Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

So I was a kingdom kid, born and raised in the church. I got baptized at 17 and went to become a leader of the campus group. That’s when the responsibilities just piled on and on and struggling with depression while trying to be perfect enough for the church drove me to a mental hospital. I felt like I wasn’t good enough and I always felt guilty for every tiny fault.

Only now two years after I left am I realizing how toxic the church was. I always thought it was my fault for leaving and I’m certainly going to hell for stepping away. But I found this forum and some articles online about the cult activities shared in the CoC and I now realize how traumatized I am. I grew up never feeling worthy of gods love, always questioning my salvation and questioning myself. My Sector was always obsessed with being “Christ like” and perfection was aimed for in everything we did.

I’m glad to be able to be out. The hardest part is loosing childhood friends whom I grew up with. I ended up in rehab after the mental hospital and I felt so lonely because only two members reached out to me and they were my best friends (still are) but it’s hard feeling like the church that you put your heart and soul into no longer cares about you and shuns you. Still healing, still trying to figure life out especially since my way of living has now been squashed and I have to start from scratch at 24.

Ex,

That is one of the most moving things I have ever read. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that! But you are only 24, you have a great, new life ahead. I would simply tell you that for many decades, the CofC has been known to cause significant mental dysfunction in many of its members. I personally came to the conclusion after many, many years of being gone from the CofC that their primary corruption of the gospel is to perpetrate this notion that you must be perfect as the Son of God was perfect. It rejects the notion of any need for a Savior. It is precisely why we need a Savior, that is because, it is impossible to live a sinless life, and that is not the goal. The goal is to live in Him in spite of our sinfulness. CofC people are no better off than anyone else on the face of this earth in the sense that they are "more righteous" than everyone else.

The CofC lifts up one's own righteousness when one's self-righteousness has to be laid down, dispensed with, and replaced with faith/trust in the perfect righteousness of a third party, i.e., a Savior, that is, it is a notion that the perfect life has already been lived and therefore accomplished for us on our behalf. Furthermore, the CofC obsesses itself with sin, refusing to see the other side of the coin, that being self-righeousness. Which is worse? If you look at Jesus' interaction with the Pharisees, it would appear to me anyway that self-righteousness is paramount.

Finally, the CofC does not deal with one's attitude, i.e., the "heart" of man. Only one's behavior. Plus, it does not believe in any power of the Holy Spirit today. So, really one is left stranded by the CofC, there is no real rescue preached by them. In fact the concept of faith has been so complicated (actually, perverted) by them, it has been robbed of any of its real meaning or power. I am very glad you are out on your own and can search on your own. And from what you said in your completely transparent post, I already consider you to be a friend. And I will be praying for you. Stick in there!

Excocmember96 wrote:So I was a kingdom kid, born and raised in the church. I got baptized at 17 and went to become a leader of the campus group. That’s when the responsibilities just piled on and on and struggling with depression while trying to be perfect enough for the church drove me to a mental hospital. I felt like I wasn’t good enough and I always felt guilty for every tiny fault.

Only now two years after I left am I realizing how toxic the church was. I always thought it was my fault for leaving and I’m certainly going to hell for stepping away. But I found this forum and some articles online about the cult activities shared in the CoC and I now realize how traumatized I am. I grew up never feeling worthy of gods love, always questioning my salvation and questioning myself. My Sector was always obsessed with being “Christ like” and perfection was aimed for in everything we did.

I’m glad to be able to be out. The hardest part is loosing childhood friends whom I grew up with. I ended up in rehab after the mental hospital and I felt so lonely because only two members reached out to me and they were my best friends (still are) but it’s hard feeling like the church that you put your heart and soul into no longer cares about you and shuns you. Still healing, still trying to figure life out especially since my way of living has now been squashed and I have to start from scratch at 24.

Thank you Sola for the great input. Ex, ask Jesus to help you learn. If he sends the Holy Spirit you will get help. You are squashed but still alive. While in that state there is hope. The only way is up from here. The guilt is horrible. No one is good enough on their own. You are judged by Jesus. You either believe he is messiah and King or you are judged under the law. He boiled the law down to two commandments.

Matthew 22 kjv
36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first and great commandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

It's simple and difficult. Find comfort here.

