Struggling
Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2015 3:02 pm
I can't believe I'm doing this. I grew up in the church of Christ and went to a CoC university. I then went to graduate school in the sciences in another state. I've struggled with the CoC since I left college, but mainly for weak sermons, and not on some of the true hardline beliefs (baptism, etc). 7 years passed since college and I am now married to my wife for 6 months. She did not grow up in the CoC. It was a topic of great discussion in our dating and even our engagement, because she did not like the CoC for many reasons. She saw the "self-righteous" attitudes. She saw the exclusivity. She also saw how much it tore me up at the thought of leaving, so much that I almost called off the relationship a week before our wedding date. She has never seen "Christianity" do that do someone, and now that we've been married for 6 months, doesn't want to be a part of it. We go to a CoC on Sunday morning, and another church on Sunday evening (of the reformed tradition). We continue to argue over going to the CoC. She doesn't have a problem with it, but she thinks its crazy that I don't want to go anywhere else. I am so conflicted, because I see other points so clearly! Infant baptism I get it (to a point). Her church is a liturgical church with women that lead prayer, scripture, and communion regularly, and its beautiful, but I have so much CoC thought in me I don't know where to turn. I can't get away from the thinking of "they're wrong and here is book chapter verse to prove." She is really pushing to leave, but where do I go? Do I become a "reformed Christian" like Anglicans, Presbyterians, etc, and submit to infant baptism and in the cases of Anglicans "the bishop." Do I change to a baptist church and submit that the baptismal waters do not save you but are "an example and sign of faith." Do I disregard either views of historical Christianity and turn and find a non-denominational community church that has few "rules," but "a lotta love." I have no idea where to turn, except back to CoC since it lines up with my belief structure. But my wife can't hardly stomach it, because she sees through the muck that all of the rest of us struggle with. And I hate what this is doing to us, because of me focusing on deepening my faith and spiritual formation, I'm focusing on hardline beliefs that are tearing my home down.