Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

I recently joined a ex-COC FB support group. I posted a comment about the COC brainwashing kids early (in Lads to Leaders), and mentioned the "drama" in the COC, and I was actually "rebuked", saying that I am the one causing the drama by leaving! Some support group! I have a feeling that this person is a member of the COC stalking the FB group, so I complained to the administrator and left the group. The interaction upset me, because the last thing I need right now is someone chastising me for my experiences. I'm staying off of FB from now on with regards to the COC. There are some mean people out there.

That is weird that ex-CoC'ers in an ex-CofC group would not be protected from the regular CofC pouncers, wanting to make sure you got the retribution. I would think the administrator over there would fully agree with you and ban that person. If not, it's really not an "ex-CoC" support group, it's instead a humiliation opportunity group for CofC regulars.

Ha...causing drama. From what I have seen, there is usually plenty of "drama" to go around that leads up to someone leaving.

On FB...maybe they reacted to the term "brainwashed"? I know many people (not church related) who generally don't react well to others telling them they are or have brainwashed their kids...or have done anything negative to their children. It seems to me in general that commenting on how others have raised and damaged their children is pretty much asking for sparks. So maybe just start out commenting on the competition aspects and atmosphere of L2L is the way to broach the topic. Maybe discuss how L2L makes aspects of organized religion and corporate worship into trophy award events. And remember that not everyone is at the same place on the path out of CofC.

If a person realizes they have "brainwashed" their own children then that is one thing...telling them they have done so can be taken as provocative.

Maybe follow that FB group or read a sample of some months of postings to get a vibe of how topics are approached and the group decorum and dynamic. If they have left the CofC and joined a FB group they have probably been through some rough stuff themselves and have endured some meanness themselves.

Or just stay away as you have suggested as that may be the safer thing for the time being. Trying to fix them is a non-starter

My FB post: "I refuse to debate with them, because they will NEVER give in. Its a pointless drama, and part of the reason I left is I don't want the drama anymore. Everything is life or death, heaven or hell, black or white to them."
And I was referring to"brain washing" in the sense that my family is 3rd generation COC and have been so steeped in COC doctrine that it's like they are brain washed. But I see your point about that comment possibly hitting a nerve with someone. However, A "support group" is self-explanatory. It does not mean "get all defensive and start lashing out". I'll just stay out of that group.

Sorry to hear about your experience on the FB Group. I would be upset also.

The L2L thing is nuts by the way....glad we never had that in NI. And of course we never did FC camps or Bible Bowl. Making church stuff into a competition just seemed so out of place to me...but I know lots of folks who enjoy it. It just gets those competitive juices flowing doing a quiz game/first to answer type thing. And then if you don't do well then you must not really be all that righteous or caring or else you would have done better. ugh. I refused to compete at church. Plus I already knew I was better and could not think any higher of myself.

KLP wrote:The L2L thing is nuts by the way....glad we never had that in NI. And of course we never did FC camps or Bible Bowl. Making church stuff into a competition just seemed so out of place to me...but I know lots of folks who enjoy it. It just gets those competitive juices flowing doing a quiz game/first to answer type thing. And then if you don't do well then you must not really be all that righteous or caring or else you would have done better. ugh. I refused to compete at church. Plus I already knew I was better and could not think any higher of myself.

My kids just finished this year's Bible Bowl. They have the questions ahead of time to study, and they're the same questions they've used for years and years. While they were going over questions the other day on the way to church, I was making comments they probably won't hear at church... like "That verse is similar in Matthew and Luke because Matthew and Luke used Mark as a source".

The kids get a dinner and ice cream sundaes at the preacher's house for participating (whole family attends). The winners get a prize (usually a book or something). You can tell which kids get drilled and drilled and drilled at home on a regular basis. I haven't drilled mine, but they're pretty good... at the upper end of the middle of the pack. I'm not worried about them winning (well, especially not now that I think it's all bunk , but I appreciate that they're getting Bible knowledge regardless).

We haven't done any FC camps, but I know several kids that go regularly. One friend sends her kids to some camp in Indiana that is supposed to have a LOT of Bible study. Sounded really intense with the Bible study and not very camp like. So even when I was coc-believing, I didn't send my kid when offered, because it didn't sound fun to me. Like the kids have to study before even going so they can really dig deep into some topic or passage or whatever. I do let my kids do the camp that the kids at our congregation do, but they have a lot of games and such, so they actually have fun. It's not 24/7 Bible study. Only problem with that camp is the dress code... boys are to have shorts to the knee EVEN WHEN SITTING. My kid is tall and skinny. If I get shorts that go to the knee while sitting, they will fall off of him while running. So would they rather see a little bit of knee (Oh no!) or his entire butt, what little there is of that? Every year he freaks out that his shorts might not be long enough and they'll send him home. Every year, I give him shorts that get to the knee when he's standing and call it good. So far, they haven't sent him home. I know the answer some might have is to just wear long pants, but I think that's silly in Alabama in June.

Sonya

I am unfamiliar with L2L. Is that all about drilling and competitions, as KLP mentioned? It's horrible what the hardline CoC teaches its children.

I met my husband-to-be (Petros) when he was about twenty -- and I had just recently become a Christian after being an atheist for many years. Petros said to me one day, "I finally figured out why God created us." And I said, "Because God loves us". Petros laughed and said, "It took me twenty years to figure that out and you already know that".

That should have been the first thing that children in the CoC learn about God, and here Petros was 20 years old and it had never occurred to him. Maybe Petros was taught the words "God loves us" but everything else the CoC was teaching resulted in Petros dismissing that idea. Is that your experience with the CoC, also?

teresa wrote: That should have been the first thing that children in the CoC learn about God, and here Petros was 20 years old and it had never occurred to him. Maybe Petros was taught the words "God loves us" but everything else the CoC was teaching resulted in Petros dismissing that idea. Is that your experience with the CoC, also?

I think many coc preachers spend a lot more time teaching the unwritten creed than teaching about love. And the kids are taught the main stories in their Bible classes, but once they get to middle school/high school, the focus then becomes teaching the creed, just like the sermons.

Teresa, we used to sing songs about God's love, but from our sermons and bible studies, all I learned was how scary and vengeful he is. My best friend in college (COC college - Lipscomb University) was Methodist. She is the one who taught me about God's love. My Mom still keeps drilling into me how vengeful he is, and how afraid she is for my salvation. I wish she could be happy, but I have never seen my Mom truly happy and not afraid of everything. It's sad.