Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Like probably everyone on here that is on Facebook, we still have "friends" in the CoC and see their posts from time to time.

I saw multiple posts last night. This friend kept sharing post from someone she follows. (She had a rapid fire sharing event) There were some memes with the usual 5 steps, and other cliche CoC topics we are all very familiar with and know all too well. But one really stood out and so I clicked on this person's page and started to read through some of the comments associated with his post. He offered anyone $500 buck if they could find the Methodist Church in the new testament. That's really no big deal, I get it, something to start a dialogue. Oh my goodness! After reading the comments, I was totally bummed.

There were some that agreed in a nice way, the usual bible verse a couple of people objected and a couple posted some witty photos. But then there were the down right mean spirited. These folks, in their mind, are the ones that are right, have discerned the scriptures right and aren't afraid to tell anyone how right they are and how wrong YOU are especially if you don't agree. Then I started to think about my former self. Because, I used many of the same arguments and reasoning that these people used and,back in the day, may have even reacted to a post in similar ways. I got a sick, nervous feeling in my stomach and then had feelings of shame. Who, viewed me the way I viewed some of these people? How many people did I turn away because of my self righteous attitude?

I really don't have a way of knowing the answers but I suspect there were a few. It is a sobering thought in these moments of reflection to realize how mean and impolite people become when a false sense of pride takes over our personality. I know, because I had the truth you didn't, I knew how to study and reason and you didn't and I was sincere in my beliefs and you were not sincere. I was like that and it makes me ashamed.

I don't know if that feeling will ever completely go away, I hope it does. But now, I don't know it all, I am not better in anyway than someone especially if I disagree with them.

I made an effort to apologize to my non-Cofcers friends and work colleagues. I knew the ones who had enjoyed some of my religious discussions. At least one was a Methodist. It was sort of a step 5.a of the 12 step program for me...to find the people and let them know I was out of line and apologize.

http://sharinggodsgrace.com/wp/wp-conte ... arisee.pdf

12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee (like me)
by John Fischer
The 12 Steps
1. We admit that our single most unmitigated pleasure is to judge other people.
2. Have come to believe that our means of obtaining greatness is to make everyone lower than ourselves in our own
mind.
3. Realize that we detest mercy being given to those who, unlike us, haven't worked for it and don't deserve it.
4. Have decided that we don't want to get what we deserve after all, and we don't want anyone else to either.
5. Will cease all attempts to apply teaching and rebuke to anyone but ourselves.
6. Are ready to have God remove all these defects of attitude and character.
7. Embrace the belief that we are, and will always be, experts at sinning.
8. Are looking closely at the lives of famous men and women of the Bible who turned out to be ordinary sinners like
us.
9. Are seeking through prayer and meditation to make a conscious effort to consider other better than ourselves.
10. Embrace the state of astonishment as a permanent and glorious reality.
11. Choose to rid ourselves of any attitude that is not bathed in gratitude.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we will try to carry this message to others who think
that Christians are better than everyone else.

I think I have done the 5.a. as well with family and a few friends. I don't go down those rabbit holes of finding faults with others especially if it takes on a religious tone or a potential to take that path. It takes effort since I see family on a regular basis.

I have found in the past year or so, reading the lives of the Saints and in particular St. Paisios, the role humility plays in life and ones overall peace of mind.

