A place to snark and vent about CoC doctrine and/or our experiences in the CoC. This is a place for SUPPORT and AGREEMENT only, not a place to tell someone their experience and feelings are wrong, or why we disagree with them.
flawed wrote:For those of you who have left coc, do you still have lingering doubts of "what if they are right"? If so, how do you deal with it, and especially for those with children, how do you deal with the feeling that you are setting your children up for hell if you are not teaching them "the one true church" doctrine? I've been doing some reading from coc reformers like Leroy Garrett, Cecil Hooks, Al Maxey and several more that has helped me, but still the doubts remain and I wonder if they always will. I have not left coc due to my family, but I also do not teach the usual coc answers to my children's questions, force perfect attendance on us, etc. and part of me feels guilty for this-I suppose because I'm brainwashed from my own raising.
No, I have no doubts whatsoever. The CoC is incredibly wrong on most things, because their basis for interpreting the bible is incredibly flawed from the beginning. The bend and twist the scriptures like no other denomination I know of, which makes it extremely ironic as they claim to "only go by the bible". Bring up a verse that doesn't fit their Campbellite views and "that verse doesn't mean what it says".
Good luck and God bless.
Hebrews 10:25 immediately comes to mind. That passage has been twisted so much by the cOC, it is barely recognizable anymore. And of course, that one (along with countless others) has an asterisk by it. With the asterisk meaning "does not apply to anyone related to an elder, preacher, or other church royalty".
OneStrike_ur_out wrote:
Hebrews 10:25 immediately comes to mind. That passage has been twisted so much by the cOC, it is barely recognizable anymore. And of course, that one (along with countless others) has an asterisk by it. With the asterisk meaning "does not apply to anyone related to an elder, preacher, or other church royalty".
Typically true but not necessarily an automatic given.
Even being a Vice Duke to his Royal Highness Foy the First didn't keep me from catching hell from the local royalty as a teenager for daring choose Boy Scout camp over Bible camp every summer.
God gave us dogs so we would understand love, and then gave us cats so we could comprehend serving others.
flawed wrote: The legalism and patternistic law is proving to be very difficult for me to overcome.
From a young age you have been programmed - like most of us on this forum - to believe everything the CoC has thrown at you. Your most trusted family and friends have contributed - not always with bad intentions - a multitude of misconceptions that have caused a bad slant to your belief system. Doubts and confusion about EVERYTHING you have come to believe is a normal reaction when you finally realize how erroneous, judgemental and cultic these churches are.
It may seem almost impossible at this moment to sift through all the confusion, but over time things will start making more sense. I would definitely consider Agricola's excellent points about moving away from a controlling family or church.
Freedom in Christ always trumps slavery to legalism
Agricola's excellent points about moving away from a controlling family or church.[/quote]
Yes Agricola has given me excellent advice and has been most helpful. As I said, I have already moved around 6 hours away from my family. Due to our work schedules, kids activities, etc. most of the time they visit us at our house, which always occurs over the weekend, thus making it impossible to not have the church issue, and making it impossible to just pack up and leave whenever we'd like.
On another note, I've had what I consider a huge break through for myself and my conflicted feelings about the coc. I'm not sure if it was coincidence or God answering my prayers for help that has led me to this group, but I feel better today than what I have in months, and for the first time in I don't know how long, I feel a huge burden lifted from me. I stumbled upon someone who worked very closely with my family in an ultra conservative coc program, and guess what...they've also left the ultra conservative coc in search of a fulfilling and true relationship with God instead of the coc doctrine!
My comment about "moving away from a controlling family or church" wasn't worded very well; I knew you lived a good distance from your family. Actually I was referring to moving away from the the clutches of this cultish group - wherever it raises its ugly head - and moving away from being dominated by family members who mean well, but are creating misery for you ...
Certainly good news that you're receiving some help from this new person/group; It's your relationship with God that's the ultimate goal, and putting these hardline churches in your dust is a step in the right direction.
Freedom in Christ always trumps slavery to legalism
Both of my sisters moved South 750 miles away to two different Southern states. It has helped them although as soon as the family unites (which is rarely) everything goes back to the way it was in the past. Physically running away helps some but it does not solve the almighty coc indoctrination challenge. Those habits and mindsets just don't change even with time & distance.
It may be reassuring to you to know that, through the years of this website's existence, this question has come up from time to time by new posters. You're in very good company. It's a very normal fear and worry for many people, and the truth is that the fear and worry DO go away in time. Go to the library and read everything you can get your hands on from theologians who think very differently from each other. After awhile you'll see that very smart and highly educated people who've spent years of their lives studying God and the Bible have very different beliefs about it all.
My children are deeply connected to God, each in very unique ways. I think that's because I got them out of the fundamentalist CoC in time.
AtPeace wrote:It may be reassuring to you to know that, through the years of this website's existence, this question has come up from time to time by new posters. You're in very good company. It's a very normal fear and worry for many people, and the truth is that the fear and worry DO go away in time.
AtPeace is right.....it does eventually fade as you continue to grow and expand beyond the box. We were programmed to doubt and second-guess what we knew all the time. Remember that song......can't remember it all but there was a verse "did you obey all of the way what he commanded.......or was a doubt, treacherous doubt, lingering nigh?". (Did you repent, fully repent, of your past sins, "friend"....when you confessed his name on high?"). I imagine that song, and those like it, greatly fed into OCD-like thought processes and self doubt for some of us.
AtPeace wrote:It may be reassuring to you to know that, through the years of this website's existence, this question has come up from time to time by new posters. You're in very good company. It's a very normal fear and worry for many people, and the truth is that the fear and worry DO go away in time.
AtPeace is right.....it does eventually fade as you continue to grow and expand beyond the box. We were programmed to doubt and second-guess what we knew all the time. Remember that song......can't remember it all but there was a verse "did you obey all of the way what he commanded.......or was a doubt, treacherous doubt, lingering nigh?". (Did you repent, fully repent, of your past sins, "friend"....when you confessed his name on high?"). I imagine that song, and those like it, greatly fed into OCD-like thought processes and self doubt for some of us.
Oh, Ivy, that was a terrible song! Let's shove doubt and fear into everyone's heart!
Moogy
NI COC for over 30 years, but out for over 40 years now
Mostly Methodist for about 30 years.
Left the UMC in 2019 based on their decision to condemn LGBT+ persons and to discipline Pastors who perform same-sex marriages
AtPeace wrote:It may be reassuring to you to know that, through the years of this website's existence, this question has come up from time to time by new posters. You're in very good company. It's a very normal fear and worry for many people, and the truth is that the fear and worry DO go away in time.
AtPeace is right.....it does eventually fade as you continue to grow and expand beyond the box. We were programmed to doubt and second-guess what we knew all the time. Remember that song......can't remember it all but there was a verse "did you obey all of the way what he commanded.......or was a doubt, treacherous doubt, lingering nigh?". (Did you repent, fully repent, of your past sins, "friend"....when you confessed his name on high?"). I imagine that song, and those like it, greatly fed into OCD-like thought processes and self doubt for some of us.
Oh, Ivy, that was a terrible song! Let's shove doubt and fear into everyone's heart!
Moogy, I remember as a child being gripped with fear at various times when I would hear that song. How was one to ever know if one had "fully repented"? What if there was a dark corner of the mind where there was a treacherous doubt lingering nigh? Scary stuff for a kid to grapple with.
That passage has been twisted so much by the cOC, it is barely recognizable anymore. And of course, that one (along with countless others) has an asterisk by it. With the asterisk meaning "does not apply to anyone related to an elder, preacher, or other church royalty".
Scary stuff for a kid to grapple with.