B.H. wrote:The problem I have with the Bible and spanking is it tells you to discipline but no where tells you the point you are going over the line with it. It mentions beating slaves so bad they were out of commission for a day or two, and that wasn't considered abuse. Could I beat my kid until they couldn't get out of bed for a day or too and that is not abuse in God's eyes?
Yes, it says if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. Ok... so we can beat the child with a rod until he's black and blue and maybe has broken bones, but as long as he hasn't died, it's ok.
![Razz :P](./images/smilies/icon_razz.gif)
I don't think we can use child discipline recommendations from a book that advocates stoning people who commit adultery. That was culturally acceptable back then. Today, not so much. If you strike your child with a rod today, you will be put in jail. I know many Christians use a wooden spoon or a whispy stick from a tree ("switch"), but the Bible says strike him with a rod. Those things aren't rods.
I understand you have to keep kids in line and even the best of kids even doing nothing wrong if with the wrong crowd just by coincidence can get their parents into severe financial difficulties. For example, your kid is good but just happened to be close to some kids who start vandalizing property. The adult or police see them and lump them altogether and no one believes kids when they are really innocent. They are all lying little shits. You are all of a sudden out a lot of money paying your share of your childs hoodlum damage they really didn't do. I also understand kids can be hard to live with.
By the time they're of the age to do vandalism, they're too old for spanking anyway.
I'm still on the fence with spanking, but I can say that #4 has hardly been spanked at all. It doesn't do much good with her. And she's fairly sensitive to correction anyway. If I say no, she'll not do the thing, but she might throw herself on the floor in a quiet pout. Or she'll want to snuggle with me and pout. A minute or two later, she's back to her normal happy self and goes on her way without doing the thing she was corrected for. Easy peasy. My boys weren't quite so easy.
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But the one that probably got spanked the most ended up being autistic, so spanking was really the wrong thing for him. He equates spanking with hitting in general, and doesn't understand why he can't hit others when his parents have "hit" him. Normal children can make that distinction most easily. He's older now (though not yet a teen... he's getting close to the size of one), and I don't spank him now. I've found other tactics that work better for him - like sending him to his room (separating him from everyone else) until he's calm, or taking away his screen time, etc. I just had to figure out his currency, and now he's more easily disciplined without physical means.
We were never as strict as what is recommended by some Christians (coc and other fundamentalist types), like in that book by the Pearls. We reserved spanking for big deal items, not general every day misbehavior.
However, I never understood why parents do not fear retribution from their children to a certain extent. By this I mean they know their kids will grow up and have to take care of them one day. And sometimes when kids get older and get financially sond on their own can just dump their parents and have no legal obligations. It seems to me you would want to treat them kindly and fairly and not beat them or mistreat them because of this. People who treat their kids like shit are fools. The kids will one day be able to pay back ten fold.
That is an excellent point! One day these kids will either be taking care of you (and possibly beating you like you did to them) or abandoning you. Best to develop a good, healthy relationship! I know plenty of people who have basically had to cut off their parents due to abuse - physical as a child, continuing into emotional as an adult. One friend is ex-coc (used to be on the old board) and had to cut off her family when they continued to harrass her about leaving the coc. She left over 10 years ago, I believe. They were still spiritually abusing her with their letters and such. Not cool. I'm making sure my kids know that their choices don't have to be my choices. Though that's eaiser for me since I'm mentally no longer coc (they don't know this yet). I'm sowing the seeds of tolerance of other people and beliefs.
![Wink ;)](./images/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif)
Just yesterday, my ASD kid asked which was better, Catholicism or Protestantism (we had been talking about the Protestants splitting off in our history studies). I told him that neither one was better, but that it was a matter of belief. This is after we'd lumped coc into Protestantism, since it came out of Presbyterianism originally. Sowed some seeds there too - hey, the coc isn't the one true church that has been around since 33AD.
![Wink ;)](./images/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif)
Since he's going to hear that Catholics are of the devil at church (one elder's son-in-law is converting to Catholicism, so he's talked about it more when teaching... that family is in anguish over the son-in-law), I figure I'll plant the seed that the Catholics aren't evil and that they're just doing what they believe they're supposed to do, just like the coc does. I don't believe Catholic doctrine myself, but I do believe they're still Christians, based on the many, many verses I read in the NT about who God abides in.