Regrets When It Comes To Leaving

[MusicMan826]

I was thinking today while browsing some of the posts on here how far I've come in the last three or four years since I've left the CoC. But I was thinking about one thing I do somewhat regret. When I left I avoided the members like crazy. If I saw them out somewhere, I'd dart off the opposite direction. I wouldn't answer my door when they would stop by, and I would ignore all the phone calls. At the time that was probably for the best, but looking back I wish I had stood up to them more. I wish I would have just told them why I left and that I wouldn't be coming back. I wish I would have told them to stop calling me and stop coming by my apartment to talk to me. Maybe then the harrassment after I left wouldn't have continued for four months, and I would have felt better for not caring what they think and letting them know they had no control over me. But in the end I did get out and managed to move past the guilt and fear and finally found happiness. Does anyone else have any regrets as far as leaving the CoC?

[GMan]

My only regret is that I didn't do it earlier.

[NeverAgain]

I agree. Wish I had left sooner -- and I left 30+ years ago.

Don't regret not having more confrontations with them. They are impervious to being confronted. It's like reasoning with a stump. When we wish we had said something to them or confronted them in some way, that wish comes with a little bit of fantasy that it would have an impact on them in some way, that it would stop and make them think, that it would leave them without an answer, that we can get one up on them. But, you know, it wouldn't really. They are so steeped in "proof texts" and convoluted learned-by-rote doctrine that they are immovable.

So I don't avoid them, nor do I seek them out (or didn't; these occurrences are more and more rare, although, believe it or not after three decades, they still occasionally occur). I have in fact fairly often told some of these meddling, judgmental busybodies to leave me alone, informed them firmly (and whenever possible with a smile or an attitude of smug superiority, which infuriates them to no end) that I am perfectly happy with my decision to leave the "Church of Christ denomination" (which also gets their goat) and have no need of their "concern" or questions or opinions. But I would just as soon not have to deal with it.

Be glad you are free to this cursed, bizarre, irrelevant and unimportant little prison of a denomination. If avoiding them, dodging them, not answering their calls helped that happen as you made your escape, you should have no regrets. I congratulate you. In years to come, you will be more and more and more elated that you left the CofC denomination in your rear view mirror.

[jryan17]

same with me...I would turn and run, or go down a different isle at the grocery store. Now I just walk right past them. If they say hello I will reply with same.

I know I am not quite where I need to be with my relationship with God, but I know it's better than when I was with CoC. My CoC has not grown. It's the same tired group with the same mixed up ideas.

[AtPeace]

Music Man, yeah, I've got some of those regrets. I remember one woman came up to me and said, "I heard you're visiting the Disciples of Christ denomination." When I confirmed it she said, with a very 'caution, you're about to get hit by a car' look on her face, "Just be very, very careful..."

It took me so by surprised, I had no idea how to respond. I think I said something like, "Oh don't worry, I'm very careful." Something accommodating.

I wish I had looked at her with my eyebrows raised and said, "Oh don't worry, I"m fine. But YOU need to be very, very careful!" using the same tone she'd used.

Grrrrrrr! I wish, I wish, I wish.

[illuminator]

I had made a post to this earlier but guess I hit the wrong button.

I have only one regret -- not doing it earlier. I'm at a very peaceful place in my life right now. And BTW, very thankful for this board.

[GuitarHero]

My only regret is that I didn't do it earlier.

This.

Don't feel bad that you didn't confront more people. Chances are that doing so would've only made things worse, not better. I know that it made things much more difficult for me.

[Hildegard]

Good Lord. A, If only I'd had the guts to leave sooner. Never again will I ignore my gut instinct to run the other way.

B. To call out stupidity when I saw it. But honestly--there's no point in telling them off anyway since they're not willing to listen and/or are grounded in double-bind thinking, blah blah blah. Knowing the depths of their stubbornness just adds a whole new level of frustration. *Donkeys* could learn lessons from CoC people.

[JWayne]

Hildegard you said it perfectly! I left and waited years to speak my mind and tell my family what I thought. If I could do it over I would have walked out during services and announced why

[OneStrike_ur_out]

I had two different stints in the cOC and thus, two different departures. I had some regrets about the first departure back in 1996. The biggest one was that I left my mother to deal with the fallout. When I stopped going, my brother soon followed. Then, that left my mom going there alone, which she didn't want to do. So, she simply started going to another cOC. The problem was, she never officially informed them that she had changed churches. They hounded her for YEARS. The matter did not drop until 2000 when someone from the new cOC (that she had started going to in 1996) paid a visit to our former cOC and told them to leave her alone. The harassment had gotten SO bad, that another, hardline conservative cOC had to step in and threaten legal action against them! Think about that for a minute! Anyway, I had had no idea that they had pursued her for as long as they did. They pursued me hard as well, but not near as long as they pursued her. It was weird. It was almost as if they were angrier at her for changing cOCs than they were at me and my brother for quitting altogether. Many years later, I had a second stint with the cOC at a different location. I still don't know why I went back. But, that departure was handled better. I drafted up a letter of resignation. I still got all kinds of phone calls telling me that you can't just resign from the one true church and that I'd better come back if I knew what was good for me, etc. I sent a second letter requesting that they do a disfellowship/withdrawal. They said that they had never heard of anybody actually requesting that, but if that was truly what I wanted, they would reluctantly go through with it. They then asked me what would be the grounds for which they would disfellowship from me and I said "forsaking of the assembly". I'm really not sure why they needed to ask that. So, they granted my request and disfellowshipped me!