Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

I have been reading this support board for a couple years and finally took the plunge and became a member. It is comforting to know there are people who understand. I was raised as a Southern Baptist but my husband was raised in the coc. We have been married 37 years. I was young and impressionable and also didn't want to go to separate churches..so with MY encouragement we were "baptized" into the coc after the birth of our first daughter. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. It has negatively impacted me...and my daughters in so many ways. Through reading this forum and blog, (Reviving the Antient Faith was a big eye opener) and talking with others, I was able to explain to my husband the damage this has done. When I finally had the courage to approach him about my beliefs it was not pretty. He was pretty much a bully about it. He was so blinded. I sought counseling and was instructed on how to approach him. Through many tearful discussions he finally started looking at things with an open mind. He no longer believes that you "have to be a member of the coc" to go to heaven, but will only worship in the coc. We left a very conservative congregation 2+ years ago. We first started driving out of town to a large "liberal" congregation where he didn't feel comfortable. Someone recommended another out of town congregation was was progressive but had a traditional feel. He liked that but we have ended up back in town at a smaller congregation that is hardline. (We live in a middle TN county that is extremely hardline, conservative, we're right-you're wrong get over it) I attend with him on Sunday am but he goes by himself on Sunday night and Wednesday. Right now I am spiritually broken. I don't want to give up but do not see a good solution. I don't see him attending anywhere there is not a coc on the sign, especially while his mother is still alive. If I insisted on going somewhere else without him, the strain on our marriage would be more than I can handle right now with the multitude of other stressors I have. So..I just go along to get along but I am dying inside.

Welcome to the group. I know the feeling of having to go to church and feeling like you are dying inside. I did that for many years. Fortunately, my husband began to question the CofC and became open to going somewhere else. Hope things will improve for you in the future.

That's rough. I understand the feeling that 'the family' ought to be on one page about their faith, but I also know any number of successful marriages where mom goes one place, and dad goes elsewhere (or nowhere). If counseling is helping, perhaps you could continue, with or without your husband. It is okay to tell the children that 'mom and dad disagree on some of the details but we agree on the main points' or some such thing to reassure them. I hope you can find a place the suits both of you. I hope it doesn't take a very long period of time to find that place.

Welcome to the ex board.

I sincerely hope that your home situation gets better and less stressful. When you take a close look at the CoC and the Southern Baptist Church it appears to me that they have many, many more things in common than they have differences. However due to the huge amount of human pride and ego involved I would not be holding my breath waiting for anyone in the CoC to ever admit to that fact. Many in the CoC are also ignorant of the fact that after leaving the Presbyterian Church, Alexander Campbell was a Baptist preacher for several years. It's interesting that on his death bed in 1866, Alexander Campbell is reported to have said "I have always regretted that the Baptists and we had to part, it ought not to have been so."

I don't see him attending anywhere there is not a coc on the sign, especially while his mother is still alive.

Many of us have been there......many are fearful of "disappointing"
a controlling parent who is a bully related to the cofc dogma.

Welcome!! I hope that reading some of our stories will help you to know you're
not alone, and that there is LIFE after leaving the cofc. We are all living proof.

Glad that you are with us.

Welcome and glad to hear from you. I know this is very heard when both spouses are not on the same page with these factors of CofC and after so many years. I wish you well. Maybe you can find a place to go on occasion that has early service and is uplifting to you, then join him and keep the peace and go to lunch. I know it puts a burden on you and consumes more time, just offering it as an idea for how to get something that is not deadening and still keep things as low stress as possible.

Welcome to the forum! How fortunate you were to find a helpful counselor! We are here to support you.

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome, encouragement and good ideas. Just to clarify, children are grown (35 and 31) and have been on their own for a long time but still have serious issues related to being brought up in the coc. I have some serious guilt about that. Other than the church issue, I have a great relationship with my husband. He is a wonderful man who was brainwashed since birth but is beginning to "see the light." That is why I am trying to be patient. It is like trying to deprogram after being in a cult. I look forward to joining in on other discussions here! I have lots to say and "get off my chest."

Welcome to our corner of the world! Look forward to hearing more of your story.