only time I've been in a c of c since leaving in 2005 is to vote. Yeah, that is where we have to vote. I look at the floor while I'm in line to vote & I take a shower as soon as I get home.

Welcome back.

Welcome back!

Welcome back, Grace!!

Welcome back. This happens to me within an hour of pretty much every visit I have with my family. It has made it where I really don't want to see them, which creates a whole other emotional battle for myself full of depression, guilt and confusion. Hopefully you will find help and comfort here.