Hi, I'm.....Cynical

[Aysh2003]

Hi. I am new to this forum. My reason for joining this site is to have a safe place to tell what it was like for me, growing up Southern c-of-C, in the 70's and 80's, then living as a preachers wife for 17 years and finally leaving the c-of-C officially 11 years ago. After my divorce. Yeah, it's that kind of story.

I am looking for hope and healing.

My spiritual abuse was pretty severe and it's consequences have been far reaching.

My first conscious idea about god was connected to the "Hell fire" picture from the old Jule Miller filmstrips. The church was using those on Wednesday night for teaching or training or scaring small children.

So here I am looking for connection with other survivors and validation that it really was that bad and for some hope that one day I will have an authentic friendship with a Power greater than myself that isn't a spiritual or emotional terrorist.

Thanks,
I'm Cynical

[zeek]

.

[lvmaus]

Welcome! Most of us have experienced some really ridiculous unchristian behavior while in these churches ... you're certainly not alone here.

[Porcupine]

welcome

[ena]

So here I am looking for connection with other survivors and validation that it really was that bad and for some hope that one day I will have an authentic friendship with a Power greater than myself that isn't a spiritual or emotional terrorist.
I'm Cynical

God is not a terrorist. The problem is that you have heard only only part of the story. The part that gets left out is the concept of grace. There is much in the New Testament telling you that you cannot do it on your own and indeed none of us are perfect. The goal is to strive for perfection but not that you can really reach it. In other words is that our best is not good enough. The CoC seizes this and doesn't finish the story after all you've sinned and are destined for Hell. That story is for non Christians. However for Christians God attributes the work of Jesus to us as well. It is in the midst of this mess that the CoC looses track of the Lord. It's there if you know to seek it out. Things need to be taken in contest.

[bnot]

Glad you're here.

[AtPeace]

Hi Cynical....you're in a good place, both here and within yourself. You're voicing your anger, you're voicing the insanity you were taught, and you're open to learning and redefining your definition of what "God" is.

Yes, there is hope. Plenty of it. You WILL find your way.

[ena]

Here is a quote that describes grace. The CoC wants to focus on baptism here but Paul is using it to describe the Christian relationship to God. See how the obfuscation works. It is interesting once the CoC blinders come off.

Romans 6:1-10 (KJV) What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? 2 God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? 3 Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? 4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. 5 For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: 6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. 7 For he that is dead is freed from sin. 8 Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him: 9 Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him. 10 For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God.
Romans 6:1-10 (KJV)

Notice: ""Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?" Is Paul talking about just baptism? No he talking about grace. The problem was that some were sinning more because their sins were covered. That is disrespecting Jesus. You sins can be covered but you should not desire to sin more. That is the point. Otherwise his statement does not make sense. Should you live fear and guilt once you have freed from it.

[Aysh2003]

Thanks for the welcoming comments.

The LAST thing I need right now is to have scripture quoted to me.

I've been attending PCA churches for 10 years now. There is much emphasis on grace. Intellectually, it is a concept that I understand.

I have been trauma-bonded to toxic religious ideas for so long, and have not seen until recently how I keep replicating my early experiences of betrayal. I am in the process of detaching from triggering events, people, and places.

I am here because I need to be heard.

[KLP]

Welcome. And wasn't it awesome to get to advance the film strip at the tone on the record? Of course having that authority may have been just something allowed to us males. LOL I am glad you have found to the PCA to be grace filled, look forward to hearing more of your story.