Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Hi all! I'm new to this forum, but am happy that it exists. I left the CoC a little over five years ago, but spent the first 22 years of my life in and around it. Since leaving i've gone through the entire spectrum of emotions (ie: depressed, worried for my soul, relieved, angry etc.) and some days thing I have things better under control than others. I got married about two and a half years ago to a lovely, strong, supportive woman that came from no religious background. I carry a lot of baggage that has made me extremely defensive, almost constantly angry and absolutely disgusted with any mention of spirituality or a higher power which has severely damaged my ability to interact in a healthy loving way. I came here to see if there were any other former CoC members that have had the same kind of difficulties aligning their former upbringing/religious history with their relationship and new life post church. My wife is a very spiritual person, and I want to be able to connect with her on that level. Unfortunately, at this time in my life I don't see that happening without some serious work. Thanks in advance for any advice or experiences that you can share!

Welcome to the forum!

cs12 wrote: I left the CoC a little over five years ago, but spent the first 22 years of my life in and around it. Since leaving i've gone through the entire spectrum of emotions (ie: depressed, worried for my soul, relieved, angry etc.) and some days thing I have things better under control than others.

Understand. It takes awhile to decompress. I dealt with an unreasoning righteous anger for years but did not know why. The root of mine was fear of loss of salvation. This is very wrong headed and a mistaken message that some preachers deliver. It will ruin any kind of spiritual life. First is you are human and the expectations exceed that. You however cannot do it on your own power. God substitutes the way he views Jesus to you. God saves because he desires to do so. Only a fool turns down a free blessing like this.

cs12 wrote: My wife is a very spiritual person, and I want to be able to connect with her on that level. Unfortunately, at this time in my life I don't see that happening without some serious work. Thanks in advance for any advice or experiences that you can share!

You are fortunate to have a mentor. Ask her to talk with you. I use a woman that lives with me that is a friend of my wife. She has her own feelings and beliefs. I do not agree with her every where but there is more agreement than not. It has been fun to bounce ideas around with her. My wife is a died the wool Baptist who does not understand what I've been through. Even most therapists will only understand in a general sense. This is because the brain washing is so detailed. You can read over the posts to get a bettter handle on it. There are many half truths and outright lies woven with truth here. It's hard to logically untwist. This board is helpful in that there are many here that have dealt with the same stuff.

Welcome to the board.

I think anger comes from unresolved fears, and installing 'fear' is something a coc generally does quite well. It can take quite a while to unravel those chains of 'fear' and be actually free of a coc upbringing. Once a person is free of that, then the anger tends to go away too.

Talking things out definitely helps, if you can find someone useful to talk things out with. It's a lot to put on a wife or significant other, though.

DO read widely on the board here - we recently lost several years worth of conversations when the board crashed, but we are busy rebuilding it and there is already some good discussions going. Please help yourself - and you would probably also find something useful in the essays on the main portal to the site (ex-churchofchrist.com). I find them helpful, for instance, in clarifying a coc relative to other denominations and 'normal' Christian teachings, when talking to people who never set foot in a coc.

Welcome to the board.

You're in a good place, both spiritually and literally (here on this website). If the old postings had not disappeared, you would know by reading those that you are in good company. There is a broad spectrum of people here, which frankly is the way the world is, right?

I think what you're experiencing is very normal and predictable. Try to be patient with yourself, relax and embrace this as a life-long journey of understanding what your own personal meaning of life is all about. Each person's is very unique, and we can all learn much from each other.

My husband came from no religious background. He is very spiritual in many ways, and has a very unique (to me, at least) view of things. We have both listened to each other through the years as we each pound out within ourselves our continued speculations about this and that. At each phase of life, and when things interfere with your journey (either positively or negatively), you have opportunities to be open or closed off. Decide that you simply don't know. And trust that this is enough. That as time goes on, you yourself will change your own thinking and perceptions a lot. I hope I continue doing this till the day I die...to me, it's the only way to live.

Thanks so much for all of the welcoming responses. I'm looking forward to reading through all of the information offered here and making progress in my own journey.