The Pharasees were looking for rules and regulations that was their nature. He did not give much they could say was wrong. He gave concepts that apply everywhere. The application of concepts are infinite in rules. He blew them away. The CoC applies rules. Jesus applys concepts. Forget rules. Once you have concepts the number of rules is infinte.

Hi and welcome to the Board.
I've been 'out' for decades, and I seem to have missed some changes - what is a 'Sector'? what are 'regions'?
Those were not words I ever heard in the CoC, back in the distant past when I was young.

Please feel totally free to read any and all available 'threads' (discussions) and if you find an old one that interests you, go ahead and post a reply and resurrect that thread for everyone!

Explore. Learn more. You are okay just as you are.

agricola wrote:Hi and welcome to the Board.
I've been 'out' for decades, and I seem to have missed some changes - what is a 'Sector'? what are 'regions'?
Those were not words I ever heard in the CoC, back in the distant past when I was young.

Please feel totally free to read any and all available 'threads' (discussions) and if you find an old one that interests you, go ahead and post a reply and resurrect that thread for everyone!

Explore. Learn more. You are okay just as you are.

Not familiar with those words / phrases either!! Also what is a "kingdom kid".

Very glad you're here!! I'm from NICOC background (non institutional church of christ): the "anties". They're anti eating in the church building, anti church support for orphanages; anti you name it....they're ag'in' it.

Hi ExCocmember96

Welcome to the board. Were you raised in the Boston CoC or ICC movement, perhaps?

Ivy wrote:

agricola wrote:Hi and welcome to the Board.
I've been 'out' for decades, and I seem to have missed some changes - what is a 'Sector'? what are 'regions'?
Those were not words I ever heard in the CoC, back in the distant past when I was young.

Please feel totally free to read any and all available 'threads' (discussions) and if you find an old one that interests you, go ahead and post a reply and resurrect that thread for everyone!

Explore. Learn more. You are okay just as you are.

Not familiar with those words / phrases either!! Also what is a "kingdom kid".

Very glad you're here!! I'm from NICOC background (non institutional church of christ): the "anties". They're anti eating in the church building, anti church support for orphanages; anti you name it....they're ag'in' it.

We had multiple regions. Basically just different locations is all I mean, there is a north and a south just for two different areas of our state. (sector to me is the same as regions I’m not even sure that’s just the word we were taught to use) kingdom kid just means I was born and raised in the church.

teresa wrote:Hi ExCocmember96

Welcome to the board. Were you raised in the Boston CoC or ICC movement, perhaps?

I was raised in the ICOC I don’t feel comfortable saying where because most of my (old) friends and family attend still and I’d rather stay anonymous.

Excocmember96 wrote:

teresa wrote:Hi ExCocmember96

Welcome to the board. Were you raised in the Boston CoC or ICC movement, perhaps?

I was raised in the ICOC I don’t feel comfortable saying where because most of my (old) friends and family attend still and I’d rather stay anonymous.

That's ok; we definitely don't want you to "out" yourself in any way. We usually ask about that (possible ICOC background) because there are some groups totally dedicated to ex-ICOC people. This one tends to focus more on what we call the "NICOC" (non-institutional church of christ). So...you are always welcome here, but there may also be groups more specific to what you've been through with the ICC. That's likely why we weren't familiar with some of the terms you were using.

I wonder if one could say that the ICOC is sort of the NICOC on steroids!!

Ivy wrote:

Excocmember96 wrote:

teresa wrote:Hi ExCocmember96

Welcome to the board. Were you raised in the Boston CoC or ICC movement, perhaps?

I was raised in the ICOC I don’t feel comfortable saying where because most of my (old) friends and family attend still and I’d rather stay anonymous.

That's ok; we definitely don't want you to "out" yourself in any way. We usually ask about that (possible ICOC background) because there are some groups totally dedicated to ex-ICOC people. This one tends to focus more on what we call the "NICOC" (non-institutional church of christ). So...you are always welcome here, but there may also be groups more specific to what you've been through with the ICC. That's likely why we weren't familiar with some of the terms you were using.

I wonder if one could say that the ICOC is sort of the NICOC on steroids!!

Oh thank you!! I had no idea actually! I thought CoC was an umbrella term for icoc and icc, do you have a link for the icoc groups, I appreciate you letting me know! Everyone here has been so kind and helpful I really appreciate it