Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Hi everyone - including fellow reprobates! Thank you for letting me share my story here, I will give you the condensed version. Was raised in the CofC and never questioned their beliefs. I was convinced that I had been born into the “one true church” and was sold out to what I had been taught I needed to do to make it to heaven, including believing that everyone else was going to hell. I left 8 years ago. It took me 8 years to leave then another 8 years of being out of the church to heal enough to have the courage to post here. I believe I am finally at a point where I can be helpful and provide support for those who are still in their journey of leaving and recovering.

I was part of one of the more conservative churches of Christ that had one cup, one unleavened loaf for communion, no Sunday school classes, women not allowed to cut their hair, strict dress code (when I was growing up women could not wear pants and no one could wear shorts, when we changed to a more “liberal” one cup CofC this was not as much of an issue), no divorce and remarriage for any reason (Matt 19:9 was referring to an OT passage that didn’t count in the NT), no musical instruments, etc...

I was so convinced that all of these things (and more) were necessary for heaven that I sat down to read the Bible for myself with the intention of proving everything the church taught. I really thought that if I read from Genesis to Revelation as if I had never been exposed to the Bible before that I would find the church I had been raised in. Imagine my surprise when I finished Revelation and could not in good conscience do what I had set out to accomplish. What do you do when you start to realize that what you have been putting your hope and faith in for over 30 years isn’t what you thought it was? To make a long story short, I ended up reading the Bible two more times and guess what… you’re probably not surprised to hear that I still could not find the church I thought I would find. I did find something infinitely better though, and have come to appreciate the freedom I have now more than ever. I still love the people who I left, but I can't agree with them on so many things, especially that the CofC is the only "one true church" and I cannot restrict fellowship to this group. I have been attending a non-denomination church since leaving. I know my journey of healing isn’t quite over yet, but at least I look forward to what is next and I pray others who are leaving or have left will simply find a place of safety, healing, and peace.

Thank you for listening!

The CoC that I grew up in wasn't nearly as conservative as yours, but they did have a lot of legalistic rules and requirements. It seemed strange to me that the only part of Romans that I ever heard preached about was the verse that says that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". When I read and studied the entire book of Romans for myself, I discovered the grace and freedom that we have in Christ. Legalistic denominations like the CoC don't like to consider subjects like grace and freedom. They would rather hang on to their rules and regulations and traditions. Hope you're enjoying your freedom!

So glad you have joined us!

Opie wrote:It seemed strange to me that the only part of Romans that I ever heard preached about was the verse that says that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". When I read and studied the entire book of Romans for myself, I discovered the grace and freedom that we have in Christ. Legalistic denominations like the CoC don't like to consider subjects like grace and freedom. They would rather hang on to their rules and regulations and traditions. Hope you're enjoying your freedom!

I found the same thing. Romans is a beautiful book of grace, faith, and freedom, when read in its entirety instead of picking a few verses here and there. I feel like Romans 8:15 describes my individual journey from “bondage” to “adoption”. “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.’” (NKJV) Jesus is the one who set us free from the law of sin and death and gave us the full rights of adoption in the family of God. Amazing concept to think about.

And no, grace and freedom were not mentioned much growing up in the CoC for me either. Instead somehow I got the idea that grace was defined as an opportunity to work to get to heaven. In other words, grace was presented as a reason to hang on to those rules, regulations, and traditions. It took a long time to really get it through to my heart that this is not the right definition and that no rule keeping, tradition, or work could lead someone to heaven … sadly that definition was completely the opposite of the real meaning of grace.

Thank you, I am. I still have struggles and flashbacks, but freedom has given me the space and grace to continue to go through this normal healing process. I hope you are enjoying your freedom as well!

FinallyFree wrote:So glad you have joined us!

Thank you, I'm glad to be here!

Welcome to the ex-board! Please come right in and feel at home.

agricola wrote:Welcome to the ex-board! Please come right in and feel at home.

Thank you!

Welcome! We have at least one other poster who left the one-cup branch. I was in the non-institutional branch. I have been out a long time, and back then, our church was strict about many rules and my family rule was no pants on women. I didn't get my hair cut until my married sister trimmed it slightly and cut bangs for me when I was in high school. No shorts, no swimsuits, no public swimming pools, no dancing, no drinking. It's still hard to understand how I stayed in for so long!

Moogy wrote:Welcome! We have at least one other poster who left the one-cup branch. I was in the non-institutional branch. I have been out a long time, and back then, our church was strict about many rules and my family rule was no pants on women. I didn't get my hair cut until my married sister trimmed it slightly and cut bangs for me when I was in high school. No shorts, no swimsuits, no public swimming pools, no dancing, no drinking. It's still hard to understand how I stayed in for so long!

Thank you! I had heard of the term non-institutional before, but wasn't sure what it meant. I just Googled it and yes, I would consider where I was raised as part of the non-institutional branch as well. There were a couple of congregations within that fellowship that used a basement of the building as a place to fellowship. But all of the other common beliefs in the Wikipedia list for non-institutional CofC applied. All of the "no’s" you listed also applied when I was growing up. I was 40 years old before I trimmed my hair. Too bad I didn't have an older sister to help out with that, maybe it wouldn't have taken so long It’s encouraging that there are others here from the one-cup churches. When I mention one-cup to people I talk to in person no one knows what I'm talking about. I don’t know why I stayed in so long either, but at least we are finally free!!

Hi,

I mostly lurk here, but I am from the one cup, no hair cutting and pants wearing for women church. I left 30 years ago. I still love the people very much, but am so happy to be free of that mindset.

Welcome