I had been raised to poo-poo the touchy-feely, lovey-dovey type preachers and congregations and denominations. But it seemed that too much emotion was excluded. I wanted a balance, but others seemingly just thought I was changing to happy-clappy liberalism where we avoid talking about any sin that might offend anyone. They I suppose saw no end to the slippery slope, and so were blocking positive emotion. Negative emotion such as fear was allowed, and the word Love was used often, but actual positive emotion was to be avoided. Again, I get that too much emotion is a problem, but still I wanted some balance.
I am not sure if my mind just naturally is logical and given to argument/debate process or if that came from being in the type CofC environment I was raised. I have no test case, I am what I am. When I endure sermons and "study" where there is no logical procession and only emotion then it drives me crazy. I see God as both rational and emotional, and I cannot handle being in a style that is mainly one or the other...I want both. For me the outcome is that I cannot find any other Christian denomination that has logic/reason as a basis or an equal component to emotion. And no, I do not want to chant a repeating line on the screen as we mumble/sing sorta in unison to a big blaring rock band and soloist on a stage. I want to use my brain to read the music, chose alternative notes/harmonies/pick-up notes...I want to engage both sides of the brain and participate equally. I do not want clergy/laity in any of it's forms...I want to be as equals.
Leaving CofC-ism was very difficult and there was and is simply no place I fit in or like (if I am to remain Just As I Am). Sure I can "do" CofCism but it is outward only and engages almost nothing of me anymore. But I can mimic it perfectly. It baffles me how people leave CofC and knock it for being based on tradition, man-made stuff, habits, and just another denomination...an then they turn around and join some place that they happily admit is based on such oh so wonderful traditions and man-made stuff. I just do not see the point of complaining about CofC when you end up just changing the stuff, but it is still the same type of stuff, tradition and habit. But that is for others and they seem happy, so that is them, it just makes no sense to me and this thread is about me describing the effects on me. me, me ,me, me, me
I appreciate the amount of Bible learning and history I gained by how I was raised, and I appreciate being able to cut through the BS and flimsy verse chopping of most any happy denomination...I appreciate knowing the RCC, Orthodox, Luther, Calvin, reformation, awakening, restoration, and all that history and sequence and progression. I guess if I knew nothing or a lot less, I could easily be happy at the giant community church down the street. Again, not meant to insult others because the crowded parking lot shows that a lot of people are happy to be there, but it is just not for me.
But due to my CofC experience and my experience at other denominations that there is always a power circle, there is always a business and sausage side to the organization. That there are people who are in power to be in power or for prestige and position. So I am also not willing to join or be a part of any organization because I know it is about power and clergy/laity and knowing your place and not getting outside of your box. I do not want to be on some committee and spend that time and still know that it is window dressing and that the real decisions are made else where.
So, maybe it is CofC but it is not only CofC that has left me at a state where I am a strong believer in God and Word and that it is knowable. But I am also in a state where I will probably never feel OK with ever joining any group, placing membership, or putting myself under someone with a title of Elder or Pastor. And as I get older I am even less willing to do this when these folks are often younger than me.
Basically CofC for me has led to loneliness and isolation...but it was that way due to doctrine even while in CofC as we had to be isolated from the world. But now I do not even have the CofC, so the isolation increases. Often life seems pretty pointless and depressing in the big picture. Therefore I have tried to build relationships in places other than religion...neighborhood, work, etc. These all seem pretty shallow so far. So I got a dog.
NOTE: updates at emoitcons...I updated to soften the tone that sounded like I was faulting the choices of others here.
So of course the speaker is good. And people usually seem happy. But when I read their website or documentation on their theology or statement of faith or dig into the details, I just get turned off and feel I can never embrace that and will need to keep my thoughts to myself were I to be there on a regular basis. Usually it is some comment in the form of Calvinism, Dominionism, or Sovereignty that gets my goat. And then the big music show starts and I need ear plugs because it is so loud. But yes, the speaker of the hour can be awesome.