Greetings brothers and sisters! I hope my post may help, thank you for reading it.How did you fit into the leadership structure of your group (COC)? What effect did your group's leadership structure have on you?
I grew up in the coC. I am from Abilene, TX and my father's family came from a long line of coC tradition from when it first showed up on the frontier in West Texas. I am the oldest boy of 4 children and I am 41 years old now. We were in church every Sunday and Wednesday up until I was about 12 years old. My mother (who did not grow up in this tradition) continued to take us to church without my father for about a year until we quit going all together...however we still "identified" as being "a member of the church" ....which of course we all know that is coC code for "the one true church". When I got a little older I started to go to a church of Christ by myself "with a friend." That is my code speech for "a girl that I liked." When I got married, my wife and I went to a small little coC for about a year because it was all I knew, and I thought I was doing the right thing. I have not been associated with the coC since 2004. While I was never involved in the leadership structure personally, I was personally affected by it, just as everyone else has been on this site and support group.
I want to be cautious in where my heart goes when I think about the long lasting effects it had on me. I had much bitterness towards my father, mother, family and the coC and the effects that the whole experience had on me. I am at a point where the grace of Christ has allowed me to forgive all of them. I still see how Christ was there with all of us in that pain. He still continues to be there with me, and my family in that pain...and in that confusion; but His grace is sufficient. My experience allowed me to see the brokenness that is in all of us. I have found that the doctrines and teachings that we have all experienced in the coC, have deeply shaped us all so profoundly. But they are not necessarily unique to just the coC, but rather a continued, repeatable pattern that has reared its ugly head in all the human race. That is not to say that the coC is not unique. At one time it was one of the fastest growing denominations in America. Even though they claim to not be a denomination, they are by definition. I tend to laugh more now when I think about some of the things that were taught. Many of the these teachings that are so illogical, come from some of the most brilliant, graceful, and thoughtful people that I know. I say that I laugh, because sometimes all I wanted to do is cry...and I used to be one of them, in fact one of the worst. One of the ones that so many people on here like you were hurt by. I am so very sorry, and I need to ask you all for your forgiveness.
So of all the negative things that I could say about the doctrines and teachings that are not sound in word, I would be lying if I did not experience sound doctrine in deed. I am thankful to be able to exhort them now by the grace of my Lord and Savior. While many members of the coC did not speak much of grace, I was shown grace in how many of them loved me well. While my father communicated a gospel of works based faith, it did not line up with the way that he has always continually showed me grace, always forgiven me, and always loved me...and I have no doubt he always will. And I believe this is where the confusion there in lies; not only with my father, but also with me, and also with everyone else. The parents and loved ones that hurt us because of the teaching about religious activity over the majesty, beauty, and grace of Christ Jesus is bound to leave one to confusion. It does not line up with the love they know they have in their hearts for their child. A love that was placed there by Christ. They know they love their child no matter how much, or how bad they sin and hurt them. But sadly, sometimes their choice was the wrong choice...and they chose godless, religious activity over the truth of Christ to show love and grace for their child.
My heart hurts for so many of you who were shunned by your friends, your brothers and sisters, your families....your parents! I did not have to experience this from my parents, and for what it is worth I pray for each of you to somehow find forgiveness for each of those that hurt you so deeply. I also still battle with the teachings and doctrines of legalism taught by the coC. As I read the many posts in this support board, we can still see the far reaching effects of it by our language. It reveals the state of our hearts. Even though we have left, or are leaving, or maybe even wanting to leave but feel like we can't; we continue to battle with these lies. Sometimes they seem to bind us like chains as we lay in a prison cell. Is that the coC's teachings fault? Is it our parents? Is it ours? As you read this post, do you find yourself saying..."who does this guy think that he is, putting himself up on a moral pedestal!" So let me confess, I find myself saying that. I said that as I read some of your posts...and I say that about me as well; even as I write! My knee jerk reaction was to lash out on many of you...to correct you...to show you how you are wrong, and I am right....and lift myself up in glory! Oh what a wretched fool I am! My heart left to its own devices always has a bend to want to do nothing but evil things...even when I do something that could be measured as good by worldly standards, I can sometimes succumb to the evil of wanting men's praise to do those actions! Please pray for me, as I will pray for you all my dear brothers and sisters! May the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it!
(I Thess. 5:23-24
Grace and Peace to you all!
C.R. Brown
