being a preacher

[GuitarHero]

At another church, we took a cruise for our 10th anniversary. While we were gone, a prominent family called for a meeting with the elders to complain that we were obviously being paid too much.

This.

Every time my parents bought something "nice," we were instructed specifically that we couldn't tell any one at church about it. This happened every time we bought a new appliance, a new car, or whatever. I remember once my parents splurged a bit and bought a swingset and trampoline for our backyard, and we were absolutely forbidden to tell anyone at church about it, lest they think we were being paid too much.

But then again, with the Church of Christ, you can't win for losing. Because...

We were criticized when it was found out that we would go out and shop at yard sales or thrift shops. The church people were extremely against us buying secondhand stuff, because "people would think the church wasn't paying us enough." But we weren't about to give up thrift shopping...

I should add too, that it is extremely dangerous for a preacher to go on vacation. That is when the congregation gets together and talks shit about you behind your back. Every time I left, there were secret meetings and conversations. I was away at lectureship when they got together and decided to fire me. I never really understood why my father was always keen for our vacations to only stretch from Monday to Saturday until I became a preacher myself. He just did not want to give those conniving bastards a single Sunday alone to scheme and plot to get rid of him. Better to never miss a Sunday.

[Struggler]

My family life seemed to be all about church and not "offending the brethren." We were constantly warned that something we did could get our father fired. Yes, that was true, but it's not normal.

If we wore shorts or were rumored to be dancing or whatever. someone would tattle and we got in trouble. Didn't matter if it was true or not. If church people said it, it was Gospel. I came home from school one time only to be ordered to sprawl across the bed and get whipped for 20 minutes (I know, because I was watching the clock radio.) and told I was disrespectful and that children in "Bible times" were stoned, and that I was bringing "shame and reproach upon the church." What happened was a minor dispute at school that was resolved by the teacher. Nobody was punished or anything--it was settled and that was that. The cafeteria manager, a devout C of C'er and town gossip, told my parents I had done something bad. The worst part was that when I tried to tell my father what really happened, he told me not to lie and I got whipped more for that. It was many years before I could really trust him again. I get having to keep a job, but this was over the line. which he finally admitted ten years later.

Another time, we had a substitute Sunday school teacher who had no lesson and divided us into teams for Bible tic-tac-toe. I suggested we flip a coin to see who went first. This woman lectured me about gambling and of course, she tattled. I was given a lecture about avoiding the appearance of evil. Never mind that my parents usually tossed a coin to see who'd go first when we played games. It was far worse to offend this ignorant, racist [derogatory term]. A few years later, when my father was fired, came up to me and said, "Guess you won't be going to college now. You're going to have to go to work," and giggled.

My parents really didn't know any other way and that was unfortunate. I think their lives would have been better without that pressure. Once my father retired from full-time church work and took another job, they had a good life for a few short years until they both became ill. I believe the years of abuse by alleged Christians hastened their illnesses and early deaths.

[B.H.]

"Guess you won't be going to college now. You're going to have to go to work,"

I hope her employer or her husband's employer embezzled their retirement fund and she had to end up working at Walmart as a door greeter for the rest of her life.

[B.H.]

I think people are mean and spiteful to elders (yes, I've heard elders get it too) and preachers because they are seen as an authority figure, but one with no real actual authority to fear and that these [derogatory term] church members take their frustrations out on them because they are frustrated at an authority figure with real power over them (like a boss, a bitchywife, a mean neighbor who bullies but is a cop) and ain't able to do anything about it. So they take it out subconciously on the elder or preacher.

[cathym]

We were constantly warned that something we did could get our father fired. Yes, that was true, but it's not normal.

So much this.

[KLP]

As PK goes, there was a little bit more burden to be "better" or "act right" due to the PK thing. Yes, if it was something bad then we would have to hear about how it reflects on the church or our family. Kids maybe ought to hear a bit more of that these days as far as how their behavior reflects on family and parents. But I get the sense that my folks (mom in particular) would have pushed us even if dad wasn't a preacher. We were expected to work hard at home and school and music and sports...to "improve", to not just be average or mealy mouthed or wimpy or weak...more was always expected, report cards better be good marks. And IMO it was good for us, it was a work ethic, a drive to do more and improve "whatever".

[cathym]

We certainly would have been pushed to do our best regardless, but the added burden of "You are responsible for that family having a roof and income" is special -- it may be unique to PKs; I can't think of another profession where it would come up.

[Struggler]

We certainly would have been pushed to do our best regardless, but the added burden of "You are responsible for that family having a roof and income" is special -- it may be unique to PKs; I can't think of another profession where it would come up.

It's hard to think of any others.
No kid should have to hear that foolishness.

[chrisso99]

I think CoC preachers must be masochists. I'm an elder's kid and grandkid and great-grandkid. My parent's were constantly critical of the PKs wherever we were, and the preachers and their wives. Whenever we went to a new church, it'd only take a year before my parent's would lead a charge to fire the preacher, get put on the preacher-search committee, hire a preacher of their liking, and then my dad would be made an elder shortly thereafter. Same series of events at every church. Then at the slightest hint that the preacher might be too liberal, he'd have that preacher fired. At least one preacher I know of theirs actually left the CoC after dealing with my Father (and mother) and he now preaches at some other denomination. Elders and preachers are natural enemies in the CoC. According to CoC doctrine, the elders are in charge, but by practice the preachers are the leader and public face of the church. The preachers get tasked with all the stuff the members should do but are too lazy to do, but the perception (and often the reality) is that the preacher is getting paid to do less than 10 hours worth of work every week. Meanwhile the preachers are normally middle age or younger, especially in smaller congregations and have at least some higher education while the elders tend to be in their 60s or older and less educated. Younger educated people tend to be more liberal than older uneducated people. It's a recipe for never ending conflict.

Of course being an EK (my dad was one of the rare youngish elders, he was an elder for the first time by the time I was halfway through elementary school) brings a lot of the same pressures as being a PK. It's always fun when one of the other elders works at your school, and a couple other members are teachers. It's especially great when you're an EK that refuses to get baptized. I remember my father "resigning" from being an elder when I was 16 or 17 (maybe 18, hard to remember for sure). This was after a full court press from several members of the church talked to me about needing to get baptized. No one ever said anything to me, but I'm pretty sure he had to resign because of me not being baptized. At the time I hoped that was true at least. I never asked. After I did eventually get baptized (I waited until I left home at 18 and got baptized at a church by myself because I wanted to be left alone about it, but I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing me baptized) he became an elder again so I'm pretty sure that's what the deal was.

[KLP]

We certainly would have been pushed to do our best regardless, but the added burden of "You are responsible for that family having a roof and income" is special -- it may be unique to PKs; I can't think of another profession where it would come up.

How about being a commie party member? Unless you are at the Stalin level then it is bad for your career for your kids to defect. Yes it is rare in modern western society, but that is mostly because we have so few roles where a person is being paid to promote and/or enforce a particular values/belief system as being the best thing ever.

I was just suggesting that maybe it shouldn't be so unique or special because there are some good things when people behave as if everyone and everything is interconnected and interdependent.