Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

I feel like the holidays have sucked this year. As much as I want to embrace this freedom I feel after leaving for the second time, I can’t help but also feel like I’m missing out on the happiness found when families can come together. I see my husbands family getting together and laughing and smiling, friends who invite us over and tell us we are like family while heir own families are there, filled with smiles and happiness, it’s just a bit much for me I think. I can’t help but wish my family wasn’t so difficult. They firmly believe we should repent, even though we quit speaking after their attempted character assasintion. I’m sure they’d say it was nothing more than mature Christians pointing out our flaws that we need to improve. Never mind it’s my parents who are also the preacher and his wife. I’m so tired of religion trumping anything emotional with regards to family. I had a woman say once who made a YouTube about why she left the church of Christ and she said her parents only ever loved her “intellectually” rather than “emotionally” and I do feel that is what happened to me. I watch that video and she seems so strong. I wish I could be strong. I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel pissed off all the time bc most of the time I feel like crying and hen it makes me mad to think they’re the reason why. Even my own brother jumped on board with them. My poor husband doesn’t understand eve when I try to explain it to him. I tell him even when he and his parents have fought there was never a doubt they’d be by his side if he needed them even when fighting. I don’t get that.

Now I’m stuck in a holiday that’s all caught up with religion. I hate it. I don’t want to hear about God and Jesus and how we should all be good and praise him. It’s christmas. No one gives a damn any other time (pardon my language). I’m tired of fake and religion. I’m tired of being upset of this family situation. I want to move forward.

And all I feel is stuck.

I’m the one who wrote the post about being a preachers daughter leaving for the second time of you need backstory.

(((mamabear)))

Holidays can be the hardest times. The original ex-CoC website and board were created by my husband during the holidays as a way of dealing with the pain.

I've heard way too many stories like yours. I am sorry for what you're having to deal with.

I understand how you feel, I have a really hard time with the holidays also. It definitely can feel like they are ganging up on you, especially when several of the faithful fold are together. Plus I am determined not to ever set foot in my parents church again because without a doubt they are a cult, so our trips have to be strategically planned for Monday thru Wednesday morning or Thursday morning thru Saturday. I find myself relying on this board much more during this time of year. Best wishes to you, although you may feel alone there others going through the same thing.

How do you communicate with your families?
I haven’t spoken to mine since February because in all honesty I think I would have a full blown panic attack.
I have had one each time they’ve written, so I know speaking by phone or face to face would trigger me.

Mamabear wrote:How do you communicate with your families?
I haven’t spoken to mine since February because in all honesty I think I would have a full blown panic attack.
I have had one each time they’ve written, so I know speaking by phone or face to face would trigger me.

Leaving the c of C or similar groups is difficult, traumatic, and it often results in expulsion from the group and sady even from the immediate family. After my wife and I left the c of C in 2005 none of our former c of C friends have spoken to us since then. Our leaving was somewhat easier because we came from the Baptists Church via a Bible study and our children were grown and had already left the c of C. So losing friends was unpleasant but we got over it.

I know people will argue this point, but I am firmly convinced the c of C is a religious cult. They have too many Identifiable traits that are commonly associated with cults. As bad as this is, you might just have to accept that you will be shunned by your family and you may never be accepted back. That is tough to accept but being blackmailed back into the c of C is also tough to live with. All of your options are difficult and unpleasant.

Fundamentalists versions of Christianity are generally closed judgemental groups. You are either with us or against us. There seems to be no middle ground with them. I wish you well in you attempts to solve this very difficult situation that you find yourself in through no fault of your own.

Cootie Brown wrote:

Mamabear wrote:How do you communicate with your families?
I haven’t spoken to mine since February because in all honesty I think I would have a full blown panic attack.
I have had one each time they’ve written, so I know speaking by phone or face to face would trigger me.

Leaving the c of C or similar groups is difficult, traumatic, and it often results in expulsion from the group and sady even from the immediate family. After my wife and I left the c of C in 2005 none of our former c of C friends have spoken to us since then. Our leaving was somewhat easier because we came from the Baptists Church via a Bible study and our children were grown and had already left the c of C. So losing friends was unpleasant but we got over it.

I know people will argue this point, but I am firmly convinced the c of C is a religious cult. They have too many Identifiable traits that are commonly associated with cults. As bad as this is, you might just have to accept that you will be shunned by your family and you may never be accepted back. That is tough to accept but being blackmailed back into the c of C is also tough to live with. All of your options are difficult and unpleasant.

Fundamentalists versions of Christianity are generally closed judgemental groups. You are either with us or against us. There seems to be no middle ground with them. I wish you well in you attempts to solve this very difficult situation that you find yourself in through no fault of your own.

What’s odd about this family situation is they honestly believe what they did was right and can’t see our side at all.
Then after my brother wrote me an email and I wrote back (the only time I’ve responded this year) my dad writes me a letter basically stating I can’t remember the past correctly, and my anxiety prevents me from reason. He also excuses my brother sending me the nastiest emails possible, even though he says he’s not justifying it.

Then a couple days later sends another letter basically saying he’s sorry he and mom weren’t there for me during the worst of my sons congenital birth defects repairs. For four years I went through hell emotionally and my family wasn’t there for me. Yet I was there for my parents and brother while he recovered from a TBI without hesitation. He says it’s becuase of Satan they weren’t there for me - I believe this removes personal responsibility.

We left and said we were disfellowshipping them.
They said essentially it’s unlawful to split the church as worship on our own.
Then they keep telling us to repent.
They believe when one is an erring brother you can’t even have a meal with them.
Yet in one letter, after we had to send a cease and desist, they say even their non Christian parents never wanted them to cease communication. Yes - they tried to communicate twice after the cease and desist.
So now they are back peddling on their beliefs?
At this point my husband and I reject the church completely because I agree with you that they have many traits of a cult.
They don’t know this part.
My dad being the preacher - and both he and my mom acting a fool has turned me off to the entire idea of Christianity.


I’m sorry my posts are odd, I’m writing from a phone right now and it’s hard to make sure sure I’ve written properly.

I know it doesn't help but I feel sorry for those who have sadness and estrangement...especially during what were formerly happy holidays. I know the feeling well

I am very sorry for your situation Mamabear....and for all of those who have gone through something like this. Do you and your husband know a "third party" who would be neutral as between you and your family who could try to establish and maintain some form of communication?? It just seems apparent that communication no longer exists and perhaps some kind of go between may help.....