Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

I haven't posted here in a while but do skim  through the board at times. Basically I stopped cold turkey in April after going on a trip with a few friends from that congregation. Trip was great! So that wasn't the reason I finally stopped. However since then no one has reached out to me. Not even the people I was closest too. Now I'm thankful for not being hounded by the elders and church members like some of you were. However, can't help be but suprised/hurt by them for not reaching out. Granted I pulled the plug with no warning and my attendance has sporadic for nearly 2 years. I still get announcement and prayer request though the church emails. I've thought about asking them to remove me from this list.

I haven't told my family because I'm not ready to face them. Beliefs on the bible have changed quite a bit since I came to this board. Still trying to work through it. Anyway, at work and now just wanted to vent.

kneedeep wrote:Now I'm thankful for not being hounded by the elders and church members like some of you were.

That is a good thing. So good for you getting away from the stress. Just sorry you haven't heard from anyone, that's almost harder without it. But over time it'll get better. That's how it was for me; still friends on facebook with some folks, but no one has reached out over it since 2011.

kneedeep wrote:I haven't told my family because I'm not ready to face them. Beliefs on the bible have changed quite a bit since I came to this board. Still trying to work through it.

Much trickier. I tried telling my parents in 2015 (and even before that) when the congregations in the area I was living in were creepy to say the least. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that they were visiting and finally attended where I'm going. They refused to accept that I have no interest in going back. So you're not alone in this and I've found the community on here as really helpful. The experience of others has been great in figuring things out.

Much trickier. I tried telling my parents in 2015 (and even before that) when the congregations in the area I was living in were creepy to say the least. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that they were visiting and finally attended where I'm going. They refused to accept that I have no interest in going back. So you're not alone in this and I've found the community on here as really helpful. The experience of others has been great in figuring things out.

That's good you were able to tell them in your own time and in established new community. Do you still have a good relationship with your family? That's what I"m most concerned about. I talked to my mom last year about some doubts and she seemed accepting of it. However, she still defended the coc's doctrine. Where do you attend now? I visited one church this year, but other than that just taking a break from it.

The "not hounding" part was strange for me as well. I sent an exit email, it was read at church and that was it. However, after a few months someone talked with my wife and expressed dismay because of the response to my email was read as well and it wasn't mean but as this lady stated "it certainly wouldn't make me want to come back".

My family doesn't talk about our leaving at all anymore. It was rough in the beginning but now everything is cold but friendly. Some days are frustrating because I know what people say when we aren't around, how you say, I used to be one of them! Sometimes I think it would have been best to just have a big blow up and then move on, the silence and innuendo really bothers me sometimes but I suppose over time that will diminish. It doesn't help that I work in a family business and live near them but maybe it will get better.

It has been two years since we left and everyone knows about our new church home but as you stated in the subject line CRICKETS really loud ones! Looking back at my time in the CoC makes me wonder sometimes, was I really that big of a jerk? I mean it isn't like I became some kind of Voodoo witch doctor that performs dark occult rituals putting hexes on all of them, I am an Orthodox Christian. Wait, to them that is the same thing never mind

kneedeep wrote:That's good you were able to tell them in your own time and in established new community.

Not as much as I was hoping. It was somewhat forced. Ironically, my parents haven't had as much of a problem visiting churches for cousins who were never coC for certain events.

kneedeep wrote:Do you still have a good relationship with your family? That's what I"m most concerned about. I talked to my mom last year about some doubts and she seemed accepting of it. However, she still defended the coc's doctrine.

It's complicated in terms of the relationship. (Sorry, this part gets a little longer...)

They still talk with me and think that I can be "saved" by returning to the coC community eventually. There is also a tendency to blame my wife for "leading me astray". It's a reasonable feeling to be concerned, so you're not alone. On this end, my mom was nominally open to the idea of me looking at the history of the Campbells and Stone, but essentially ignored it or tried to change topics when it got into any facts or details back in 2013 and hasn't changed since. She refuses to debate it. After the visit in August, there have been some minor side comments, but otherwise, they just pretend to ignore it. Even saying that "we went to church" gets brushed off since she doesn't see it as a legitimate church and doesn't see my wife as a Christian (raised in the SBC and Methodist). So it's been years in the making, but only just really getting going.

Part of the problem is that her sister is very controlling and is a die-hard, party member. My aunt had my mom attack me at one point about 6 years ago while I was on active duty for not following an unwritten rule the way she thought I should. It led to a massive phone argument and me telling my mom to flat out get an opinion of her own for once. Both of my parents have a tendency to defer to her. All three of them refuse to hear any challenge because they are certain they have the truth, so why bother looking at anything else?

Long way of saying, it's been a little rocky and we're not at a good resolution yet.

kneedeep wrote:Where do you attend now? I visited one church this year, but other than that just taking a break from it.

