Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Just what does the CoC really think of forgiveness?

I've heard the phrase "We need to pray for God's forgiveness" so much that, well, it eventually became kind of meaningless. I mean after all, if we're basically praying for every little wrong thing we might have [or not might have] done every day it basically becomes less of a method of healing, letting go, and moving on and more of some sort of... I dunno. Plea bargain of sorts so we can get to their version of heaven in which we will spend eternity listening to the same sermon over and over again.

Though it's not just the CoC that gets it wrong as well. Forgiveness isn't about letting what or who wronged you get away with what they did or even forgetting what they did to you, and it sure as hell shouldn't be used as some sort of plea bargain of any sort. What I'm learning about it is that it's a process in letting go the anger and hatred that's causing so much strife. In my own uneducated opinion, it's something that should be really personal and not even something that you should necessary talk to the one you're trying to forgive if you have that privilege.

Yeah it is hard, but a lot of things in life is hard to do if you want to improve yourself. On a sidenote, I actually have an easy time forgiving individual people, but not so much with institutions. Though the CoC isn't the only or even the worst offender that has wronged me, it's really hard to forgive what is essentially a concept. But I'm doing it for my own sake so I can be a better person. I should probably add that there is at least a few people I have a hard time forgiving, but I guess a lot of people have a hard time forgiving their parents, don't they?

That's an excellent post - I believe you hit the nail on the head with that one, including the observation that forgiving parents (forgiving those closest to you, which you should have been able to rely on for support and understanding) is frequently harder than forgiving friends and acquaintances.

ramennoodles wrote: Yeah it is hard, but a lot of things in life is hard to do if you want to improve yourself. On a sidenote, I actually have an easy time forgiving individual people, but not so much with institutions. Though the CoC isn't the only or even the worst offender that has wronged me, it's really hard to forgive what is essentially a concept. But I'm doing it for my own sake so I can be a better person. I should probably add that there is at least a few people I have a hard time forgiving, but I guess a lot of people have a hard time forgiving their parents, don't they?

Your body will protect its core in a harsh environment. Learn to do the same in a psychological sense. I avoid certain toxic people to this day. There are others that stand out as friends.

It helps when you realize that you don't need to be forgiven for a damn thing. You're fine just the way you are. You're worthy.

I never put some dude up on a cross. Nobody had to be crucified because I had "impure" thoughts about a woman, said a cuss word, told a white lie, drank a beer, smoked a cigarette, sang with an instrument, or had sex before marriage. It's perfectly OK that I'm a human and make mistakes from time to time. I'm a kind, loving, generous, conscientious person, all on my own. I don't need a Jesus for that.

And ever since I shed the yoke of Christianity, I find I'm 100% more forgiving than I ever was as a religious person. Funny, that.

Forgiveness doesn't exist anywhere. I don't think people ever actually forgive, to be completely honest. What happens is, you have the grudge holders, and the non grudge holders. The grudge holders hold shit against you forever and a day, no matter how minor the thing you did may have been and no matter how much you beg and plead with them for forgiveness. Those are the hypocrites who hold you to standards that they know good and damn well they themselves could not begin to live up to. Then, of course, the non grudge holders simply run out of steem after awhile and move on to other things. Those are the ones who you can actually approach and say "hey, look, I screwed up and I am SO sorry" and they reply "oh, that? Ah, shoot don't give that another thought, I forgot all about that long ago". Fortunately, I have only ever known one grudge holder. This person is still mad at me after 5 (going on 6) years over something that has ZERO bearing on her life today and had little to no impact on her years ago when it happened. I went to her several times over a 5 year period and asked for forgiveness. She refused, so I said "hell with ya then". I don't know what to say for someone who doesn't know how to move forward with their life.