Church Hymns (and Hers) That Got on Your Nerves

[illuminator]

Were there ever any songs that got on your nerves like nails on a chalkboard? I could not stand “Thank You Lord for Loving Me.” Our congregation was the only one I knew where the ladies interjected “thankya Father!” Arrgh! Another one was “The Greatest Command” or The Song That Never Ends.” No one knew how to sing it. And there was always someone doing a Hee-Haw wail in it. It just sounded horrible. “Sing and Be Happy” was another one. Sing … and … be happy … press … on … to the goal. Sounded like a case of Asthma. Then there were the songs designed for no other reason than to make you feel guilty like “Why Not Tonight?” “Night, with Ebon Pinion” left everyone left everyone asking what’s an ebon pinion? Understandest thou what thou readest? Understandest thou what thou singest? And no one would sing “Jesus Is Coming Soon” because no one knows when Jesus is coming back – even though He says “Surely I come quickly.” And no man after hitting puberty could sing “Let the Lower Lights Be Burning” with a straight face. (“Some poor fainting, struggling seaman, You may rescue, you may save.”)

Anymore?

[Struggler]

I do not care for the sugary praise numbers.
And while they are fine for a old-time gospel singing, I don't care for the foot-stompin' ones. Or as a friend of mine calls them, "Jesus in the breadpan, pickin' out dough" tunes.
Cannot stand "Where No One Stands Alone."
I like the more traditional hymns with words that actually mean something.

[Aces]

I do not sing any hymns anymore. Not for many years. I consider them just another part of the continueing brainwashing of coc. Sorry.

I remember the old songs. The "Power in the Blood ' song I think is gruesome. Visions of "Carrie" come to mind.

[sonicrainkrieg42]

"Almost Persuaded" scared me, because back when I believed, I was scared that I wasn't good enough to enter heaven, and this song did nothing to assuage my fears.

[Lev]

"Almost Persuaded" scared me, because back when I believed, I was scared that I wasn't good enough to enter heaven, and this song did nothing to assuage my fears.

That's the one I "went forward" to.

Speaking of the Song that Never Ends, I remember singing Living for Jesus ad nauseum. Somewhere around the sixteenth verse my friends and I, as teenagers, would start pronouncing "Jesus" the Spanish way: "Livvvvv-ing... for Hay-soos..." It helped make it pass more enjoyably.

Lev

[Opie]

Blue Skies and Rainbows really grates on my nerves.

[Ivy]

Ah yes.....

many will meet their doom....

So uplifting on a Wednesday night when you already didn't want to be there.

[Ivy]

Sing … and … be happy … press … on … to the goal. Sounded like a case of Asthma.

I must have missed out on the "lower burning" and "seaman / semen" thing.....was rather naive then so not surprising
it went over my head, but imagine how tuned in all of the adolescent males were to any hint of naughtiness.

I think the Stamps-Baxter genre was used to give a sense of percussion. They could act out a little
and feel good about it. I even used to know a couple of guys who'd do a very subtle
little dance in the pews when we'd go "sing.and.be hap.py.press.on.to the goal".

Man, how embarrassing. Do the Mormons and JWs have their versions of silly songs? LOL

[agricola]

I usually liked the Stamps-Baxter songs, probably because they were upbeat and fun to sing - I know I didn't pay tons of attention to the words. My dad (a deacon and occasional songleader) didn't care for them because he didn't think they were properly doctrinally accurate (something like that). The songs I didn't care much about usually had blood in them - Are You Washed in the Blood of the Lamb and a few others, in my opinion at least!

I liked Low in the Grave He Lay (although it was easy to find humor in that part) mostly because I liked that chorus (UP FROM THE GRAVE HE AROSE!!! WITH a MIGHTY TRIUMPH O'ER HIS FOES!!) because we always hit that with plenty of force (it was fun).

I didn't catch the struggling seaman homonym probably because I was a GOOD little girl and didn't know 'those words' - but the song is otherwise fairly depressing anyway. Along with 'Almost, but Lost!' Ick.

What is actually kind of sad about this is that I haven't been to a church service of any sort whatsoever in better than 30 years, and I can still quote those songs - and sing them too I bet.

As for Night with Ebon Pinion, surely everybody knows that an ebon pinion is a black wing? Think of that sort of phrase as increasing your vocabulary!
(did Edgar Alan Poe have something to do with that one?)

[Lev]

Blue Skies and Rainbows really grates on my nerves.

The first time I heard this song I thought it was some kind of ironic parody of a church song. Seriously. Nothing can be that saccharine.

Lev