It's called "the Anglican Church in North America" (ACNA), which is the umbrella for a number of Anglican/Episcopal churches in the US and Canada. They split from the Episcopal Church, the biggest issue for argument is gay marriage, but from some of the priests I've talked with, there were theological differences as well (such as denying Jesus rising from the dead). A lot of backing for it comes from the Anglican Church of Nigeria.

Been a member at two congregations now, both are very loving groups and even for being Anglican, far more relaxed than any coC I ever attended. Maybe it's because the split was so recent and there's still a lot of pain from it for those who went through it. But the focus is very much on caring for one another and being really receptive. At the same time, if I'm not there every single Sunday, no one worries too much because they know how busy work is, that it demands a lot of travel, and that my health has some problems that keep it from being more consistent, which I'm trying to change. So that's just my perspective.

gordie91 wrote:Looking back at my time in the CoC makes me wonder sometimes, was I really that big of a jerk?

This is something I am really struggling with at the moment. It's amazing to see that attitude and realize that it helped form and drive a lot of problems in my life up to this point. Now it's about trying to change it for the future (some people deserve apologies and I'm working on that...others...not a chance with the illegal crap they were pulling in those cases).

trabucco wrote:

gordie91 wrote:Looking back at my time in the CoC makes me wonder sometimes, was I really that big of a jerk?

This is something I am really struggling with at the moment. It's amazing to see that attitude and realize that it helped form and drive a lot of problems in my life up to this point. Now it's about trying to change it for the future (some people deserve apologies and I'm working on that...others...not a chance with the illegal crap they were pulling in those cases).

You really notice stuff like this once you are out of a toxic atmosphere. The drive behind it is fear based and people do not treat others well when they are driven by fear. Going forward do resolve to treat others fairly. I think you are getting it.

trabucco wrote:
They still talk with me and think that I can be "saved" by returning to the coC community eventually. There is also a tendency to blame my wife for "leading me astray". It's a reasonable feeling to be concerned, so you're not alone. On this end, my mom was nominally open to the idea of me looking at the history of the Campbells and Stone, but essentially ignored it or tried to change topics when it got into any facts or details back in 2013 and hasn't changed since. She refuses to debate it. After the visit in August, there have been some minor side comments, but otherwise, they just pretend to ignore it. Even saying that "we went to church" gets brushed off since she doesn't see it as a legitimate church and doesn't see my wife as a Christian (raised in the SBC and Methodist). So it's been years in the making, but only just really getting going.

Part of the problem is that her sister is very controlling and is a die-hard, party member. My aunt had my mom attack me at one point about 6 years ago while I was on active duty for not following an unwritten rule the way she thought I should. It led to a massive phone argument and me telling my mom to flat out get an opinion of her own for once. Both of my parents have a tendency to defer to her. All three of them refuse to hear any challenge because they are certain they have the truth, so why bother looking at anything else?

Long way of saying, it's been a little rocky and we're not at a good resolution yet.

gordie91 wrote:The "not hounding" part was strange for me as well. I sent an exit email, it was read at church and that was it. However, after a few months someone talked with my wife and expressed dismay because of the response to my email was read as well and it wasn't mean but as this lady stated "it certainly wouldn't make me want to come back".

My family doesn't talk about our leaving at all anymore. It was rough in the beginning but now everything is cold but friendly. Some days are frustrating because I know what people say when we aren't around, how you say, I used to be one of them! Sometimes I think it would have been best to just have a big blow up and then move on, the silence and innuendo really bothers me sometimes but I suppose over time that will diminish. It doesn't help that I work in a family business and live near them but maybe it will get better.

Thats quite difficult. Its a shame how these fundamental beliefs can cause such a rift in families/friends. I find it peplexing that some people cant fathom autonomous adults changing their minds about things, especially when it comes to religious beliefs. Which are ultimately are a PERSONAL matter and an individual should be allowed to decide for themselves. I'm realizing that now. I do hope it gets better for you both.

Nobody reached out to me either, when I've attended churches and quit.

Ena, you are so right. It is all about fear. Fear is what this satan created, man followed religion is built on. The foundation, walls, and roof are all built on fear. I love the quote, "man's rejection is God's protection." They were not real friendships anyway. They were fakeships. That is what I call it. I have learned not to mourn those.

Kneedeep, after reading your post, I felt led to hit my knees and thank sweet Jesus for delivering me from that false religion that the enemy created. I thanked Him for pointing out to me all the fakeships built on fear. I pray that their eyes will be opened one day.

I am still in contact with a few people though. The Holy Spirit is telling me to use that as an opportunity to tell them that they are following a false god.

Fear and shame.

I had to read a book for a college course I took at Regent University that discussed shame-based religion. I'll see if I can find it and share the title. It was like a thunder-strike of truth.