Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

I thought I had finally made a break for it. I had prayed and studied and found a home at the catholic church. I was feeling so at peace, then my mother found out! I am an educated, middle age woman, so only someone raised in the coc could be made to feel such grief and shame. She yelled and brought up how displeased my late father would be, and what is she going to tell people. She said when her friends talk about how good their children are doing, she says her's don't atend "the church" but they wouldnt go anywhere else. I thought that was the saddest thing I have ever heard.

Really sad. Also frustrating for you, I imagine.

Sad for her. And revealing, since she is more concerned about "what she is going to tell people" than most anything else. Very, very typical CofC obsession with "what will people think?"

Look, you have done the right thing and should not feel one iota of guilt whatsoever for making the break. If you are happy and comfortable with the Catholic Church, good for you. I hope you enjoy that church and get as much good and comfort and contentment and happiness there as is possible for you to get.

As for your father, he is beyond caring about what choice you made in church attendance. Either there is an afterlife, in which case he knows better than what he learned in the Church of Christ, or there is not, in which case he lives still only in your memory. I urge you in the strongest terms to continue down your own path, the one that means the most happiness for your own future, and do not allow unreasonable, relentless guilt and carping from your mother or any other family member to drag you back into the joyless, judgmental, mean-spirited, hyper-legalistic nonsense that is the Church of Christ.

Stay the course, getoutnow!! You're doing great. The only control method they
know is the guilt trip your mom is trying to use. Fear not, and stay the course!!

Glad that you are here. Don't ever give up.

Sorry to hear it, unfortunately the church of Christ loves shaming a person into staying or returning. When you need support or to vent, just drop in. Welcome

getoutnow wrote: She said when her friends talk about how good their children are doing, she says her's don't atend "the church" but they wouldnt go anywhere else. I thought that was the saddest thing I have ever heard.

The saddest thing about the CoC is that they see no value in their family members attending " another church". How wonderful that you found a church where you have peace.

Stay the course. You have to do what you think is right.

getoutnow wrote:I thought I had finally made a break for it. I had prayed and studied and found a home at the catholic church. I was feeling so at peace, then my mother found out! I am an educated, middle age woman, so only someone raised in the coc could be made to feel such grief and shame. She yelled and brought up how displeased my late father would be, and what is she going to tell people. She said when her friends talk about how good their children are doing, she says her's don't atend "the church" but they wouldnt go anywhere else. I thought that was the saddest thing I have ever heard.

That is a truly reprehensible guilt trip, and your mom knows it. It's unfair and likely untrue.

I echo what NeverAgain said about your father. If there is an afterlife, then your father knows you are fine, and if not--well, it doesn't matter, then, does it?

As for what your mother tells people--she can tell them whatever she bloody well likes. Is it your responsibility to care for those in her social circle? You're not to blame for any poorly-placed blame that she might want to assign. She chose to live in that illogical, irrational world where it matters one fat rat's ass what other people think of you and your children.

You can only own you, not her.

Echoing others. Don't let your mother or anyone shame or guilt you into attending any church. By telling you what she tells others about you, she's attempting to manipulate you. Don't fall for it. (Not saying she's evil; I think this kind of guilt-trip just becomes second-nature to the majority of CoC people, so she probably doesn't even know exactly why she's doing it.)

Have patience. Good for you for finding peace. Stick with it.

only someone raised in the coc could be made to feel such grief and shame.

Not completely true. While we're exposed to this, sure, it's not specific just to us. Don't let this guilt isolate you. Isolation is dangerous.

Your mother can tell people whatever she likes. The only thing you can change is your reaction to her.

And again, nothing happens overnight. It takes time. It took years for my family to come to terms with my leaving the CoC. Carry on with what makes you happy. She'll either come around or not. Preferably the former, but keep going to your Catholic church and see if you can find anchors there to help you deal with the guilt trip.