Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

I always hated the hierarchy of the coc, specifically where it came to deacons. There were official deacons and unofficial deacons. That is, some men (and a few women) held jobs in the church but because they didn’t meet the qualifications but did all the work, they did all the work but never given the title. Then there were those who were granted the title just for the sake of saying, “Look, we have deacons!” The coc I left had a deacon inn charge of a ministry that had been discontinued a decade past. Another deacon attended another congregation. Then some deacons had made up titles. One guy was so stupid, so slow, his title was deacon of calendar events. That is, he reminded the congregation which months had five Sundays (which meant a fellowship meal on said fifth Sunday).

So often congregations have more "deacons" than they need as an outward sign that they are a substantial theological enterprise. After all, those deacons cost them nothing in terms of dollars and cents, and it's often a kind of perk given out to certain menfolks as a no-cost reward for their service. They were giving their time before to kinda earn it, now they get to continue giving their time and get a title and a position in the church. Of course, with lots of elderships, that position is pretty dependent on the goodwill of said elders, isn't it?

One guy was so stupid, so slow, his title was deacon of calendar events. That is, he reminded the congregation which months had five Sundays (which meant a fellowship meal on said fifth Sunday).

I disagree. That deacon was very important because by reminding the congregation which month had five Sundays he was reminding the congregation there were possibly more paydays that month, if you are paid weekly or bi-weekly


If I were a deacon in the Church of Christ I would be the deacon in charge of righteous obnoxiousness. I would always find the most hateful and rude guest preachers for the elders, I would find the most obnoxious and hateful articles to use for the church newsletter. If anyone needed any help or edification I would show the sensitivity and care of that Marine drill sargeant in Full Metal Jacket. If there were any non-institutional churches in town I'd make sure I'd stop by their church right when they are getting out and ask if they have any alms for the orphan home our church supports. If they looked at me weird and said "No" I would shake the dust off my feet at them. If there was a non-class church in town I'd drop off our old copies of Bible Class Teacher. If the church was one cup I would donate to their church our old multiple cup holders with a note we are always ready to assist another congregation.