CoC funerals

[B.H.]

When dad died I had to help mother out with the arrangements and some of the costs. One thing I stipulated was that there was to be no bashing of people of other religions. If that could not be the way it was going to be then I wasn't paying. And I told her and the two preachers I wasn't signing any checks until after the service was over.

And they did exactly like I wanted.


I also included (much to my sister, brother-in-law and dad's in law reltives chagrin) the fact he was Baptist many years before marrying mom and converting to church of christ. That was a part of his life and he always talked fondly of the folks in that Baptist Church. I felt that time in his life should be honored as part of his memeory.

[NeverAgain]

My experience with funerals is that sometimes preachers (especially if they don't know the deceased that well) will just do a one-size-fits-all kind of service. When my grandmother, a wonderful woman and a faithful CofC member all of her life, died, I called the preacher the night before and basically told him some stories about her and told him pretty much what I would like him to say. He did that, and seemed to appreciate having some guidance. There was a lot about her faith, but nothing about sin and damnation. Of course, he was a reasonable and decent man.

Since then, I have done that four more times on relatives funerals, both CofC and not. Of course, I have not asked them to ignore religion or their basic beliefs, but my view on this is that these preachers like having some good stories and some understanding of the wishes of the family about the tone and direction of the funeral message. All have turned out pretty good.

I am sure there are ignorant half-educated CofC denomination preachers who will use the occasion for abuses and inappropriate messages to family members (like us) who have had the good sense to get out of the CofC. But I would suggest choosing a preacher carefully and letting them know in advance what kind of things you would like said, if at all possible.

[margin overa]

I also included (much to my sister, brother-in-law and dad's in law reltives chagrin) the fact he was Baptist many years before marrying mom and converting to church of christ. That was a part of his life and he always talked fondly of the folks in that Baptist Church. I felt that time in his life should be honored as part of his memeory.

A very nice and respectful way to honor him and his own memories - it sounds like it was done well and appropriately.

[margin overa]

Since then, I have done that four more times on relatives funerals, both CofC and not. Of course, I have not asked them to ignore religion or their basic beliefs, but my view on this is that these preachers like having some good stories and some understanding of the wishes of the family about the tone and direction of the funeral message. All have turned out pretty good.

Most ministers who speak at funerals will be perfectly reasonable, and as you say, most will gladly welcome the information from family members, particularly if they don't know the deceased well. When my father-in-law died, my wife's family actually asked his oldest friend to speak, not a minister, and it was one of the most moving, ecumenical funeral addresses I've ever heard. They did ask the church to sing some of his favorite hymns, but the overall service was free of overt religious messages. There were a few hardcore CofC family members who groused that "the gospel message" had not been given at the funeral, though.

[B.H.]

I also included (much to my sister, brother-in-law and dad's in law reltives chagrin) the fact he was Baptist many years before marrying mom and converting to church of christ. That was a part of his life and he always talked fondly of the folks in that Baptist Church. I felt that time in his life should be honored as part of his memeory.

A very nice and respectful way to honor him and his own memories - it sounds like it was done well and appropriately.

A few months before we found out he was sick he and I went to eat at the local Dairy Queen. He flat out asked me "BH, why are so many people leaving the Church of Christ?". And I told him that it is because they are wrong on some things theologically speaking but their narcissism and sense of specialness one and onlyness does not let them see it. They are arrogant and mean and always assume/seize the teacher role when in fact they need to sit down and shut up and be the one taught. I also told them that their preachers lie about their own past as well as about other denominations. He just sat there and shook his head up and down three times and went back to eating his hamburger.

[Ashes64]

At my best friend's parents funerals (yes, two, about a year apart) the CoC minister out and out condemned her and her oldest brother to hell. Nice having to go to your mother and father's funerals and hear that. These are the kinds of things that disgust me and I will not tolerate and therefore have been ruined for religion forever.

[Aarin]

The preacher who spoke at my mom's funeral did just the same; preached more about obedience to God and less about her life/celebration of her.

Has anyone had experiences with going to the funeral of someone who had 'fallen away'? I've gone to a few and the speakers/preachers Never once acknowledged that they were children of God. I just found it appalling.

[B.H.]

There were a few hardcore CofC family members who groused that "the gospel message" had not been given at the funeral, though.

They don't pay for it so they need to just shut up and comfort the ones closest to the one deceased.

[Ivy]

I have probably mentioned this before, but my parents' NIcoc preacher did both of their funerals, and he did a wonderful job. Funerals were at the funeral home chapel and not the church, which may have helped. It was all about my dad, and later, my mom, and about comforting friends and family. I am very grateful to him and will never forget that. Cofc family funerals can easily go south, and I'm sorry that has happened for so many of you.

[B.H.]

I can understand why a non-sunday school preacher may lambast the living relatives and the dead one being eulogized but he had an excuse---- he didn't have any class.


It's not always CoC that do it. I had a great uncle die in 1960 and the Baptist preacher who did his funeral said he was an evil man. My dad (he was my dad's dad's brother) said he didn't think his uncle was evil.