Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Hi! Grew up in the extreme right-wing CoC. Family is still very devout, church leaders, etc., but I left about six years ago. After leaving, I initially didn't go to church at all, but I've attended a Methodist church for going on three years now. I'm currently struggling with how to break this to my family. They live a couple of states away, and I've found it easiest to simply not tell them. But that is becoming less and less easy as time passes - they are suspicious of something. But when I tell them, they will be devastated.

Welcome! I can so relate to how you feel! This site will be helpful to you.

Welcome, I am also struggling with the same issue. Hopefully this site will help you, it's been a great resource for me.

Welcome to the ex-board - please feel free to roam around a bit.
I hear you on the 'haven't told them and dread it' thing - I too moved well away from home and didn't tell my family for the longest time (really years. Years and years. I didn't even tell them I had a PHONE and always called from a pay phone (these used to exist, really) so they wouldn't have an easy way to get in touch with me).

How did it go? Well - not that well. But then, they did live several states away so it wasn't as bad as it might have been....

However, I do know and can tell you this: I wish I had 'fessed up a lot earlier. Failing to tell them something that important was acting as if I was doing something wrong, and that wasn't true.

Remember, though, you are not responsible for the way THEY respond to new information. So although this 'new information' is about you (whom they care about) and it is information they probably won't like, their reaction is still THEIRS, and you are not responsible for it. So please don't feel guilty (along with everything else).

Many people find that writing out this 'big reveal' works best. You can read it to them. Or mail it to them. Or just have it around to reinforce your own decision and read it yourself. What exactly do you want to say? What exactly will disturb them most? How do you want to present this?

It is better planned, though, and not thrown out in the heat of discussion about something else.

I could never have kept the secret that long. I knew the preacher underground gossip mill would out me quickly, since I have preacher relatives and the non-institional branch is so small. I wrote my parents a letter. Things were tough for some months, but they eventually accepted and stopped harassing me. Good luck!

Don't let anyone try to tell you that leaving the CoC is the same as leaving God. All you're doing is changing from one denomination to another denomination.

Thanks, everyone, for your replies and support. I'm getting ready to tell my parents by phone this afternoon. I've written a prioritized list of talking points to help me through, and I've also written an email to send them later if it seems appropriate after the phone call. I'm about as nervous right now as I have ever been over anything.

I know it is a hard thing and I hope it goes better than expected. Welcome.

Really glad to have you here!

Welcome!