Shunned and ostracized in GA

[K&Cmom]

Wow....I never knew there was support for being ex communicated from a church. I have a long story, but I will try and give a cliffs notes version. I was married to a man from age 22 to 35 (13 years). He was raised in the COC. I was raised in a non denominational church with instrumental music (rock band basically). So I tried to conform to his church, because there really wasn't another option. We moved from CA to GA after he got out of the military. His parents were the only people here in GA since he was an only child, and my family was back in CA. From the beginning, this is was never a discussion. It was always implied this is where we will go to church and raise our family. I did not go into this church believing everything, I always asked questions and never took anything for face value. The church is very good at having answers for everything, and scriptures to back up whatever they say is right. Over the years, we had 2 daughters and continued being very active in the church. My ex husband always lived a double life... he would drink on the weekends, party with friends, was into deviant sexual things and made sure we were always at church every sunday morning and evening and every Wednesday. We we didn't go, his parents would always question us, or the elders wives would be calling asking why we weren't there. I hate this, I always felt like I was under a microscope. It was no ones damn business why I wasn't there. His parents never knew he was a drinker, or was into the deviant things. He always was out to please is misogynistic perverted father. Fast forward to 2015 and we separated in May of that year. This was because my ex got us into the swinging lifestyle that we lived for 10 months. I realized after going down this path that he was the not the man I knew or wanted to be with, and that I was not in love with him and could no longer stay in the marriage. The church never intervened, or questioned us as to why we were splitting. I left the church, and he moved back to the COC where his parents went (our previous church). They immediately and publically ex communicated me while my children were present during a service. I obviously was not there, but my daughters told me. At the time of the divorce they were 10 and 5. Come to find out, he started dating another woman a month after I moved out who was a fellow member of the church. I knew her very well, and was no shocked. I personally think it was arranged by his father. Anyways, Sept of 2015 we went to mediation and were legally separated at this point. He was publically dating her after this mediation, and when his actions were called into question by the elders because a close friend went to the elders explaining that he was not divorced yet, he had his lawyer call and lie to them about us being officially divorced. Our divorce was finalized Nov 10, 2015, and the paperwork was sent to the elders as proof, and of course nothing happened because his parents had status and a good reputation....God forbid the "Smiths" be liars. So then in May of 2016 (6 months post divorce) he marries this woman IN THE CHURCH!!! These people are so hypocritical and choose to turn a blind eye with the people they want too. So since the divorce my ex has done a 180 and is now living in this fake perception of the "perfect family and husband" and even teaches devotionals at the church...he even baptized our now 13 year old daughter! Its makes me sick how the church has turned their back on me, yet they condone his lies and behavior and choose to not see the truth when its put in front of them. To make matters worse, he took me for custody of our kids in 2017 all over me moving 6 miles out of their school district and won....won with financial help from the CHURCH!!!!! I will never step foot in this hypocritical, cult of a church again. They helped steal my children from me, and continue with their manipulation and cult like teachings. I will be getting my kids back next year when my oldest turns 14 and wants to elect to move back, and when I do I will do what I have too to keep my kids from that influence and pray they see the truth of this cult one day.

[Chachi]

wow, glad you are here and sorry to hear your story. How is it that this is always shocking no matter how many times this sort of thing happens?

[K&Cmom]

I don't know...its sad. I just hope my kids see there are different options.

[Chachi]

I worried a lot about how my having it out with the church and withdrawal would effect my kids too. They lost friends, that is all they knew. It hurt them to lose friends and it hurt them to see me so upset. And they had to try and comprehend adults,elders, preachers, and family being nasty to their father and their father being pretty upset and mean right back on occasion.

It always seemed that the effect on kids was the least of the worries of people at my old church and family as to how it would effect my children. I mean it seemed if anything they wanted to "heap coals" on my kids heads too. And I worried how much to say and hated to think about how my adult anger and need to vent could not be understood by a child as just some needed venting and that they would take it to heart and repeat it later in their lives. Of course they had no choice in any of it and I spent years worrying about the choice I was making for them.

Sorry to make this about me...it is not. Your story just touched some of my memories.

[teresa]

Welcome to the board. Very sorry you have suffered so much.

[Moogy]

Welcome to the board. I am so grateful that I left the COC before having any children.

I hope you can get your kids back soon. You have good visitation rights, I hope?

[Tsathoggua]

Wow, that's awful! So sorry that this has happened to you. Welcome to the board!