Thankfully, I never posted the memes and such on FB. I've never been zealously coc. I have attempted to invite friends to church in the past, and talked a little bit about the bible. Now I'm talking to those same friends about how crazy the coc is. One friend appreciated that I was able to give her Bible knowledge when she needed help, and I was encouraging when she was leaving a bad Baptist church situation. She switched to a Methodist church that she likes much better. That Baptist church... she was never Baptist (never said the sinner's prayer, never got baptized, never joined the congregation in any way), but when she left, the pastor kept calling her, trying to get her to come back. They were behaving in a very coc fashion. I think someone even stopped by her house. She just wanted away from that church. She finally got them off her back. She almost stopped going to church altogether, but during that time, I did encourage her to keep her faith, and she really appreciates that now. My other friend used to be Catholic, and I think I had kind of given her nudges away from Catholicism, but she and her husband found a Baptist-ish church (it's officially SBC, but it doesn't act like the typical SBC church, as those churches are technically autonomous). They've been happy there. Anyway, my friend commented that I had been a little pushy at one point, and I apologized for that. I wasn't horribly pushy, but I had tried to talk her into coc. It wasn't a huge deal for her. We've been bff's for many, many years, and I wasn't pushy enough to push her away. And I had supported and encouraged her through some iffy times in her life, which she appreciated. She also texts me when she has a Bible question.

Thankfully, FB didn't exist when I was cofc. So I never had the opportunity then to post self-righteous religious memes. (Although I probably did at some point when still involved in general church stuff
) My self righteous memes are about other things.

He offered anyone $500 buck if they could find the Methodist Church in the new testament.

Moogy will show him where it is. And she will happily accept the prize money.

Love the 12 Steps you posted, KLP.

I remember years ago a situation in which a husband was pounding his wife over the head with scriptures to read about "women and submission", etc. A very wise counselor
I knew told him (.....and I paraphrase, not remembering exactly how it went, but this was the gist.....) "That scripture is none of your business. That is for her consideration, and not yours".

KLP, I have a copy of the same book about recovering Pharisees and have read it at least 3 times. I would also like to recommend the book Breaking the Bondage of Legalism by Neil T. Anderson, if you don't already have a copy. Both of these books have been helpful on my journey.

Funny, I was just thinking about this the other day. Not Facebook exactly, but the act of being holier than thou because I belonged to the "right church" back years ago.

I read the obituary of the husband of a lady I used to work with, and who could have been a good friend. But because she was a Godless Methodist and I was an upright CofC member, I remember trying to force her to see the error of her ways. We spent hours and days at work discussing it. I think she finally gave up on me, although she was always very polite.

I wonder if it is too late to apologize?

if the person can be contacted, then it is never too late to apologize .

In fact a had a fairly substantial list of people I contacted. Never had anyone reject or be nasty about the apology...mostly they seemed bemused at the apology.
Still it feels good to apologize to those you know you have wronged.

Ivy wrote:Thankfully, FB didn't exist when I was cofc. So I never had the opportunity then to post self-righteous religious memes. (Although I probably did at some point when still involved in general church stuff
) My self righteous memes are about other things.

He offered anyone $500 buck if they could find the Methodist Church in the new testament.

Moogy will show him where it is. And she will happily accept the prize money.

Love the 12 Steps you posted, KLP.

I remember years ago a situation in which a husband was pounding his wife over the head with scriptures to read about "women and submission", etc. A very wise counselor
I knew told him (.....and I paraphrase, not remembering exactly how it went, but this was the gist.....) "That scripture is none of your business. That is for her consideration, and not yours".

Oh yeah, FB came along well after my zealous days. So glad it did too or else I would have had to make a blanket apology on FB and wow that would have opened all kinds of backlash I'm sure

Someone posted a photo with a Wesley book sandwiched in the middle of a Bible, I think the the $500 is accounted for. I thought it was clever, though it was posted by someone that was sympathetic to the guy offering the moolah! Because you know "If your church isn't in the Bible, it won't be in heaven" That was another meme this guy had so I guess Moogy, unless she can prove it, aint going to be in heaven

DISCLAIMER **The last sentence was intended to be a joke. Writer does not get to decide who is in heaven or hell, nor claims to know or have any special knowledge of who is in or out**

KLP wrote:if the person can be contacted, then it is never too late to apologize .

In fact a had a fairly substantial list of people I contacted. Never had anyone reject or be nasty about the apology...mostly they seemed bemused at the apology.
Still it feels good to apologize to those you know you have wronged.

I agree, it does feel good to apologize and most folk understand even if they still don't agree with your decision as well.