Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

I think it goes without saying that the CoC's stance on divorce is rather...archaic. They're position being that once someone is married, you can only divorce them on the grounds of "sexual immorality", meaning adultery.

Has anyone here have any experience or recall any incident in their particular church that pertains to divorce? I once heard the preacher remark that the decline of traditional marriage started with allowing no fault divorces. As far as personal experiences go, my mom is divorced from my dad, and not for adultery. My mom managed to do it because one, she's the daughter of an elder, and two, she justified it by saying that she's only legally divorced, not spiritually. I'm sure that's news to my dad, who I believe is a neopagan. I do fear that once I come out and finally physically leave the CoC, that people will use her divorced status to blame her for my choices.

sonicrainkrieg42 wrote:I do fear that once I come out and finally physically leave the CoC, that people will use her divorced status to blame her for my choices.

That's unfortunate, and is also not your responsibility - maintenance of a church affiliation to keep people there from criticism and laying blame isn't a working strategy for your life. I understand that you would naturally want to protect a loved one from potential trouble, but refraining from leaving the CofC to keep people from talking isn't going to work, as I'm sure you know. You have no control over other peoples' gossip or tendency to create problems for others, so giving them power to influence your own decisions is futile.

Marriage and divorce is one of the CofC's hot little messes, and their doctrine causes as much trouble as they claim it prevents. The very conservative churches will sometimes insist that people who were divorced and remarried prior to becoming CofCers need to get divorced again, because they aren't married in the eyes of God. I've seen two CofC congregations divide over that very issue, and I bet some of you have experienced that also.

For over 20 years the "scriptural" basis for divorce and remarriage was pounded into me. But when I was dealing with an adulterous husband the coc made it clear that I had to forgive and I had to take the ex back-with his 2 current girlfriends. Right? I was in 2 congregations that split over this issue. So sad.

At the most conservative of the congregations I've attended regularly, the beginning of the end for me was when the preacher I quite liked, who was in many ways less conservative than one generally expects at a NI church, had a mid-life crisis or something and left his wife and daughters for his high school sweetheart. There was alleged effort to salvage their relationship after the affair came out and before they divorced, but it did ultimately end in divorce. No one said a word when the ex-preacher's ex-wife remarried, to a man who I believe was himself divorced, though it's possible he was a widower.

Making it extra weird, one of her daughters had been dating his son around the same time; no idea how that turned out, as they moved away.

(It was the beginning of the end less because of what happened than how it was handled and especially because the new preacher was horrid.)

because the new preacher was horrid.

and he stank too.

Jleeokeeffe wrote:For over 20 years the "scriptural" basis for divorce and remarriage was pounded into me.

Yes!!! I was terrified to get married.

Ivy wrote:

Jleeokeeffe wrote:For over 20 years the "scriptural" basis for divorce and remarriage was pounded into me.

Yes!!! I was terrified to get married.

I am too. My wife may want to spend all my money and go "BH!!!" at me all the time.

My divorce is the main reason I got the strength to get out of the CofC. After the split, to make family happy, I tried to place my membership with a congregation in the new town I moved to. When they said that because of my divorce I could attend but not participate, I knew I was going to leave. I could come and put my money in the plate and partake of the LS, but I would not be allowed to teach SS or help out in VBS or anything else. So, after a month of lame sermons, I left. Best thing that ever happened to me.