Newbie
Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2017 2:17 pm
Hello,
I was an ICoC member from 1993 to 2003. I haven't been on a site like this in a long time, but lately, 14 years after fleeing the insanity, the trauma has come back to haunt me. Recent events in my life have triggered memories that I thought were behind me. But it turns out I still carry a lot of pain and anger over the whole ordeal. In truth I wish I could have Kip thrown into prison for the rest of his life, for all the damage he has caused to so many thousands of other lives.
I had been seeing a counselor for PTSD, but we had suspended our visits because I was doing well enough that it wasn't necessary to meet on a regular basis. I'm not sure I even told her about the ICoC - it was a long time ago and I thought I was over it. But last weekend I cried about the experience for the first time since leaving the "church". This week I called my counselor and made an appointment. Then I went online and found this forum.
Among the highlights of my 10-year odyssey, I was subjected to one lecture after another about my migraine headaches, which were considered some sort of spiritual weakness on my part. I was even told, "Sickness is sin." During one of my more memorable "discipling" sessions on the subject, an intern told me to turn to John 5, which I knew was the story of the paralytic at the pool. This passage had been read to me countless times by then and I was totally exasperated. I put down my Bible and said, "You think I don't want to get well?" She became patronizing and started with that "Now, sister -" crap, and I just snapped. I told her she had no clue what she was talking about, nor did anyone else who thought I had faith issues because of my illness. What I had was an incredibly hectic lifestyle that was exacerbating my condition. A neurological disorder is something to be taken seriously - it is NOT "just a headache", as I was told more than once. It's pretty scary now to think I had such ignorant people trying to run my life.
My "Kingdom" marriage was a disaster also. My husband, whose supposed ambition was to become a minister, was actually an abusive child molester. When he treated me badly, I would usually be asked what MY sin was in the situation. It was just automatically assumed that I must have done something wrong in order to be wronged by my spouse. When I saw inappropriate behavior between him and his daughter (by a previous marriage) and expressed my concern to the leaders, they ignored me. I learned that he had molested at least one family member in the past, and the staff were aware of this. And yet they basically wrote me off as a drama queen when I became afraid for his daughter's safety.
When my spiritual mentors would not help me, I made an anonymous report to authorities, which would be helpful a few years later. I was divorced in 2002 and left the ICoC the following year. In 2005 my ex-husband was convicted on two counts of child sexual assault, for molesting his daughter and one of her friends. He spent eight years in the state penitentiary. I wrote a letter to the elders about the real seriousness of the situation that the leaders had chosen to disregard. One of them wrote me a very apologetic letter in return, but he was not one of the people who owed me an apology. I never heard from any of those fine folks, who knowingly enabled a child molester.
I have other horror stories as well, like everyone else - unrealistic demands on my time and finances, "disciplers" breathing down my neck constantly, heinous living situations as a single, etc. I remember being given "advice" about the most ridiculous things - hair, makeup, jewelry, being "sharp", and on and on and on. It was all so superficial. But when I wanted to discuss something of a spiritual nature, I would get pat answers like, "Just pray about it." (You think?)
So this is a really, really short version of how the ICoC made a huge mess of my life. I'm just coming to realize that it made a bigger mess out of me than I thought, which is how I've arrived at this point, spilling my guts on this forum. I've said many times that I won't envy people like Kip when they meet their Maker. But I don't think I'll feel sorry for them either.
I was an ICoC member from 1993 to 2003. I haven't been on a site like this in a long time, but lately, 14 years after fleeing the insanity, the trauma has come back to haunt me. Recent events in my life have triggered memories that I thought were behind me. But it turns out I still carry a lot of pain and anger over the whole ordeal. In truth I wish I could have Kip thrown into prison for the rest of his life, for all the damage he has caused to so many thousands of other lives.
I had been seeing a counselor for PTSD, but we had suspended our visits because I was doing well enough that it wasn't necessary to meet on a regular basis. I'm not sure I even told her about the ICoC - it was a long time ago and I thought I was over it. But last weekend I cried about the experience for the first time since leaving the "church". This week I called my counselor and made an appointment. Then I went online and found this forum.
Among the highlights of my 10-year odyssey, I was subjected to one lecture after another about my migraine headaches, which were considered some sort of spiritual weakness on my part. I was even told, "Sickness is sin." During one of my more memorable "discipling" sessions on the subject, an intern told me to turn to John 5, which I knew was the story of the paralytic at the pool. This passage had been read to me countless times by then and I was totally exasperated. I put down my Bible and said, "You think I don't want to get well?" She became patronizing and started with that "Now, sister -" crap, and I just snapped. I told her she had no clue what she was talking about, nor did anyone else who thought I had faith issues because of my illness. What I had was an incredibly hectic lifestyle that was exacerbating my condition. A neurological disorder is something to be taken seriously - it is NOT "just a headache", as I was told more than once. It's pretty scary now to think I had such ignorant people trying to run my life.
My "Kingdom" marriage was a disaster also. My husband, whose supposed ambition was to become a minister, was actually an abusive child molester. When he treated me badly, I would usually be asked what MY sin was in the situation. It was just automatically assumed that I must have done something wrong in order to be wronged by my spouse. When I saw inappropriate behavior between him and his daughter (by a previous marriage) and expressed my concern to the leaders, they ignored me. I learned that he had molested at least one family member in the past, and the staff were aware of this. And yet they basically wrote me off as a drama queen when I became afraid for his daughter's safety.
When my spiritual mentors would not help me, I made an anonymous report to authorities, which would be helpful a few years later. I was divorced in 2002 and left the ICoC the following year. In 2005 my ex-husband was convicted on two counts of child sexual assault, for molesting his daughter and one of her friends. He spent eight years in the state penitentiary. I wrote a letter to the elders about the real seriousness of the situation that the leaders had chosen to disregard. One of them wrote me a very apologetic letter in return, but he was not one of the people who owed me an apology. I never heard from any of those fine folks, who knowingly enabled a child molester.
I have other horror stories as well, like everyone else - unrealistic demands on my time and finances, "disciplers" breathing down my neck constantly, heinous living situations as a single, etc. I remember being given "advice" about the most ridiculous things - hair, makeup, jewelry, being "sharp", and on and on and on. It was all so superficial. But when I wanted to discuss something of a spiritual nature, I would get pat answers like, "Just pray about it." (You think?)
So this is a really, really short version of how the ICoC made a huge mess of my life. I'm just coming to realize that it made a bigger mess out of me than I thought, which is how I've arrived at this point, spilling my guts on this forum. I've said many times that I won't envy people like Kip when they meet their Maker. But I don't think I'll feel sorry for them either.
