Seen in public
Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 1:16 pm
Recently I went to a memorial service for someone that I had known for many years. Since grade school I have known him and his wife and remember their kids when they were born. Their oldest even worked for me for a while. He was a good man and everyone seemed to like him and his family. His wife has always been kind to me and his daughter and her husband really like my daughter and have kept in touch with her (daughter is still CoC).
I felt like it was important to pay my respects to the family and at least show up to his memorial service. Of course, I knew the whole crew from his CoC would be there and that I would know most if not all of them. I was ready and prepared to answer truthfully any questions that may come my way and handle any negative comments with many of the recommendations I have received from the good people on this site.
I talked with a few people, but quickly came to realize they had no idea of my leaving because they do not do church at the same CoC that my parents and sibling attend and they were engaging and friendly. However, the ones that do attend with my family and do know about my departure from "the truth" either spoke with one word or looked, stared or gawked and moved on. The preacher, who knows me and has questioned my sanity with my sibling after learning about my departure all of the sudden could not talk. He came to the group I was standing with and casually began shaking hands and then with astonishment (poor acting skills) turned to me and proceeded to tell me he did not recognize me and was guilty of looking right through me
. We exchanged some short comments about my father-in-law's upcoming gospel meeting he was to have at my family's church and then just walked away.
I am not writing this to talk about some injustice or hurt thrown my way but to zoom in on some relevant facts about my departure and how so called christians handle one that has left the faith. Since my exit letter and then after the knowledge of where we are going to church, not one person who is considered a "faithful" member of either of the congregations we had long standing relationships with called to question us or to encourage us to come back. Not one has made an attempt to understand why the change occurred or even how we came to know what Orthodoxy is in the first place. Please keep in mind, I do not like confrontation and many times during this I have worried about certain situations and how to handle them if they arise.
I am only observing that these people who claim to have the truth and the right understanding of it, did not and do not feel it necessary to inquire, confront or even condemn my action of leaving. Instead, they question family and force them to admonish them to inquire for themselves where we are going or why we have left. But when an opportunity is dropped in their lap, they fumble and stumble and are at a loss for words. We will probably not go and hear my father-in-law preach and I can almost hear it now, "Why didn't they come?" and they will be asking everybody but the people who can answer, us. I guess, knowing and seeing what I saw in the past about how people would go and "visit" an erring member (they never came back BTW) and make it known to all the good folk at church, I expected to be visited.
This story was observational and I found it interesting that while I was on their "turf" they either avoided, or stumbled when they did talk. Now, more than this happened and I spoke to many people who were nice and friendly, however, I don't think they know. I was hugged by two people that do know and I did not feel uncomfortable and even think they understand just a tiny bit. But the folk that are prominent and do know, they struggled the most with this whole event.
P.S. - The son of the man that died did contact me several months ago and I appreciated his questioning me directly instead of continually listening to everyone talk about our decision. He wanted confirmation about things he had heard. I didn't include him in the above story because he doesn't hold a prominent and "faithful" position with the church members because of personal struggles he has had in his life. Again, I am not looking for trouble only that I was curious about how this has gone down. I know it is not because I am right and they know it or that I am smarter or intimidating person, it is just weird knowing these people as long as I have. Maybe being seen in private would be a different story
I felt like it was important to pay my respects to the family and at least show up to his memorial service. Of course, I knew the whole crew from his CoC would be there and that I would know most if not all of them. I was ready and prepared to answer truthfully any questions that may come my way and handle any negative comments with many of the recommendations I have received from the good people on this site.
I talked with a few people, but quickly came to realize they had no idea of my leaving because they do not do church at the same CoC that my parents and sibling attend and they were engaging and friendly. However, the ones that do attend with my family and do know about my departure from "the truth" either spoke with one word or looked, stared or gawked and moved on. The preacher, who knows me and has questioned my sanity with my sibling after learning about my departure all of the sudden could not talk. He came to the group I was standing with and casually began shaking hands and then with astonishment (poor acting skills) turned to me and proceeded to tell me he did not recognize me and was guilty of looking right through me
. We exchanged some short comments about my father-in-law's upcoming gospel meeting he was to have at my family's church and then just walked away. I am not writing this to talk about some injustice or hurt thrown my way but to zoom in on some relevant facts about my departure and how so called christians handle one that has left the faith. Since my exit letter and then after the knowledge of where we are going to church, not one person who is considered a "faithful" member of either of the congregations we had long standing relationships with called to question us or to encourage us to come back. Not one has made an attempt to understand why the change occurred or even how we came to know what Orthodoxy is in the first place. Please keep in mind, I do not like confrontation and many times during this I have worried about certain situations and how to handle them if they arise.
I am only observing that these people who claim to have the truth and the right understanding of it, did not and do not feel it necessary to inquire, confront or even condemn my action of leaving. Instead, they question family and force them to admonish them to inquire for themselves where we are going or why we have left. But when an opportunity is dropped in their lap, they fumble and stumble and are at a loss for words. We will probably not go and hear my father-in-law preach and I can almost hear it now, "Why didn't they come?" and they will be asking everybody but the people who can answer, us. I guess, knowing and seeing what I saw in the past about how people would go and "visit" an erring member (they never came back BTW) and make it known to all the good folk at church, I expected to be visited.
This story was observational and I found it interesting that while I was on their "turf" they either avoided, or stumbled when they did talk. Now, more than this happened and I spoke to many people who were nice and friendly, however, I don't think they know. I was hugged by two people that do know and I did not feel uncomfortable and even think they understand just a tiny bit. But the folk that are prominent and do know, they struggled the most with this whole event.
P.S. - The son of the man that died did contact me several months ago and I appreciated his questioning me directly instead of continually listening to everyone talk about our decision. He wanted confirmation about things he had heard. I didn't include him in the above story because he doesn't hold a prominent and "faithful" position with the church members because of personal struggles he has had in his life. Again, I am not looking for trouble only that I was curious about how this has gone down. I know it is not because I am right and they know it or that I am smarter or intimidating person, it is just weird knowing these people as long as I have. Maybe being seen in private would be a different story
