Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

B.H. wrote:What would all of you do if I tried to disfellowship you?

Send you a certified letter stating we could no longer fellowship you over lunch at the Old Country Buffet.

Why does there need to be a formal written letter & public reading? Where is that in the Bible?

We’ve all sat through those public letter readings and I just never understood why. It seems like it was simply to justify the elders and their actions. It also seemed to help prove their authority (and scare people).

Well obviously it has to be formal and open because of course we all know that there are no backroom meetings and dealings in a CofC. ahem

And how far does the "disfellowshiping" go? Can a faithful CoC'er say hello to the miscreant? Do you have to cross the street to avoid him? How about business dealings; can you shop at his store, or sell him stuff if he comes into your store? If he's the only pharmacist in town, does it depend on how many miles you'd have to drive to go to another drugstore ("25 miles, absolutely! 40 miles, it's a gray area. Over 50 miles, deal with him but don't smile.")

Such weighty issues!

HighLiter871 wrote:And how far does the "disfellowshiping" go? Can a faithful CoC'er say hello to the miscreant? Do you have to cross the street to avoid him? How about business dealings; can you shop at his store, or sell him stuff if he comes into your store? If he's the only pharmacist in town, does it depend on how many miles you'd have to drive to go to another drugstore ("25 miles, absolutely! 40 miles, it's a gray area. Over 50 miles, deal with him but don't smile.")

Such weighty issues!

I once heard a preacher state that he wouldn't even go to a baseball game in an MLB stadium if he knew someone who had been disfellowshipped was there, lest that be misconstrued as extending fellowship to the person *eye roll*. I knew of another congregation that was split over a wedding because the bride asked her disfellowshipped sister to be one of her bridesmaids. People accused each other of sinning by being at that wedding and having fellowship with her. Buncha crazies.

My cousin's childhood congregation had a situation where there was a daughter living as a caregiver with an elderly, disabled mother - daughter was disfellowshipped for forsaking the assembly...mother still considered member in good standing, although she hadn't been in the assembly for a couple of years, for obvious reasons. Elders expected daughter to move out so mother wouldn't be guilty of fellowshipping with a marked ex member, despite no other family in town to assume caregiver duties. To give my aunt and uncle their due, they, and a lot of the other members, rebelled against the eldership. Bunch of crazies, indeed.

I witnessed the "disfellowhip" of a family about 15 years ago. The letter stated that the cutting of ties was due to rampant sin in the couple's life. The only "sin" they committed was to stop attending services due to the anger coming from the pulpit. There were no elders in the congregation. The preacher just made the decision and wrote the letter. It was one of many actions that pushed me away from the coc.
J57

I remember one time the wife of one one of the elders hosted a tupperware party at her house. Her sister-in-law, who had been disfellowshipped from, was there. Even though her and her husband had been coming back to church for a few months, they never did officially "come forward" and repent, so the church was still supposed to have nothing to do with them. Because she was at this tupperware party, a few of the ladies turned around and walked out. Most didn't however, including my mother. That night my mom got a call from one of the ladies that walked out. Apparently she called every woman that was at the party, demanding that they go forward and repent the following morning for fellowshipping with the woman who we were supposed to have nothing to do with. None of the women went forward and it caused weeks of drama and almost split the church a little due to all of the drama.

The same woman demanding the others all go forward has a daughter. This daughter married a baptist minister and the two of them are absolutely wonderful people. They are always volunteering to help the needy and are just all around good people. However, because she married a baptist minister and now attends a baptist church, her mother and father have absolutely nothing to do with her whatsoever. A daughter, son-in-law and two grandkids that are basically dead to them. All because they "left the Lord" aka go to a baptist church.

When I think about all the families that the CoC has ripped apart due to their ridiculous disfellowship rules or other nonsense, it makes me sick. I often wonder how many people are still in the CoC out of total fear of leaving because of stuff like this. I also think it's kind of funny how most of the disfellowship letters I've heard read over the years were toward members who hadn't attended in years. It's like they've completely left this church and moved on with their lives a long time ago, and it took you guys this long to finally accept that they left?

MusicMan826 wrote:When I think about all the families that the CoC has ripped apart due to their ridiculous disfellowship rules or other nonsense, it makes me sick. I often wonder how many people are still in the CoC out of total fear of leaving because of stuff like this. I also think it's kind of funny how most of the disfellowship letters I've heard read over the years were toward members who hadn't attended in years. It's like they've completely left this church and moved on with their lives a long time ago, and it took you guys this long to finally accept that they left?

Yes, it's a disgusting way of carrying on a religious organization. Shame on them for their damned foolishness!

And as to your second point, I always, even as a CofCer, found the business of disfellowshipping someone who hasn't chosen to assemble with you for a long time patently ridiculous - those people voted with their feet and shook you off. You think by sending them a letter you're having the last word?

Free Spirit wrote: Oh, yes, on too many occasions to count. The NI COC disfellowships people right and left. I'm amazed there's anyone left to keep the place going.

The only reason a few are left is because there's a double standard for some. (Ex: Some are diss-fellowshipped for
remarriage after a divorce, others are given a pass. Often those who get the pass are spawn of cofc royalty. )