This is exactly what Jesus was talking about when worrying about the mote in someones eye while ignoring the beam in your own. Jesus was an incredibly perceptive person. You can be certain that the words were his when true at many deeper levels. In the church I was a part of was an elder's wife who was the biggest gossip in the church. This woman was quick to condemn other people but not her own limitations. This is common and condemned by God. Swat the gnat. It is just that. Don't grant unreasonable people any power over you. In the end they turn you against yourself or your family against you. This is as evil as it can get. You are aware! This puts power in your court. You can twist the snake until it devours itself. Use your awareness to help. God gave us brains for a reason. Some I simply avoid and stay completely away. Where you can do this it will make your life peaceful. I've been forsaking for 45 years and enjoying the peace and quiet as well as the extra day off. I no longer live by CoC rules. The only way to be saved in the CoC is to drown in the baptistry. Learn to live instead. They do not have the only way. In the fourth century they would declared heretics. The gnostics were busy burying their tests in clay jars to keep them from being burned. Keep clear that your relationship is with God and no one else. Excellent post. I hope you make it away from this evil thinking.MissingLink wrote: The coC has severely warped the way I handle relationships.
How the coC warped my view of relationships
Re: How the coC warped my view of relationships
Re: How the coC warped my view of relationships
Dear friends,
Reading your posts I hear a lot of pain. This is the tyoe of baggage we all carry from the coc. I myself have destroyed 3 marriages and countless relationships, so I know of what I speak.
To deal with the baggage I knew that I needed help. I found a great therapist. I worked through a lot of pain, It is very hard. But so worth it.
I had to Love myself before I could Love someone else. It took time. Now I have been married 21 years, have 4 kids, and 7 grandkids. I love them all. They love me back, (I don't know why-Hear my baggage even after a lifetime.)
Love and be gentle to yourself, and to the ones you love.
Reading your posts I hear a lot of pain. This is the tyoe of baggage we all carry from the coc. I myself have destroyed 3 marriages and countless relationships, so I know of what I speak.
To deal with the baggage I knew that I needed help. I found a great therapist. I worked through a lot of pain, It is very hard. But so worth it.
I had to Love myself before I could Love someone else. It took time. Now I have been married 21 years, have 4 kids, and 7 grandkids. I love them all. They love me back, (I don't know why-Hear my baggage even after a lifetime.)
Love and be gentle to yourself, and to the ones you love.
Re: How the coC warped my view of relationships
Wow, I have the same problems and I never thought to attribute it to my CoC upbringing, but that makes a lot of sense. The constant feeling that you're doing something wrong, that you're not worthy of love... and for me, it's always a fear of getting "caught" even when I'm not doing anything wrong. If my boyfriend is in a bad mood I just assume he found out something horrible about me and he's going to leave me, even though I know there's nothing about me he doesn't already know. And now looking back, that's always felt about my parents and the church. I was an extremely good kid, very rarely stepped out of line, even in college, but I lived (and still do, honestly) in constant fear of getting in trouble. I really appreciate this thread because I can relate to so much that you all are saying, and I never thought about it this way before.
Re: How the coC warped my view of relationships
We were all taught things which created (in almost everyone, but not every person I hope!) a general feeling of worthlessness and guilt and fear of stepping out of line.
For the record, people - IT DOES GET BETTER!!
I remember as a child having a horrible fear of being late. Heart pounding, closed throat, sheer PANIC. By the time I left the coc (in my 20's, over a period of several years) I had realized a couple of things about that - I was afraid (had been afraid) that if I was late, I would be responsible for the world ending. How warped is that? (despite all evidence to the contrary, because of course sometimes I WAS late, and nothing much ever happened, outside of the time I missed my final exam in Poetry - and even then the teacher let me make it up).
I would be the person responsible for the end of the world as we know it. At age, like, ten.
There was always this rather formless underlying anxiety and fear going on, all the time. Every positive thing - parental love, God's love, happy endings - everything was CONDITIONAL on my behavior. This automatically meant I had to be equally responsible for every NEGATIVE thing, right? I hear you, catlady - if someone in my circle was angry/sad, clearly it MUST have been MY FAULT. (I daresay having mother TELL me that it was my fault she was upset, or angry, or disappointed - well, that certainly didn't exactly help).
Then we'd go to church and sing about standing on solid ground! Hah. There wasn't any.
But really, it DOES get better!
For the record, people - IT DOES GET BETTER!!
I remember as a child having a horrible fear of being late. Heart pounding, closed throat, sheer PANIC. By the time I left the coc (in my 20's, over a period of several years) I had realized a couple of things about that - I was afraid (had been afraid) that if I was late, I would be responsible for the world ending. How warped is that? (despite all evidence to the contrary, because of course sometimes I WAS late, and nothing much ever happened, outside of the time I missed my final exam in Poetry - and even then the teacher let me make it up).
I would be the person responsible for the end of the world as we know it. At age, like, ten.
There was always this rather formless underlying anxiety and fear going on, all the time. Every positive thing - parental love, God's love, happy endings - everything was CONDITIONAL on my behavior. This automatically meant I had to be equally responsible for every NEGATIVE thing, right? I hear you, catlady - if someone in my circle was angry/sad, clearly it MUST have been MY FAULT. (I daresay having mother TELL me that it was my fault she was upset, or angry, or disappointed - well, that certainly didn't exactly help).
Then we'd go to church and sing about standing on solid ground! Hah. There wasn't any.
But really, it DOES get better!
History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.