Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

margin overa wrote: You think by sending them a letter you're having the last word?

Absolutely they think that by sending a letter they are having the last (and final, authoritative) word. Note that they read the letter TO THE CONGREGATION and not to the person(s) who have left.

It is important, therefore, to inform THE GROUP concerning the standards of THE GROUP in order to support the cohesiveness of THE GROUP by providing examples of what will happen if you leave.

This is a characteristic of exclusivist type groups, whether religious or other. You retain members partially be being 'attractive' (offering something people want - like, for the coc, salvation) and partially by creating barriers to leaving in the form of some kind of sanction ('you will lose your salvation!').

MusicMan826 wrote:
When I think about all the families that the CoC has ripped apart due to their ridiculous disfellowship rules or other nonsense, it makes me sick.

Come on now, didn't you know that "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me?"

For some reason "Love your neighbor as yourself" doesn't apply to families

The cOC loves their disfellowshipping. I never understood withdrawing from someone who has already withdrawn themselves. It's just hilarious how it takes them YEARS to even catch on after someone leaves! My mother left one cOC in 1996 and started going to another one. In 2000, FOUR YEARS later, the hit men, (woops, I mean elders) paid her a visit. My mother explained to them that she has simply changed congregations. They said that that made no difference, she was still withdrawn from. And where did they pay her a visit? On a Sunday morning at the cOC she had been attending for 4 years! These fools walked right in and sat down next to her on the pew and made the withdrawal official. The elders from her current cOC escorted them out the door and told them that they were not welcome there. They got all hostile and said something like "do you know who we are and where we are from? You guys ain't nothing but a little start up congregation, so don't mess with us, okay! We will go where ever we want to". They actually had to delay the start of the services that morning due to the fact that the people in the congregation had been laughing so hard at what they had just seen and heard. And keep in mind, this was another conservative cOC, and even they thought that those elders were out of their minds showing up there and disfellowshipping from mother four years after she had simply changed churches. I swear, I think that they get sexually aroused just thinking about the disfellowship process.

But of course they never ever wanted to send that Dis-fellowship letter. Ooooh Noooo! it was always with heavy hearts and was so hard for them to do and they lost so much sleep...yada yada yada. Yes they were such victims. Oh...and please tell us once more how It was only ever done out of TRUE love. Oh, and God commanded them to do it, so it is His fault anyway. So hey...whats for lunch?

Churches prone to disfellowshipping often seem to have a resident Torquemada - an elder, or maybe a deacon who is eager to move up to elder - who ferrets around for signs of members who don't strictly adhere to the congregation's party line. They see it as protecting the flock from grievous wolves; they, of course, tend to locate grievous wolfishness somewhere outside of themselves.

Agreed. We had a preacher who was so excited to be at "ground zero" of a false doctrine event that he had to submit an article to "Truth" Magazine in order to make sure everyone else knew how special he was in detecting and identifying the problem and how he had stood so firm in protecting others. That place had this habit of overtly thanking God in public prayers for giving them such strong, courageous, and faithful elders and preacher. Asking for guidance and blessings on the leadership is one thing, but I found it sickening to see/hear grown men repeatedly get up and publicly thank God for the elders/preacher. blech

klp wrote:Agreed. We had a preacher who was so excited to be at "ground zero" of a false doctrine event that he had to submit an article to "Truth" Magazine in order to make sure everyone else knew how special he was in detecting and identifying the problem and how he had stood so firm in protecting others...

Yes, I've known quite a few guys who spent huge amounts of time finding out what so-and-so said in a gospel meeting or an elders' meeting, and then crowing about their findings in the various brotherhood publications. They are usually as thrilled about finding something they can report as vicious gossipmonger circles are when they sniff out adultery. They love the notoriety of being doctrinal watchdogs, all while using those "heavy hearts" words when delightedly blasting others from pulpit or editorial columns.

I don't know if the NI church I left formally disfellowshipped me or not, but I know the preacher called at least the preacher of the church I went back to -- and for all I know, the preachers at other congregations in town, too -- and told him he should turf me out before I got settled because I'm a troublemaker. Some people from that church do still speak to me, though; a lot defriended me on FB, but not all, and when I've run into people around town, they've been perfectly friendly. (And that preacher isn't there anymore, but I'm really not interested in going back, even just for a visit, even though there are some wonderful individuals there.)

I have a thrid cousin who taold me she talked to the preacher one day about some stuff and she wouldn't budge on whatever it was. She said he told her that "You're someone I hope won't visit my church". Needless to say, she loves for hope to be fulfilled. She never came back.